40. Audra
"Going somewhere?"
My heart nearly stops. Close. I was so damn close. I glare at Brick. "I don't suppose you could pretend you didn't see me?"
He lets out a humorless huff and shakes his head.
"I didn't think so." Grinding my molars, I shrug.
"Get in, I'm supposed to take you wherever you're going."
"What?"
"Gabe said you might make a run for it. Granted, I waited by the valet area first, but then your signal pointed down the staircase. Nice touch, by the way. Smart."
"What?" Seems about all I'm capable of saying.
"I'm here to protect and drive you. Now get in before the fucking garage smell ruins the new car scent of this baby."
I take a step forward. "Is this some kind of trick?"
Gabe had been adamant that he didn't want me to go to see Kelly. Why would he suddenly change his mind?
"He's not as mulish as you think." Brick laughs to himself.
I take a step forward. "You're going to take me to see Kelly?"
He nods. "If that's where you want to go. I swear on my life."
I climb into the passenger seat.
"Seatbelt," Brick huffs.
"Bossy," I grin because…
My mood just improved a hundred percent. I don't care that Gabe changed his mind and gave permission for me to leave. The important thing is he did.
"Address?" Brick doesn't seem to be in a chatty mood.
That's okay. I have enough on my mind to keep me occupied on the drive to my mother-in-law's house. Or is it ex-mother-in-law?
Make it quick. I tell myself when I ring the doorbell. Brick parked the car by the side of the road and told me to take all the time I needed.
The door opens, and I stare into Kelly's bloodshot eyes. If anything, she looks even more haggard than she did at the funeral.
"Oh, Kelly, I'm so sorry," I whisper, falling forward to take her into my arms.
She steps back. "Au-udra?"
"I thought I should come. We need to talk," I offer, a little hurt by her refusal of my hug, but I get it.
"Now?" She laughs bitterly, shakes her head. "You've got some nerve."
"Who is it, Ma?" A familiar voice calls.
"Maggie?" I call into the house.
"Audra?"
Maggie appears behind Kelly. "Oh my God, Audra!"
She enfolds me into her arms. I've missed her warmth and hugs.
"Come in, come in." Pointedly, she ignores Kelly's death glare.
We enter the kitchen, which has always been like a refuge to me.
Decorated in a Southwest Style, the usually immaculate kitchen's sink is filled with dirty dishes, and half-eaten take-out containers stand on the counters, taking up most of the space.
The aroma of fresh coffee permeates the air, bringing back memories of happier times spent here.
Kelly doesn't follow us right away, but when she does, I feel a storm gathering behind my back.
Maggie presses a mug into my hands. "Sit," she says softly. "You look like you're about to fall over."
I don't argue. I don't have the energy. After a moment, Kelly finally steps into the kitchen. "You need to call Detective Greenwald," she repeats.
My grip tightens around the mug. "I didn't come here for that."
Her eyes flash. "Well, maybe you should have."
"I came to tell you what happened." My voice is soft, but with effort, I force the words out before I lose my nerve. "The truth."
Maggie stills beside me, and Kelly leans against the wall for obvious support, a sweat jacket wrapped around her, making her look lost and vulnerable.
"We were taken," I continue, trying hard to keep the waver out of my voice that makes its way up my throat.
"Pete and I. You remember the promotion Pete got?
" I wait for her nod. "He was looking into a purchase, verifying funds.
You know Pete. He got… carried away. He told me about it.
But I didn't think… I didn't know… the people buying, they were…
cartel. They got nervous and took us. They thought Pete was… I don't know what they were thinking…"
I drift off, shaking my head. It still doesn't make sense to me. None. How could they have thought a banker… Kelly's already colorless face turns a shade grayer, and I force myself to continue.
"They took me because he didn't know anything.
" I keep the detail about the severed fingers out.
They might already know about it from Detective Greenwald; they might not.
But it's not something I want to remember.
"They thought… they thought I might make him talk.
" My throat tightens. My chest caves in on itself. "And when he still couldn't?—"
At that, my voice breaks. I shake my head, pressing my lips together, but it's useless. The image is there. Always there.
"It was fast," I whisper. "At the end… it was fast."
Kelly makes a sound. It's not a word. Not even close. She folds in on herself like something inside her just gave way. Maggie catches her, holding on as Kelly starts to sob, raw, broken, guttural. That's all it takes. Everything I've been holding back crashes over me.
"I'm so sorry," I choke out, the words tearing out of my chest. "I'm so, so sorry?—"
I drop the mug. It clatters somewhere, but I don't pay it any attention, nor does anybody else. "I couldn't— I couldn't stop it—I tried?—"
My hands come up to my face, but it doesn't stop anything. The tears, the guilt, the suffocating weight of it all.
"I swear to you," I gasp, looking at her, forcing her to see me, to hear me, "I will find them. I will find that cartel, and I will make them pay."
The words come out sharp. Hard. Not grief any longer. It's laced with something else. Something darker. Kelly's head snaps up.
"No." The word comes out like a gunshot, making all of us wince. Rigorously, she wipes her face. "No, Audra. No more of that."
"I have to?—"
"No!" she snaps, stepping toward me. "You don't fix this by throwing yourself into whatever the hell this is!"
"I can't just?—"
"You go to the police!" she cuts in. "You talk to Detective Greenwald. You let them handle it!"
I freeze. My heart stutters.
"No," I disagree, quieter now. "I can't."
Her eyes narrow. "Why not?"
Because I don't trust them. Because I don't know who's involved. Because they might think I'm guilty. Because of Gabe. I can't tell them he was there. They will ask how I got out of there. How I know Gabriel D'Amato. Why I didn't talk to them sooner. I can't throw Gabe under the bus. He saved me.
"Other men found me," I try to explain, choosing my words carefully. "They got me out."
Kelly studies me. Too closely.
"Who?" she demands.
I shake my head. "I don't know their names."
Not a lie. I don't know most of their names. Silence fills the kitchen alongside the smell of the coffee. But it's not comforting. It stretches. Gets thicker and heavier. "He loved you." Kelly's words are almost an accusation and hit harder than anything else. "He loved you so much, Audra."
My chest caves.
"I loved him too," I whisper back. "I still do." Just not like I was supposed to.
"Then don't do this," she pleads. "Don't go chasing after monsters. I already lost him. I'm not losing you, too."
That almost breaks me. Almost. But I just can't let it go.
I can't soften. I can't stop. I need to find out the truth.
Deep down, I fear I'm already lying to myself.
Because… do I want to find out the truth for Pete's sake?
Right, Audra, right. My bitchy side snarks.
It has nothing to do with the incredible sex or how much you're attracted to him.
"I can't let this go," I look pleadingly into Kelly's eyes, begging her to understand, begging her not to see through my lies to how fucked up I am. How much I've already betrayed her son.
Kelly closes her eyes like it physically pains her. Maggie's hand finds mine, squeezes it tightly. For a moment, we stand still, and so, it seems, does time.
Eventually, Kelly grabs for a Kleenex, blows her nose, and looks at me. "So what do you want?"
"Nothing. I only came to… tell you what happened that day. How Pete… died."
"Where are you staying?" Maggie wants to know.
Again, I shake my head. "With a friend."
Kelly's mother radar is up in no time. "The one from the funeral? You two looked very cozy."
I swallow. I deserve her suspicion, I really do. She's not wrong either. "It's not what it looks like."
"Oh really?" Kelly pushes off the wall with surprising strength and moves right into my face. "What does it look like to you? Because from where I'm standing, it looks damn suspicious."
"Mom," Maggie shakes her head.
"No," Kelly turns on her. "She needs to hear this. I loved you like a daughter." Her usage of the past tense hurts more than I like to admit. "And Pete loved you. He would have… he would have… died for you."
She swallows, gathers herself. "And here you are, wearing expensive clothes." She looks me up and down, and I swallow. I wasn't thinking when I got dressed this morning and put on one of the new dresses from the shopping spree.
"Expensive jewelry." Her gaze goes meaningful to the small gold bracelet that has become my favorite and which I hardly ever take off. Shit. "You're staying with a man who is rumored?—"
Maggie breaks her off, "That's enough, Mom."
"Is it?" Kelly's eyes blaze with anger. She grabs my arm. "You tell me right now, Audra, did you do something to cause Pete's death?"
"Mom!" Maggie cries.
I stare into Kelly's eyes; her words hurt, but I understand. I really do. "I swear on mine and Pete's life, Kelly. I had nothing to do with it. I was saved, and he wasn't. I'm sorry."
She stares at me a moment longer before she lets go of me and nods. "I think it's better if you leave now."
I lean forward and kiss her cheek, pretending not to notice her shrinking away. With a sigh, I turn to leave.
"Audra," she calls me back. I turn. "If you really had nothing to do with it and if you want to give me peace, call Detective Greenwald."
I don't answer; I can't make false promises to her. I feel like a whipped dog on my way back to the entrance door, where Maggie stops me.