Chapter 6
CHAPTER 6
TATIANA
L ife goes on. At least I try to tell myself that as I head to the Bolshoi for the usual rehearsal before a show. Despite the fact we have done this for six weeks already, every night Rodion insists we work even harder to iron out any inconsistencies or mistakes.
He is a hard taskmaster. We all fear him and trip over our ballet pumps to do what he asks. I’m used to that. Madam Saskia was worse. I hated her with a passion, but she forced moves out of me I never knew I was capable of and I reluctantly credit her with my success. Without her and her studio, I wouldn’t be where I am now and as I walk into the building, I wonder if that was really such a good thing.
The diamond ring is weighing heavily on my finger, but I dare not take it off. I dread to think how much it cost and if I lost it, I would never be able to repay Titus.
When I picture him, a shiver passes through me because he terrifies me. There is something so enigmatically delicious about the man and I am still working out whether I should be happy or terrified about our engagement.
I don’t consider it a marriage. Surely it won’t get that far. I’m aware this is a game, a means to an end, and I doubt that will involve me walking up the aisle.
But I have a part to play and I already heard the headlines on the radio this morning.
It has been announced to the world that last night Titus Romanov has taken a bride who goes by the name of Tatiana Pavlov.
It was on every channel I searched through, on the televisions of the windows I passed on my way to work. Newspaper headlines blared at me from the stands on street corners, but I pulled up my coat collar and looked down at the pavement.
Ballet royalty meets Russian royalty are the headlines, along with the new King and Queen of Russia.
There is excitement in the air; a general buzz of expectation and if it wasn’t with me in the main part, I would be mildly interested too.
The first person I see when I head through the door is the anxious face of Nadia, who catches my arm as I pass.
“Tia, oh my God. Is it true?”
We walk briskly to my dressing room and I lower my voice. “If you mean the engagement, then yes, it’s true.”
“But how? You’ve just met.” Tears are gathering in her eyes and she wipes them away with a worried frown. “What will it mean?”
“It means–” A loud voice booms out and we stop with a start as Rodion heads our way with a face like thunder.
“It means that you have ruined everything.”
A few of the other dancers and workers stop what they are doing as he screams, “What are you thinking, Tatiana? You have no business to marry. You are a prima ballerina; it will ruin you.”
He yells at the crowd, “Leave us! Get back to work!”
They scurry away and Nadia throws me a sympathetic smile as she rushes to my dressing room and I swallow hard.
“Inside my office—now!”
He points to the open door behind him and as I pass through it, he pushes me roughly into the room, causing me to stumble.
“How fucking dare you!” He yells, slamming the door behind him and striding over to his desk, banging his fist hard on the already splintered wood.
Rodion is known for his temper. It’s legendary, and many dancers have been reduced to quivering wrecks when he unleashes his angry tirade on them.
It appears that it’s my turn today, not that it’s the first time, and so I cower in fright on the seat in front of his desk as he heaps his verbal abuse on me.
“What did I say? What were my last words to you last night?”
He glares at me and I whisper, “Don’t let the Bolshoi down.”
“So you did!” He shouts, hitting his forehead several times with his fist, a move that makes him appear even more deranged than he is already.
“Now what am I to do? My prima ballerina, the one I have invested all my efforts in, has betrayed me. For what? A soulless marriage to a bastard rather than a life of thrilling the world with her dancing skills.”
“I’m still–” I make to plead my case and he holds up his hand.
“You are still nothing .” He spits, his face purple with rage.
“You are nothing now, Tatiana, because as soon as you walk down that aisle you become his.”
“But–”
He roars, “But nothing! I’ve been here before and I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. He will demand all of you. He will put his baby inside you and then you’re done. Forever. You will never recover, even if your body does. Your mind will no longer be firmly focused on dancing and you effectively signed your resignation letter last night when you accepted his proposal.”
He sinks wearily into his chair and places his head in his hands.
“There’s Maria I guess. Alice, if I’m desperate, I suppose.”
He raises his weary eyes to mine and sighs deeply. “Until then, you will have to work harder. Minimize the disruption and teach Maria and Alice to succeed you.”
“I’m not leaving.”
I’m not sure where the determination in my voice comes from and his low, bitter laugh doesn’t make me feel any better.
“You may as well accept it, Tatiana.”
His tone softens, which surprises me more than anything.
“You may want it all but in ballet there is no room for anything else and you must come to terms with the fact your career is over. I’m guessing that Titus Romanov is not a man who likes to share his possessions, and whether you like it or not, you belong to him now. As his wife, you will be required to follow him around to suit his agenda – not yours.”
He shakes his head and I almost believe he’s going to cry and then he sighs deeply and whispers, “But you’re mine until that happens, so get to work and I expect your best performance tonight because if you’re going to take your final bow sooner than you thought, you may as well go out as a legend.”
His brief smile does something strange to me inside. Rodion is cruel, heartless and a bastard, but he’s also, along with Nadia, all I have left. A strange emotion creeps over me, which can only explain what I do next and as I stand, I move around the desk and wrap my arms around his neck.
“I’m sorry, Rodion.” I gulp and as his arms fold around me and he holds me tight, he whispers, “So am I malysh, so am I.”
We both realize this an ending, the end of an era in fact and as my heart breaks, the tears drench his chest as I sob like a baby in the arms of the man who gave me everything I ever wished for.