Chapter 9 - Sera
It’s easier to breathe now that it isn’t just the two of us, but it still isn’t the relief I need.
While I don’t have the strain of being alone with Luke here, it’s replaced by the frustration and overstimulation of having too many people. Since the moment he pulled me into all of this, it feels like I haven’t had the chance to process everything fully, and now I’m more strung out than ever.
Between the guys and Luke’s siblings, there are too many voices grating against my already raw nerves, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to exist in the middle of it all.
I was never included in much before, and not in such an exposing way. Even if they’ve kept their distance from me, I still feel their eyes on me anyway, obviously curious, if not straight up analyzing me.
Before, I kept to myself to avoid scrutiny, and in Wraith Peak, I did it just to survive. I was watched and measured, but never embraced, but now that I’m Luke’s mate, I can’t hide anymore.
It hasn’t even been two full days since the ceremony, and since our blood was mixed, yet I’m supposed to join in on something that makes me feel even more like an outsider.
I haven’t had the time to rage or grieve what I lost properly, and something in me is afraid I might lose it if I don’t.
I don’t know these people, and I doubt they deserve it, but I have the feeling Luke wouldn’t understand it if I tried explaining that.
Right now, I don’t fully understand what I feel yet, and it makes me more volatile than I want to be. I’m standing on unstable ground, and I just want to reach a place of feeling like myself—the version I was never allowed to find before.
A bonfire crackles behind me somewhere on the deck while the guys sit around it, talking and laughing with ease after scrounging up some food and cooking it together. I ate what I could stomach, but now, I’m on the end of the dock again, trying to work through it all with a semblance of peace.
It’s quieter over here, but not by much. At the very least, the water is calm during twilight, with light ripples moving along the surface.
My feet dangle just above the water, and the wood planks are still warm from the sun beating down on them. Though even as I try to ignore the bond for now, it simmers low and steady with Luke being nearby.
I know he’s giving me space, and he only invited the others to take the pressure off me, but a part of me still hates that I even notice his attempts at soothing me.
As quiet footsteps approach softly along the dock, I don’t turn around immediately. Instead, I catch in my peripheral vision as Eve lowers herself beside me wordlessly.
For a long moment, we just sit there in silence, almost like she’s considering her words. I’m glad she doesn’t immediately push.
“I like it out here, too. It’s less overwhelming,” she says gently, almost like speaking to a skittish animal. In all honesty, that’s sort of how I feel.
When I glance at her, she’s watching the water inside of me.
“Am I that obvious?”
She smiles faintly, dirty-blonde hair up in a slouchy ponytail, while the grey sweater practically swallows her up. “You looked like you wanted to bolt earlier.”
A huffed breath escapes me, close enough to be a laugh, but lacking the effort. “I’m not used to this,” I say before I can stop myself. “Being in the middle of things.”
Even nods slowly like she understands, but given how the others look at her when she talks, and the way she soaks in the friendly banter, I doubt she does. Not in the same sense, at least.
“They can be a lot, especially when they’re curious.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
I feel as Eve studies me, but I don’t bring myself to look at her fully. “I know it feels like a lot, but you don’t owe anyone anything tonight. No explanations, smiles, or anything. We’re not here to judge you.”
The softness in her voice hits me harder than I want it to, and my throat tightens in response.
In a way, it would be easier if she were cruel. In that case, I’d know how to carry myself and which coping mechanisms to equip myself with. Instead, she’s being kind, and it’s more disarming than hostility ever could be.
Taking a slow breath, I look out at the water again. “I hate him.”
Surprisingly, Eve doesn’t rush to defend her brother or urge me to take it back. She doesn’t argue, either. Instead, she just nods. “I figured as much, and I don’t blame you.”
My own words echo in my mind, sounding unnecessarily bitter. But I’m not going to pretend that I see him any differently now. Not when everything is still so raw.
“Luke isn’t good at all of this,” she says after a moment, sighing to herself. “I know it doesn’t seem this way, but he ties himself into knots trying to say the correct thing, and to do what he believes is right, and it stops him from saying anything at all.”
“I noticed.”
“But he’s trying, even if in small ways,” she offers, tone gentle.
I stiffen slightly, not liking how it immediately forces me to think back to today. His backtracking about my magic book, giving me space for most of the afternoon, and even inviting the others to make things less awkward for me. They aren’t absolute fixes, but it is something.
“It doesn’t undo what he did,” I murmur, unwilling to let it go just from a short conversation.
“No, it doesn’t,” Eve agrees, idly swinging her legs. “He’s been trying to push the pack more and more about loosening restrictions on magic, and rethinking our ways. He’s working from a blueprint he has to make as he goes.”
Considering the words, the thought of being part of that blueprint feels like a stitch in my side. “And do you…support him?”
“I support him making positive change, even when it’s messy.”
Given how warm Eve is and how she seems to easily put her faith in her brother, it feels like another reason not to doubt his intentions, even if it would be easier.
I take a deep breath, feeling every contradiction moving through me. Messy certainly sounds accurate.
Her shoulder lightly bumps against mine, and she gives me a kind smile. “You don’t have to forgive him yet. Maybe not ever if you feel like it. But you’re also allowed to take up space here.”
That validation is so simple, yet it makes something in me ache. Nobody has ever given me permission like that, even if I shouldn’t need it.
With some reluctance, I murmur, “That doesn’t mean I trust him.”
“You don’t have to.”
As a comfortable silence settles between us, the two of us sit there a while longer. The conversation isn’t enough to change my mind about Luke or the situation completely, but for once, I don’t feel quite so alone.
“It’s getting colder out here,” Eve says after a bit with a light shiver before she carefully rises and brushes her hands off. “Join us if you want to.”
I hesitate, considering what I might lose if I do. But growing tired of being out here, I push myself to my feet.
“I’m sick of thinking,” I murmur, to which she smiles.
“Good.”
With a satisfied grin, Eve walks with me, and the two of us return to the fire.
Isaac pokes at the fire while he argues lightheartedly with Hunter about fire-building techniques, while Dominic throws another branch in just to get on his nerves. Zane, the quiet and slightly brooding one, observes with a perpetual neutral expression.
Luke looks different now. Rather than rigid with expectations on his shoulders given his role, he seems looser with his sleeves pushed up, and when his brother gives up from their teasing, he laughs.
I haven’t exactly been here long, but that’s the first time I’ve heard it from him, and it…does something to me. My stomach does a little flip, and I internally scold myself for it.
Dominic notices our return first, lips pulling. “Well, well…reinforcements have arrived. We might just survive the wilderness yet. Maybe.”
Giving him a look, Eve subtly flips him off as we sit down. As I’ve gathered, the playful ribbing is constant with him.
His brows go up, as if scandalized by it, but he laughs as the others do. Even Luke grins, not bothering to reprimand his sister.
“Damn, you never did respect authority, huh?”
“Earned authority? Yes. Men as a whole? No,” she says in return, amused with herself.
“You might as well give up at this point,” Luke murmurs, eyes gleaming in the firelight. “I’m her Alpha, and she barely listens to me.”
“I could be a lot worse.”
“Oh, I know.”
Everyone chuckles at the back and forth, and even I catch myself smiling despite myself.
From next to Eve, I feel involved enough without being completely exposed, and when I feel Luke’s eyes on me briefly, the bond stirs just enough to be noticeable. He doesn’t approach.
“So, Sera,” Hunter says, tone giving away a touch of mischief. “Did Luke tell you about the time he nearly got us court-martialed?”
Luke narrows his eyes at him. “Don’t.”
Dominic grins, well aware of where this is going, apparently. “Oh, we’re going there.”
I glance between them, and at the same time, Eve looks just as curious. “What happened?”
Luke sighs and sits back in his seat, resigning himself to whatever comes next.
“We had orders to secure rogue operations happening in an abandoned town, supposedly. Our intel said the area was clear of civilians.”
“It wasn’t,” Zane adds quietly.
“There were families hiding in the lower levels of the homes. They were scared, malnourished, and caught in the middle of everything. They couldn’t flee without risking their lives,” Hunter continues, sounding a bit more serious now as he recounts it.
“Command said to proceed anyway, calling it collateral damage, but Luke wasn’t having it. ”
Luke sighs and pokes at the fire with a stick stripped of bark. “I delayed the operation long enough to get them out.”
Dominic snorts. “You disobeyed a direct order. One that could’ve had our asses kicked out of there with one word.”
“You risked your position,” I murmur, feeling something new moving through me. “Why?”