Chapter 8
That evening, I text both the kids as usual, but only Joe texts me back.
Sighing, I change into a Little Black Dress as we are all invited to a soirée called Cock & Mock.
I kid you not. Obviously the staff, who were Italian, had no idea of how awful blending the words cocktail and mocktail sounded.
It’s so awful, and I can’t wait to snigger about it with Markus.
Which reminds me. I promised him I’d keep in touch.
Funny, though, how neither Simon nor Cassie have even answered my message to let them know that I had arrived safely and not, say, crashed into the Alps.
Taking advantage of the fact that my mother always takes ages to get ready, I sneak out to what I’ve decided is my favourite, secluded spot on the terrace overlooking the lake.
‘Hey, you…’ comes his Scandinavian drawl through the ether.
‘Hi,’ I breathe. It’s only been a day, but it feels good to hear his voice. ‘How are you doing?’
‘All good here. I’m just looking over some invoices.’
So far, so normal.
‘So,’ he says brightly. ‘What are you up to this evening?’
‘I’m having Cock & Mock!’ I say mock-brightly as I survey the other guests chatting away in their black and white, high-society eveningwear. We could easily be on an old Hollywood movie set before the advent of colour TV.
He snorts. ‘What?’
‘You heard me.’
‘You could have mentioned to me that you were on a wild holiday, Livvie.’
That’s an annoying thing about Markus. He is so au fait with our friendship that he actually feels comfortable flirting with me. I flirt back, of course, but we both know it’s just for a bit of fun.
‘Easy, loverboy. It’s not that wild,’ I correct him.
‘Is it that cheesy?’ he asks.
‘Actually, it’s very posh. Very Italian. It’s like being on a cruise ship circa the 1930s, only we aren’t actually going anywhere. There are multiple gyms, a beauty salon, lots of restaurants and bars and even an Olympic-sized swimming pool…’
‘Don’t forget the Cock & Mock.’
‘How could I?’ I giggle. ‘And the views are to die for. I hadn’t realised that the Alps were so beautiful.’
‘So you’ve been swept away?’
‘That’s nothing. Do you want to know the real news?’
‘I’m listening.’
‘Guess who is here?’
Markus pauses for a moment. ‘Uhm… Sting?’
‘Guess again.’
‘Emma Thompson? Kate Winslet?’
‘I wish. At least I’d be having a ball with them. It’s my bloody mother.’
‘I didn’t quite catch that. What did you say, you want a Bloody Mary?’ His voice crackles over the line.
‘No, I said—’
‘Sorry, Livvie, the connection’s getting iffy, say that again?’ he asks.
‘My bloody mother is here,’ I repeat, slightly louder than before.
‘What…?’
‘I SAID, MY BLOODY MOTHER IS HERE!’ I scream into my mobile and become instantly aware that I have witnesses. And by the looks on their faces, some of them also speak English. Oh, grand, just grand. The last thing I need is someone to tell her about this – that’ll set her off.
‘Oh…’ comes his reply. ‘Ouch.’
‘Exactly.’
‘Did you flip out?’ he asks.
‘I haven’t stopped flipping out since I got here,’ I hiss into my phone. ‘Not that she’d know. We always have to keep our emotions in check so as not to upset poor little Mother. I never could stand to see her cry.’
‘So you’re going to stay?’ Without even giving me a chance to answer, he says, ‘You should stay. Do the mother–daughter bonding thing and all that.’
‘I’ll stay, because this place is heaven on earth. But the only bonding thing happening here is me tying myself to a chair. Or maybe I’ll go on a hunger strike…’
‘Livvie…’
‘I’m serious, Markus. I don’t want her to talk about the past. Because then I’ll really let her have it.’
‘Are you going to behave yourself out there?’
‘Unless she gets all touchy-feely on me.’
‘She won’t. So what’s on the agenda for tomorrow?’
I sigh, already dreading it. ‘Ah. Yoga, pilates and a keto cooking class. But apparently they’ll be checking my bloodwork and general health, too.’
‘What for?’
‘They say there’s no point in a wellness clinic that doesn’t check your health first and foremost, so they can recommend the best ways to make you feel well again. It’s what makes this place so expensive, I’m sure.’
‘Don’t forget to smile and be nice.’
‘Ha. I’m always nice. Aren’t I?’
‘Yes. Snarky-nice.’
‘That’s still a form of nice, though, isn’t it?’
I can feel him grin. ‘In a way. The Livvie way.’
‘So how’re things back at the ranch?’ I ask. ‘How are Dad and the kids? I miss them!’ I miss you, too, but that’s another story.
‘Ah, just fine! Joe played extremely well in his football match yesterday, and Cassie is studying hard.’
‘Is she?’ I marvel. ‘Wow. It must be my absence that has a positive effect on her, then.’
‘Don’t say that, skat…’
‘I’m not complaining. I’m just happy she’s getting on with it. She’s doing much better than I was at her age.’
‘Your situation was different,’ he reassures me. ‘How are you going to handle things with your mother, anyway?’
‘I wish I could ignore her completely. She hasn’t changed. Still superficial, a real social animal.’ I sigh. ‘She’s just so out of touch with people like us, you know? You can never actually get her to sit down for one straight minute and talk about important things.’
‘Last I heard, she and your dad speak at least once a week. It seems to me you are the only one that is resisting her charms.’
‘And for a good reason, Markus. You don’t know her, luckily. She’d reel you right in. But I know what lies behind the smiles and the hugs. She’s manipulative, calculating and selfish. Don’t be fooled by all the gifts she sends. Aldo has the money, not her.’
‘Do you think that now you’re together you might start to forgive her?’
‘Ha! That’s not happening.’
‘But you accepted the invitation. It would hardly be polite to ignore her, wouldn’t it? I mean, you’re her guest.’
‘I didn’t know she’d be here, let alone that we’d be in adjoining rooms, by the way.’
He chuckles at my indignation. ‘Ooh, the plot thickens.’
‘That’s what she’s like. Luckily, besides the appointments she joint-booked me with, she’s got loads of friends here and workshops to keep her busy, so hopefully I’ll get a chance to breathe every once in a while.
It’s at night that I can’t get away from her constant gabbing.
She won’t let me close the door between our rooms because she wants to chat. ’
‘I see.’
I sigh. ‘I wish you could. I’m trying to go to sleep but all she does is yammer on about when I was a little girl, and do I remember this party or that picnic, when all I really want to do is scream at her for leaving us.’
‘And you’ve never done that?’
‘I never got the chance!’ I say, getting heated. ‘It’s not like she sat us down and told us she was in love with someone else. She just upped and left, Markus! She left me on that bloody stage singing by myself in front of everyone!’
‘I know, sweetie…’
‘And the letters that she wrote? I never answered them. I let Dad deal with her. And if the kids wanted to see their grandmother, I couldn’t stop them, could I?
Especially with Dad advocating for her. It’s like he still holds a candle for her.
My God, Markus! Do you think he still holds a candle for her? After all these years?’
Markus chuckles. ‘No, I don’t think so. I think he’s just a very kind man, and he knew it was no use holding a grudge for too long. And that’s what you need to realise, too. But first, you have to talk to her.’
‘I can’t. There’s just too much resentment. If I try and talk to her now, she’ll only cry and make me feel guilty about it. That’s what she used to do to Dad.’
‘So you’re just pretending everything is okay?’
‘Barely.’
‘That’s no way to live, Livvie.’
‘I know. But she brings out the worst in me. I know I have to sort myself out. I will.’
‘Promise?’
‘Cross my heart. Speaking of, did you send off my cross-stitched hearts shipment to Japan?’
‘Yes. But we’re not talking about work, remember? Try to relax as much as possible and have that talk with your mum.’
‘That’s an oxymoron, like “Dying happily” or “Grounded flying”. It just isn’t going to happen,’ I say.
‘Miracles do happen, Livvie. Just keep the faith.’
Keep the faith. Huh. ‘Talk soon?’
‘You bet,’ he says. ‘Give me a ring when you’re free.’
‘Will do,’ I promise.
‘Love you,’ he says.
It tears my heart into a million pieces every time he says that.
I just close my eyes and all the fantastical scenarios swirl through my brain.
If only Markus loved me the way I wanted him to love me.
If only I’d met him instead of Simon, all those years ago.
There’s an entire parallel universe, a parallel life that I could have had from the moment we met.
It’s crazy, I know, but I feel that I’ve actually lost out on that life, even if it only exists in my deluded, love-sick mind.
‘Love you, too,’ I say.
*
The next day I have a meeting with the in-house, wait for it…
shrink. Because my mother mentioned that it might be a good idea to get a load off my mind.
And no, she wasn’t trying to be funny. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of being right, but I thought about my conversation with Markus, and decided that he would think it was a good idea.
In fact, I told Susan that Markus had suggested it first. I don’t think it will actually do me any good though.
I mean, I understand and respect that other people do, but I don’t do any of that emotional spillage.
It’s messy, and once the Jack is out of the box there’s no putting it back.
So I’ll go, just this once, to appease everyone.
Plus, Dottor Giovanni Severini’s office is all the way on the other side of the complex, meaning I’ll have a nice quiet stroll on my own.