Jordan?
“Feeling any better?” Auggie smiled at me from his worktable when I slipped through the barn doors.
After cleaning up Jack’s plate and food from the kitchen floor and wiping the cabinet clean, I’d thrown all of the breakfast food and the shards of the plate away.
I’d washed up the skillet and cups and put everything away.
Angrily, I had turned off the radio so I didn’t have to hear The Rolling Stones anymore.
It was apparent that Jack, like he often did when he was upset, had decided to retire to his bedroom for the rest of the day.
My options were limited.
Staying at Jack’s place and hiding in my own room on the top floor was the easiest of all of my choices.
Walking around downtown Possibly to blow off steam was the second-best option.
However, walking around downtown would guarantee that I would run into someone and my attitude was not conducive to friendly banter with anyone.
Since I didn’t want to risk seeing Jack so soon after our fight, and I didn’t want to be rude to any other people in town, I had walked from Jack’s, past the graveyard, and down to Auggie’s barn.
The double doors had been thrown wide open so that the sun could get inside.
Auggie was hammering away at something on his worktable, a smile on his face.
Down with the Sickness, the Richard Cheese version, was playing loudly on his radio.
It was a nice change after hearing Happy play during my walk across Possibly.
As funny as the version of the song was, and the fact that it was a welcome change, it did nothing to fix my mood.
I was still angry.
I was pissed at my mom.
I felt abandoned and unloved.
Burden.
Mom had made me feel like I’d always been a burden to her. And Jack had blown a gasket when I simply tried to explain my feelings.
No. I wasn’t feeling any better.
Auggie stared at me, the hammer in his hand frozen in place above whatever he had been pounding on when I entered the barn.
“Jordan?”
“What?” I responded a little too sharply.
Auggie frowned and slowly lowered the hammer to the worktable, letting it come to rest upon the wooden surface as he stared at me blankly.
“Are you feeling any better?” Auggie asked after a few moments, his voice controlled and even.
“Better about what?” I grumbled, leaning against the doorframe.
“Um,” he said with a sigh, “everything? Last night? Life?”
I kicked at the dusty floor with the toe of my shoe, avoiding his eyes.
“Jordan?”
“What, Auggie?” I spat as I looked up. “What do you want?”
“Wow. Okay.” Auggie stepped away from his bench and crossed his arms over his chest to stare at me quizzically.
“What is it?” I snapped. “What am I supposed to be feeling better about?”
“I—”
“The fact that my mom doesn’t give a crap about me? That she’d rather I stay here and rot with the rest of the people in this town than go out and live life?” I growled. “That I don’t even know why anyone would want to live in this freaking town?”
Auggie’s eyes grew larger the longer I talked and his arms slowly slid from his chest to hang limply at his sides.
“That my friend lies to me and makes up weird stories and sets up some weird performance art to mess with me? That he finds ways to make sure we spend time together because he doesn’t have any other friends?
That I’m just serving a purpose for everyone?
Or that some people have no use for me at all? ”
“What?” Auggie’s mouth was agape.
“Don’t pull my leg anymore, man,” I waved him off angrily as I pushed away from the doorframe.
“What were you doing before I showed up in Possibly? Sneaking around and watching people make art at The Pueblo? Observing? Not participating? Hiding away in your barn? Hiding from the other guys in town? Making your…crap art? I’m not your friend. I’m a convenience!”
Auggie, his mouth still agape, blinked at me in disbelief as I glowered at him from across the barn.
“I hate this freaking town!” I bellowed finally. “It’s the most boring, backwoods, ridiculous place I’ve ever been to in my life! And I’ve been to tons of towns in Florida!”
Like a child, I stomped my foot and clenched my fists at my side as I glared at Auggie across the expanse of the barn.
For the longest of moments, he continued to stare at me like a fish gasping for water.
When I thought I couldn’t take the silence any longer, and my fists were shaking, Auggie finally closed his mouth.
His eyes changed. It was like he was looking through me instead of at me.
His arms went lax at his side and he sighed.
I thought he’d speak, his mouth opened slightly as if he might, but at the last second, he closed his mouth and began to walk towards me.
As angry as I was, the closer Auggie got, the more terrified I was that he was going to deck me.
Lay me out with a single punch—that’s how calm he was, to the point that violence might be on his mind.
However, when he approached, he started to step past me, as if to leave the barn. At the last second, he stopped, facing out of the barn as I continued to stare inside of it.
“No one is making you stay here, Jordan,” he said softly. “You’re welcome to leave anytime you want. You have a choice.”
I lowered my eyes to the ground.
“And you don’t have to be my friend,” he mumbled. “In fact, it’s probably best if you weren’t.”
Then he continued walking, stepping out into the bright sunlight of summertime in Possibly. My instinct was to spin around. To begin apologizing profusely for taking my anger and hurt out on the only real friend I’d had in…forever. But I couldn’t force myself to do it.
How long I stood in the open doorway of the barn, I wasn’t sure, but Auggie was long gone when I turned around and left. Down with the Sickness drifted off in the distance as the barn receded behind me and The Rolling Stones replaced it.
Happy?
No. I wasn’t.
I was stuck in Possibly. That was obvious.
And I always would be.