Chapter 9 #2
She knew it, damnit, but a childhood being judged for where you lived and where your parents worked dug in deep.
Didn’t help when you spent your teens and early twenties working any job you could get in food service or retail, where people tended to crap on you constantly.
Add in the way her current intern director made you feel less than because you didn’t come from money, and everyone from other grad students to your advisor assume you do because they do.
It was hard, dealing with others’ expectations.
Although she didn’t like to admit it, those expectations spread like spiderwebs in her mind.
She needed to dust them away, but it was hard.
Maybe Plutus could help.
The stray thought caught her up short. No.
She didn’t need Plutus to help with emotional labor.
He was right about the monetary help. That’s what she signed up for when she made her little godly bargain Friday night.
Money was money. She needed to get used to it.
She couldn’t let herself get used to him helping her with other things.
Though, helping her out with orgasms might be nice.
She thanked the barista for the coffee and muffin, then headed out the door, sipping and trying to remain mindless for a few blocks when her blaring phone shook her from her thoughts.
“Lisa,” she whispered to herself with a smile. They only talked once a week, because of the time differences and their schedules. If E hadn’t called her by a certain time on a Sunday, though, Lisa always called.
E fumbled with her coffee and managed to get her phone from her bag without spilling any. Her friend’s wide smile greeted her when she answered the video call.
“Hey, ho! What’s up?” Lisa chirped as soon as the connection snapped into place.
“On my way to the library. What else? Any European drama to relate?”
“European drama? No. NYC drama, maybe…” She squinted at E and hit her with it. “Why didn’t you go out Thursday night?”
E groaned. She’d totally forgotten about that, what with the new god in her life and all.
A few of her fellow grad students had invited her out for drinks.
One, she didn’t have the money for it. Then.
Two, she felt uncomfortable hanging out with them without Lisa around.
Like she might mess up or be judged or something.
Better to just say no, politely, and stay away.
“Lisa, I didn’t have the time Thursday. Most days, really.”
“They make time,” her friend pointed out.
E sucked her teeth. She didn’t want to throw money in her friend’s face. Mainly because she might offer her some. She’d have needed it Thursday. Now, not so much. Thanks to Plutus.
She also didn’t want to make Lisa feel bad.
The grad students at NYU made her feel uncomfortable because their lives had been so vastly different.
Lisa had just bulldozed over any discomfort and wormed her way in before E could realize what she was doing.
E loved her, but felt no need to let anyone else in. One good friend was good, right?
“Lisa, you know I’m not great in groups.”
“It was, like, five people, E.”
“It’s a group to me,” she groused, then threw out something without thinking. Well, without thinking beyond getting her friend to ease up on her a bit. “I went out a few times this weekend.”
“Ooohhh. Really? With someone?”
Panic made her heart do double-time. Shit, but she hadn’t thought that through at all. She hated to lie to Lisa, but she couldn’t tell her the truth, either. She decided half-truth and omission was fine for the moment. “Just had a drink Friday night and went to a museum and dinner last night.”
Lisa took it the way she hoped her friend would. “It’s good to get out, E, but you need people. Human interaction, you know?”
E scoffed. “Not really. Not when I have your lovely face in my life.”
“Well, my face is only a screen right now. I worry about you, friend.”
E’s stomach dipped. She hated people worrying about her. “No need to worry. I’m lost in books, which is what I prefer. But enough of me. What fun things have popped off in London lately?”
Luckily, Lisa gave her the out, but only after a loud sigh of resignation. She told her about her past week, and E felt buoyed by the chat. She kept it up until she reached her destination and gave a rushed goodbye. Then she climbed the stone steps into the Jefferson Market Public Library.
It was a gorgeous spot. Less physical material than the main NYU library, but she didn’t need physical books that day. She needed a spot Plutus wouldn’t intrude on, and he knew she was a grad student at NYU. Him finding her there seemed far less likely.
She skirted the wrought-iron fence where the hidden garden bloomed and went up the sidesteps of the former church turned library.
The arched doorways, stained glass, and cloistered vibe of the place gave its origins away.
E liked it, though. The building had character and, despite the way sound sometimes echoed oddly because of the stone and brick structure, it was often quieter and less harried than the NYU library where she also did research.
Sure, she went there when she needed to comb through the special collection.
When she could do database work, like this Sunday, the large stone rooms and peaked arches worked well for her.
She circled up the rounded staircase and managed to snag a coveted back cubby in the back room of the second floor.
No need to share a desk or worry about the noise echoing in the place.
The small wooden table and chair even sat right in front of a thin, rectangular window overlooking the back garden, with flowers and leafy green trees blowing in the breeze.
A view she could enjoy as she set about her work.