Chapter 28
twenty-eight
LOS ANGELES, CA
The acid from the coffee she’d had earlier burned her throat.
This is so bad. What were the odds? She thought the club’s dark bar was the safest possible place for her to vent to Ben, and one of the two people in there happened to not only be eavesdropping, but knew who she was talking about and had the means to make it public immediately.
That whole time she’d been worried about the bartender hearing them and she’d dismissed the old fogeys by the fireplace.
She grabbed the stainless-steel water bottle she kept on her desk and gulped, trying to keep her coffee down.
She’d not only betrayed Teddy, but she’d likely lose her job and whatever remaining confidence her parents and the staff had in her.
There’s no way they’d let her represent the family or the team in any official capacity after acting so irresponsibly.
She started to sweat, feeling the clammy, slick wetness on her palms, behind her knees, under her boobs.
She was hot and cold at once, utterly unable to control her body temperature, despite taking several more sips of her water.
I’m going to be sick.
Avery bolted upright out of the chair and ran out of her office, down the hall, and into one of the blue-tiled bathroom stalls and made a beeline for the toilet.
Nothing came up, and after a moment, the wave of nausea passed as quickly as it came on, but the pain in her head was worse than ever.
She slid down onto the floor next to the toilet and rested her head back onto the stall’s door.
She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt this bad before in her life, physically or mentally.
Had Caroline seen her dramatic office hallway sprint from the front desk?
The last thing she wanted right now was someone coming in to check on her, she might die of embarrassment on the spot.
How could she have been so stupid, so careless? Teddy had trusted her with his biggest secret, and had shared it with her in bed, completely vulnerable. She’d gone and proved him right, that there was no place in his life for a real relationship.
She let herself slide the rest of the way to the floor, letting the cool blue floor tiles serve as an ice pack of sorts on her cheek as she attempted to regain control over her nervous system.
She laid there, breathing in and out, for a few minutes trying to calm herself down, ruminating over how she’d ended up in this precarious position.
She knew she had no one but herself to blame for her current state, laying on the grimy office bathroom floor.
She’d probably get a stomach bug too. Awesome.
Some minutes later, she summoned the will to stand up and turned the latch on the stall door slowly.
She walked to the sink and splashed some cool water on face, then blotted her face using a rough, scratchy, paper towel.
She gave herself a good, long look in the mirror.
She’d been too stunned to cry, so at least her eyes weren’t puffy and red.
That would have been a dead giveaway that something was wrong.
She smoothed her hair down with shaky hands, pulling it into a tight bun low on her neck.
She tried to take a deep breath, but her lungs wouldn’t quite cooperate, the air catching in her throat before it could fill her chest.
She made her way back to her desk, stopping by the kitchenette to grab a pack of ice for her head, which still throbbed. She was scooping ice from the freezer into a plastic bag, her back to the doorway, when Caroline walked past her to the coffee maker.
“Oh no, Aves, what’s the ice for? Headache again?” Caroline asked, knowing Avery suffered from the occasional migraine.
“Yeah…” Avery slowly dropped a few more cubes in the bag, avoiding turning around and facing Caroline for as long as possible.
When the bag was nearly spilling over, Avery pressed it shut and turned around.
“You really don’t look so good,” Caroline said, concern in her eyes. “Not just a headache is it? Can I do anything?”
Avery shook her head. “It’s not just a headache. I’ll fill you in when I can, but I need to wrap my head around it first.”
She needed to fess up to what she had done.
She knew she could only hang onto whatever self-respect she had remaining if she owned up to her mistake and apologized profusely and genuinely.
But she needed to talk to Ben first. He was the only person who could confirm the bizarre sequence of events before she began explaining anything to anyone.
“Okay, you know where to find me,” Caroline squeezed Avery’s arm and backed off, making space for Avery to walk out of the narrow kitchenette.
Avery went back to her office and set the ice pack down for a moment, not caring that it would sweat and leave a water ring on her desk, and picked up the phone with her still-trembling hands.
“Hey sis, what’s up?” Ben answered on the first ring.
From his light tone, Avery could tell that news of the podcast had not yet reached him.
“I’m going to assume that you haven’t heard about this podcast situation since you had to ask,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.
“No… what podcast situation?” he asked.
“Well, this morning, a podcast…” Avery filled her brother in, trying to hold back her tears and get the whole story out before she lost it. “And, well, I think… I think it might be our, my… fault, it got out,” she squeaked.
“Why do you think it’s your fault?” Ben asked with concern. “Did you tell anyone besides me?”
“No! There’s no one in the world I’d trust, besides you, well maybe Stacey or Caroline, with something that personal. And I wouldn’t even have told you if I hadn’t had all that liquid courage.”
“Well, you know I didn’t gossip after you told me. Plus, I would never do anything that would mess with Teddy’s head during the middle of the season, that’s just bad business.”
Avery exhaled, her heart rate slowing a fraction as she pushed the sole of her shoe into the edge of her desk and leaned her head back into the high back of her faux-leather desk chair. The sturdy push back from both pieces of furniture felt supportive.
“Of course. I knew that. I knew you’d never in a million years tell anyone.
That’s not what I think happened,” she took a deep breath, “Do you remember those two older guys sitting by the fireplace at the club when we got there? Did you pay attention to what they looked like or when they left?” Avery asked evenly, not wanting to sway Ben’s memory one way or the other.
“Actually, I know one of them and said hello before you arrived. A guy named Howard. He played with dad in the member-member golf tournament last year. He’s a studio exec I think. Why?”
“Did he introduce the guy he was with by any chance?” Avery tapped her toes against the firm wood of her desk, waiting for Ben’s answer. If this other guy was indeed Samuel Beckett, then it was all over and she’d know for sure what had happened.
“Yes, he introduced him as Sam, his neighbor in Hidden Hills.”
Avery’s stomach fell. Sam from Hidden Hills had to be Samuel Beckett. There went the last little glimmer of hope that maybe the leak was not her fault. She felt tears welling up behind her eyes, and wasn’t sure she was going to be able to get through what she had to explain to Ben without crying.
“I think he was Samuel Beckett, his son Blake, has an F1 gossip podcast,” she explained. “He must have eavesdropped once Howard introduced you, and then used what he heard to help his son get a scoop.”
One second passed. Two. Three. The tears in her eyes stung with shame.
Avery couldn’t take the silence for a single second longer. “Ben?” her voice was barely a whisper as she clutched the phone tight.
“Oh, shit,” Ben finally said, processing what he’d heard.
“You’re right, I think. What the hell? That’s unacceptable.
” She could hear the agitation and anger in Ben’s voice as it grew louder.
“That’s got to be against official club policy.
I’m going to get him kicked out. He can’t mess with the Silvers and expect to get away with it. ”
Avery released her grip on the phone as she let out a long exhale. He was in her corner. Of course, he’s got my back.
“It’s really messed up and as long as it’s okay with Dad, go give him the Ben Silver revenge treatment,” Avery acquiesced.
“But, please, hold off until I give you the ok? I want Dad to hear it from me first. It seems only right.” She couldn’t bear the thought of a staff member telling him his own daughter was responsible for his team imploding.
“I admire that. Good luck. I’m here for you, and I’m really sorry. It was my fault too, we should both have been more discreet and lowered our voices in there.”
“It’s not your fault, Ben. I’m the one who shared the secret in a public place,” Avery said, her cheeks burning.
“But you’re my little sister, and I should have protected you, or stopped you. I trusted those guys, figured they weren’t paying any attention to us. It goes to show we can’t trust anyone outside our family.”
“Stop. Please. I’m a grown woman and I need to start taking responsibility for my life and my actions. I’ve been acting like life just happens to me for long enough, I do have agency. Weirdly, I’m beginning to think this is my first chance to make that known.”
“Wow, I admire that Aves,” her brother said with pride in his voice. “Everything will be okay, keep me posted. I love you.”
“I will. Love you, bye,” she hung up and put her head in her hands on her desk.
Well, fuck. The long yellow post-it note with the day’s to-do list stared back at her as she looked downward.
To her right, the ziplock baggie had already started to sag as condensation from the melting ice clung to the clear plastic.
Her confession and apologies were going to take all day, resulting in another work day lost to her personal drama.
She put the soggy, yet cool, bag of ice back on the top of her head while she contemplated her next move.
She had to reach out to Teddy. The thought filled her with sickly dread.
They hadn’t spoken once since their dramatic confrontation on the beach in Mexico.
She had resisted the urge to drunk-dial or text him after her night out with Ben, which she was, frankly, proud of.
And even if he had tried to contact her, she wouldn’t have known, since she’d blocked him.
Now she had no choice but to reach out to Teddy. What she had said to Ben had been true, she needed to turn over a new leaf, take responsibility for the mess she’d made. It was the only way she’d ever be seen as a professional, as an adult.
Given her heightened emotional state and her track record with saying horrible things to and about Teddy when triggered, Avery figured email was best, safest. Maybe it was the easy way out, but at least she’d say everything she’d want to with the tone she wanted to say it with.
Plus, she knew that he was likely on a plane to Scotland right now, and then she’d have to wait for him to check his voicemails when he landed and call her back, if he even called her back at all.
Yeah, email was definitely the best bet.
Dear Teddy, she typed and then erased… too formal? Too old-fashioned?
Her mind wandered to the last time she’d fretted about the right tone writing to Teddy. Over a stupid crush. Never in a million years would she have imagined it would have led to all of this.
Teddy, she erased again. Too straightforward? Too businesslike?
Hi Teddy, she tried one more time. There, that seems like the right tone, finally.
Hi Teddy,
There are so many things I want to say to you.
I’m sorry for the way I handled myself on the beach that last day in Mexico and for not hearing you out.
We should probably talk about how we are going to move forward at some point.
.. But, the reason that I’m writing today is to let you know that the podcast is my fault.
I’d never hurt you on purpose; I hope you know me well enough by now to know that.
But, I told Ben about your past. I think Blake Beckett’s dad overheard us and told his son.
I only figured it out today after I listened to the podcast and was gutted when I made the connection.
I haven’t told anyone on the team yet about the Becketts.
Not Stacey. Not my dad. I wanted you to hear it from me directly first. I don’t expect a reply, but if you could confirm that you’ve received and read this email, I’d really appreciate it.
I won’t tell anyone else that I was the leak until I know you’ve read this.
I am so truly sorry. It’s your life and it was your family’s story to tell, not mine. Again, I’m so sorry.
Take care, Teddy.
Sincerely, Avery