25. Tamara #2
“Meeting Finn turned my world upside down,” I continue talking to Ivana. “It will never change how I feel about you. You will always be my best friend, the other half of my soul, and there will always be room for you in my world and in my heart. But … there is room for Finn too.”
“Sweetheart,” Finn’s voice is thick with emotion. “You’ve just made me the happiest man in the world.”
My pulse races as if his happiness and mine have become entwined at the roots and are now firmly inseparable. But instead of this scaring the shit out of me and making me search for an escape route, I find that I’m okay with it.
More than that, it makes me happy.
Katya arches her spine as if in pain, and Finn holds her carefully, adapting his hug to give her space to stretch.
Her eyes fly open, dark and wide with fear, and she scans the room to get her bearings, noting the door behind Finn, the patient in the hospital bed, and the equipment keeping Ivana alive.
It isn’t until her gaze lands on me that she settles back into Finn’s lap and her distress begins to subside.
“I’m right here, Katya.” I shift my hand from Finn’s to hers. “Do you want to sit with me?”
She shakes her head, cuddles into Finn, and stares at Ivana.
Ivana is special to her too. I’ve been so focused on letting my sister know that I’m here, that I almost forgot she saved Katya’s life. Her own life was in danger, Petrov was torturing her for information, but she put the child first and gave her a glimmer of hope to cling to.
I look at my sister. “Ivana, there’s someone here to see you.”
I smile at Katya, trying to keep her mind at ease.
“You found a child in the shipping container,” I continue.
“You didn’t know her, you didn’t know if you were going to survive, but you saved her life.
Her name is Katya.” My breath hitches in my chest. “She’s a beautiful little girl, Ivana, and thanks to you, she has the chance to have a life.
A good life. One where she will thrive. And I’ll make sure it happens because I know it’s what you would’ve wanted. ”
My tears blur my sister. I feel drained.
I won’t leave her side, but every muscle in my body is screaming at me to step down from high alert and rest. The pain in my arm from the bullet wound has morphed from a dull throbbing ache that I could ignore to sharp stabbing pain that hits right at the top of my skull and reverberates back through my body.
Then the monitor on the other side of her bed beeps, and I jolt back to reality, reining in my own pain and gritting my teeth. The figures on the screen have changed. The steady beep rolling across it seems faster, keeping pace with my heart rate, or maybe I’m imagining it.
Finn is alert too, his gaze hopping back and forth between the monitor and Ivana, who is still lifeless in the bed.
A nurse comes into the room. She walks around the bed, checks the monitor, and unlocks her tablet, her expression neutral.
“What’s happening?” I ask.
“Nothing to worry about,” the nurse says. “I’ll take her vital signs while I’m here.”
That doesn’t stop my heart from thudding.
I watch her put the thermometer on Ivana’s finger and hold her wrist while she watches her breathe through the oxygen mask. I feel helpless. Ivana has always been the strong one, and it feels wrong to sit here watching her when there’s nothing I can do to help.
Then, I feel a flicker of movement beneath my hand.
I must gasp out loud because the nurse’s gaze snaps my way, and Finn leans closer, his brow furrowed.
“What is it, sweetheart?”
“I thought…” I hesitate, waiting for it to happen again, desperate for it to be real.
“Her body will still be active,” the nurse says. “Her vital signs are all good.” She offers me a smile like a consolation prize. Sorry your sister didn’t wake up, but here’s a smile to keep you going. “I’ll come back and check on her again in a little while.”
Finn thanks her before she leaves.
I watch my sister closely, willing her to wake up and tell me she’s alright.
“Don’t give up, Tamara.” Finn makes a circle pattern on the back of my hand with his thumb. “You know your sister. If she’s going to wake up for anyone, it’s you.”
“But she isn’t going to wake up, is she?”
“You don’t know that.” Finn smiles. “And from experience, hope can be more powerful than medicine.”
“From experience?”
“Do you trust me?” He holds my gaze.
The last time he asked me the same question, I said no. But nothing is the same as it was then.
“Yes.”
“Then don’t give up on her. Hold her hand. Talk to her. Tell her what an amazing lover I am if you think it will have the desired effect.”
I can’t help smiling. “If your head gets any bigger, you’ll fall off the chair.”
“Took your mind off it though, just for a moment.”
I nod. It feels wrong to be smiling and joking when that asshole tried to kill my sister but…
My thought process trails away when I feel it again. A flicker of movement.
I lean closer to the bed, studying Ivana’s pale face, waiting for her to open her eyes.
“She moved her finger,” I tell Finn without taking my eyes off her. “I’m not hoping for a miracle, am I?”
“Miracles happen every day,” he says softly. “We have some right here in this room. Ivana, Katya, you…”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.” His eyes see straight through me, and I know that he isn’t only talking about me. He’s talking about the new life I’m carrying inside me too.
The raspy breath from the bed sends a shudder hurtling down my spine and raises goose bumps all over my body. It’s like the last bubble of oxygen trapped inside Ivana’s body finally being expelled.
I squeeze her hand tightly, raise it to my cheek, and kiss her forehead. “My beautiful sister. Don’t be afraid.”
Her eyelids flicker, and I watch them, mesmerized, praying for her to open her eyes one last time and look at me.
“Tamara?” Her lips move while her eyes remain closed.
“Ivana?” Did she speak? She’s motionless again, and I don’t know if my heart can handle this emotional roller coaster for much longer. “I’m here.”
Her eyes open a fraction, barely enough to reveal the hazel pattern beneath, and she whispers, “I like Finn already.”