Chapter Twenty-Four #2
He shakes his head as she stands up. His eyes run down her body and back up again, unsubtly checking her out.
‘Uh, I already cleared two sandwiches before you arrived,’ he says.
‘Hazards of waking up at five in the morning.’ He leans back again, patting his stomach, and, although it’s not quite trim and not quite fat, the sight of his dark hand against his middle does something abruptly and inappropriately carnal to Anika.
She flicks her gaze away from him and walks away quickly to grab a fork.
None of this is as controlled as she wants it to be.
It feels dangerous and upsetting, confusing and exciting.
Why the hell did I forget to write in the diary?
Returning to the table, she sits back down, still unsure of what to say. As she starts to stab the leaves in her bowl with the fork, Cam is the one to break the silence.
‘This is complicated, innit.’
She fights the urge to say that she’s sorry, thinking of how much she tries to avoid the sentiment in the diary every day. ‘It is.’
Cam blinks his curved eyelashes at her. ‘Tell me about you. You now.’
She’s not sure where to start. ‘Well … “Now” is a strange one. I suppose I’m at a crossroads.
A change-point. I still want to achieve all those things we spoke about that night.
I feel like I’m only just starting.’ Cam nods.
‘Things have been a bit mad for me lately, healthwise.’ Anika is still looking at her food but senses Cam’s eyebrows knit a little in concern at that.
‘I’m good now,’ she adds, nodding to herself and looking over at him.
‘And what it’s done is shown me a clearer path to becoming everything I want to be.
It’s shown me how I can control it.’ She makes a conscious effort to make her voice brighter.
‘Part of it is this new job I’m up for. Like I said, that’s why I wanted to tap you up, to see if my ideas make sense.
Obviously you’ve got a feel for the audience at Spin and what the powers-that-be there respond to, right?
I think I mentioned, but the job is working on specialist playlisting, podcast ideas, that sort of thing—’
‘You’d be perfect for that.’ Cam leans forward a little.
‘Shame you’re not the one interviewing me then, eh?’
He chuckles, then raises an eyebrow. ‘Who is, though? Maybe I can put in a good—’
‘I want to get this on my own,’ she says quickly. Does manifesting it count as cheating? ‘But thank you.’
‘Well, I meant it before. When I said anything you need.’
‘Thank you.’ She feels her face heat and launches rapidly into an explanation of some of the ideas she has, and he gives his thoughts. Eventually, Anika comes to a halt and studies him.
A slow smile spreads on Cam’s lips. ‘What?’ he asks.
‘Nothing, just … if I’m even getting vaguely close to my dreams, then what are you?
Like, you’re up in the stratosphere, right?
The breakfast show? The film?’ Anika finds herself grinning at him unreservedly and Cam returns it.
As their smiles ease, she adds, ‘From what I’ve read, it sounds pretty personal.
’ Her words are soft and Cam nods, shifting a little in his seat.
‘Yeah, man. It is.’ He’s speaking quietly too, a slight frown on his face. ‘I spent so long working on the film, trying to make sure I showed how things could have been, as well as how they ended up.’
He glances at Anika for a moment and she nods, then gives in and rubs the back of his outstretched hand lightly with the tips of her fingers for a second, feeling both nervous and relieved at the touch.
‘Cam, I’m sorry for leaving that night. I wish I had stayed. I know we haven’t really talked about it all fully, but …’
She tails off as Cam pulls back and shakes his head, seeming suddenly frustrated. ‘Anika, you don’t have to—’
A loud, high-pitched voice drops in between them from over Anika’s shoulder, interrupting him.
‘Hey, stranger! You’re here late.’
Anika turns to see Nia carrying a tray and looking between them, her colleague’s smile growing more rigid with each passing moment.
‘How’s it going?’ Cam says, not giving the impression he’s keen on the interruption. Anika feels a surge of embarrassing pleasure that things between him and Nia seem to be cooling, if not already on ice, but she’s also desperate to know what Cam was about to say.
‘Do you mind if I grab a seat with you guys?’ Nia asks.
Cam hesitates and against her better judgement, Anika takes pity on her. ‘Sure.’
Nia waits a moment before placing her tray on the table, edging Anika’s ever so slightly away.
‘Mondays are always mad in here,’ Nia says on an exhalation, still smiling.
Anika glances around. The place has filled up; she barely noticed, sucked into a bubble of Cam.
‘I didn’t know you two knew each other? Well, I know Anika’s a fan of the show … ’
The soupcon of sympathy Anika felt for Nia begins to dissipate. The two women look at one another as Cam says, ‘Yeah. Turns out we went to school together.’
‘Shit, no way!’ Nia takes a delicate nibble of a feta cube. ‘Anika, had you not realised that all this time?’
Anika understands the faint shadiness but she isn’t thrown by it. ‘No, no, I knew.’ She blinks benignly, trying to stifle her smirk.
Nia’s smile is rigid again.
‘Anika started at our old school just as I ended up taking, um … a sabbatical from London for a year or so,’ Cam says, watching Anika.
‘Yeah,’ Anika said softly. ‘We only crossed paths for a bit.’ Her gaze slides from Cam to settle on his …
she guesses girlfriend is no longer accurate, if it ever was.
‘We were just chatting about a potential pitch for one of my ideas for tomorrow. I’m going to be speaking to Ashley about the job they have going. ’
‘Oh. Right.’ Nia glances at Cam before turning more fully towards Anika, brushing back her bouncing curls. ‘I’d thought you interviewing for it was a rumour for some reason. So you are interviewing for the curator role? That’s amazing.’ The awe seems to be lacking in her voice, though.
‘Yeah,’ Anika says, finishing the last of her salad. ‘I thought it was time to take the bull by the horns and go for what I actually got into radio for. Could be a bit of a leap but I won’t know unless I try, right?’
Nia nods. ‘Well, I hope it goes well.’
Anika thinks of the diary. That side of things is already settled.
‘Thanks,’ she says absently, then starts to gather up her things and stand up.
Suddenly she remembers Nia mentioning she planned to ask Cam about this very thing, too.
It’s not Anika’s fault if she got there first – in all senses.
Today I didn’t let anyone get in the way of what I needed.
But looking at Nia again, her pretty face taut with keeping her hurt at bay, Anika’s bravado deflates.
She forces herself to continue. ‘Well, I guess I should head back upstairs.’ She turns to Cam.
‘I appreciate the chat. Maybe we can catch up again some other time.’ There’s a plea in her voice, and more she can’t quite explain.
He stares at her for a beat too long to be casual. The tension of memory is still there between them, as well as the magnetic pull of attraction.
‘For sure,’ he replies softly.