CHAPTER15
I’m so tired. I can’t get comfortable. The bulkiness of the collar has made it difficult in bed, and the burns all over my neck make any movement hurt. I try to rotate the collar after every few zaps, but there’s only so much room. I’m having to duplicate spots, but the original spot is currently the worst. I didn’t think about moving it until blisters were forming and blood oozing. On top of the collar itself not being comfortable, if I can manage to fall asleep for more than a couple hours, I am shocked awake. It’s like someone is watching me, and as soon as I get into a REM cycle, I’m wide awake again. It’s some kind of mind game and a way to try to break me.
I’m so hungry. They’re giving me bread and canned vegetables for all three meals a day. It’s gotten very boring very fast, and I’m craving protein. I guess it’ll do for now until I can manage to get out. I don’t know where Ezra is, but I hope he’s coming. Is it weird to miss someone you didn’t want to be around? I wasn’t supposed to marry him but he did care enough to warn me. He wanted me to be safe, and I tried to escape him. I tried to kill him.
I’ve tried to make a run for it a few times. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result, so maybe I’m insane at this point? There was one point when I was able to fight the pain long enough to get to the top of the stairs before I dropped from the amount of electricity coursing through my body. They had to drag my limp body back into my room once they finally turned off the current. I guess I was hoping that, eventually, they would not turn it on. Or maybe I’d be strong enough to fight the pain. Turns out, neither is correct.
I’m being bounced around from one prison to another. I was micro-managed by Father until I was married to Ezra. Now, I’m literally trapped in a box with a bed that I’m hardly even allowed to sleep in.
I managed to find some of my old books and coloring books to keep myself from going completely insane in here. I’m coloring with just blue, black, and red ink pens, but it’ll do.
I just want Ezra right now. I didn’t realize how much I actually like him until I can’t have him.
I’ve spent the last four days tracking down my River. I’ve been more pissed than normal, partly due to the lack of sleep. Also partly because I have had a taste of the delicacy that flows from my River and I haven’t had any since she was stolen from me.
I have every one of my men since my father is dead, and I took over, figuring out every way to get into the compound her dad calls a house. As much as I’d love to go in guns-a-blazing, I also am not trying to get myself killed. If I show up at the wrong place, they could get spooked and run with her, and then I’ll never be able to find her. I have to know the layout of the house, and I need to figure out how many men are stationed where. There are so many pieces to this elaborate plan. I need to think strategically, to not only save my own life but hers as well.
I miss her, as much as I truly don’t want to admit it. She understands me in a way no one else has. She deals with my crap, and it’s been nice having someone around to drown out the quiet.