Chapter Nineteen Nomi
CHAPTER NINETEEN
NOMI
It’s eleven p.m. the night before our shore weekend, so you know what that means.
Absolutely nothing because I’m not ever bringing motorized blades around my labia again.
I rummage through my drawers until I find the bikini with the boy shorts, the only bottoms that can contain my multitudes, and toss them on the bed.
Somewhere within the covers, my phone buzzes.
I pat around until I find it, then flop onto my back to read the text.
JULIAN
As your doctor
NOMI
Not my doctor
Julian is typing…
NOMI
Oh, God. I already see where this is going
Julian is typing…
NOMI
Don’t do it!!!
JULIAN
On the night before a beach trip, I must caution you against any ill-advised attempts to visit “folds town” with an electric hair removal device.
NOMI
We swore never to speak of that night again.
JULIAN
We never swore to that. I would’ve NEVER sworn to that.
NOMI
It was an implied swear.
JULIAN
So… are you… going to?
NOMI
Chill, I’m not going to slice open any labia and ruin another shore weekend.
JULIAN
Good, because I’m on call tonight, and I still need to pack. I simply don’t have time for another trip to “folds town” in a professional capacity.
NOMI
Quit saying “folds town,” or I’m rescinding your invitation.
Julian is typing…
NOMI
JULIAN, GODDAMMIT
JULIAN
Folds town.
JULIAN
EVE INVITED ME, SO YOU CAN’T RESCIND SHIT, WYETH!!
NOMI
You are *so* annoying.
JULIAN
Can’t wait for tomorrow.
NOMI
I roll over onto my stomach and smile into my pillow. Somehow, against every rational impulse in my body, I’ve caught feelings for Julian freaking D’Angelo.
NOMI
quick question
NOMI
if someone says they don’t have time for another trip to “folds town” in a professional capacity, does that imply they DO have time to visit in their individual capacity?
EVE
I cannot believe you’re texting me about this. It’s eleven thirty at night. I am BUSY. Making POT de crémes! YOU’RE WELCOME BTW!!!
NOMI
Wouldn’t it be pots de créme?
GRAHAM
Nomi, as the resident male in this group chat, that’s ABSOLUTELY what that means.
NOMI
I was afraid of that
EVE
Do NOT encourage her, Grahamuel!
GRAHAM
why afraid? you liiiiiiike him!
NOMI
I do not!
GRAHAM
You want to pull on the doctor’s little curls and watch them spring up.
EVE
This is literally the opposite of not encouraging her.
NOMI
… ok. I do want to do that. They’re so cute!! But you both know I don’t date.
EVE
… do we tho?
GRAHAM
do we, tho???
GRAHAM
jinx!
EVE
Seriously Nomes, what’s holding you back from riding that annoying man’s face and shutting him up for the greater good?
GRAHAM
Solid point. Nomi?
NOMI
Whatever Eve, don’t act like you don’t like Julian now, too.
EVE
The rich man pays our rent. We like the rich man.
NOMI
Hey, I earned that money by teaching him about cannabis.
EVE
notice how she’s dodging our very valid question, Grahamuel?
GRAHAM
Indeed.
NOMI
I’m not dodging it, per se…
EVE
incredibly dodgy thing to say
NOMI
I just don’t know how to answer.
EVE
Well, you might want to figure that out b/c I’ve got you and Julian sharing a room at the shore house. OK BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
NOMI
WHAT?!?!?!
I blink down at my phone, heart racing.
SMS silence. Nobody is typing.
NOMI
YOU COME BACK TO THIS CHAT RIGHT NOW, EVE IONIDES, OR ELSE I’M COMING UP THERE!
Then, from above: “FUCKING GET OVER IT, NOMI! IT’S HAPPENING!” muffled through the floors.
I yell up at the ceiling. “NO, IT’S NOT!”
“YOU NEED TO GET LAID. WE’VE ALL DECIDED, IT’S FOR YOUR OWN FUCKING GOOD!”
An outraged huff exits my body. I march up the stairs and throw open her front door. “Who the hell is we?!”
Eve whirls around in her kitchen, apron on, whisk raised in self-defense. “The royal we, of course!”
I fold my arms. “Names. Now.”
Eve points the whisk at me. “You want names? Fine. Your mom, Graham, me, the bartender at the Salty Taco—”
I blink at her. “You’re discussing my sex life with strangers at the lesbian bar?!”
“Kaleigh is a close, personal friend!” Eve yells. “With sage and timely advice!”
A clot of pale green cream drips off the whisk and splats onto the vinyl floor.
We both look at it, then back at each other.
“Eve,” I moan, then throw myself onto her couch.
Big Bird promptly hops into my lap and begins batting at my chin, which I try to dodge.
“You already invited him against my will. Don’t do this to me. ”
Eve takes a deep breath, tosses the whisk into the bowl, then joins me on the couch.
“First of all, it wasn’t against your will.
You were horrified for two seconds, then I saw the excitement form on your face in real time.
You like him, Nomi. You never like anyone! Don’t you think that means something?”
“No,” I cross my arms, and Big Bird uses them like a ladder to get closer to my nose. “Not really.”
Eve rolls her eyes. “You’ve always been able to say no, thanks to the guys that like you, but you can’t with him, and that scares you.”
“He annoys me!”
“He wakes you up, and that’s a good thing, Nomi.
Someone needs to.” Eve exhales through her nose.
“Listen, if you were happy living this acetic hot-nun lifestyle where you never date or have sex or even entertain romantic relationships, I would gladly leave you be. But you’re not happy.
I can’t endorse your decisions that ultimately harm you, and that you’re making out of fear. ”
My mouth opens, but surprise hinders my words. “I—what? I thought you were stoned! Where’s this coming from?”
“I am stoned. You know that Sour Diesel sativa blend you got me for creativity? Pretty sure it’s jacked up my IQ by thirty points.
I solved the New York Times Crossword in like, three minutes today.
” Eve holds up one finger, runs to the kitchen, then returns with a spoon heaped with budder cream. “Here. Emotional support frosting.”
I take a small lick and sigh miserably.
“I know you don’t like to talk about your health problems, which means that, even as your best and hottest friend, I don’t know exactly what you’re facing.
But I do know that life is easier when we let others love us.
All of us, the good parts, and the bad. And there is so, so much good in you, Nomi.
You deserve to love and be loved.” Eve smiles kindly, which is altogether a very frightening look for her.
“And when you don’t make your own moves, that means I have to for the good of the order.
Plus, Kayleigh’s really invested in you two getting together, and it’s giving me a reason to text her, so.
” Eve claps her hands. “Chop chop, as they say.”
“I’m cutting you off from Sour Diesel.” I take another big lick. “And Kayleigh.”
“Ha! I’d like to see you try.”
I exhale a long, deep breath. “Look, I hear what you’re saying, and it all sounds really wise, but I’m not sitting here thinking stuff like, boo hoo, I’m sick, I don’t deserve to be loved!
” I shake my head, annoyed that that’s how it looks to my own best friend.
“And my feelings for Julian are… complicated.”
“Complicated how?” Eve asks. “Tell me. Open up. Do you need more budder cream?”
I hand her the spoon, and she brings it back, refilled.
“I do like Julian a lot,” I begin, taking another lick. “But he’s… like a mosquito bite.”
Eve arches an eyebrow. “If you thought that was a clear and complete thought, you’re wrong.”
“Ever since he moved back, he’s been this—itch—constantly reminding me of his presence, driving me crazy, you know?”
Eve stares at me, disgusted. “Go… on?”
“And that night at the Pot Luck, I finally scratched it, and it felt so good, like heaven scratching that itch. But as soon as we stopped, the itch came back, worse than ever. I wanted to scratch him even more.”
“This metaphor’s really starting to bother me.”
“That’s what this whole working together, hanging out together, becoming friends thing has been like.
This maddening itch I want to scratch so bad, but I know that if I do, it’ll never be enough.
He’s leaving in three months, Eve. They’d be crazy not to reinstate him at Philly Gen, and then what will happen?
I don’t fit into his life there. He’ll go back to working all the time, I’ll never see him anymore, and I’ll be left here with this horrible itch I can’t scratch. ”
Eve sits there, face rumpled in comic displeasure.
“Well, you asked.” I huff. “Why would I date someone when I know it’s going to end? Why would I open myself up and get all vulnerable for three months, at best?”
“Because you just said kissing him felt like heaven.” Eve blinks at me. “You’re thinking about this all wrong. Scratch the itch, Nomi, because he’s going to leave in three months! You don’t have to open up about anything if you don’t want to—just have fun!”
I frown, feeling slightly outmatched. Whatever’s in this budder cream is not making me smarter. “I don’t know…”
“Listen. Julian is the most intense person you’ve ever met. How do you think that translates in bed? Hmm?” Eve’s eyebrows are raised halfway up her forehead. “Plus, he’s already handled your vulva once without making you come—the man’s indebted!”
“Okay, you’ve made your points, genius. I’ll think about them. But in the meantime, can you please trust that if I want to hook up with Julian, I’ll do it on my own terms? In a bedroom of my choosing? I don’t need to be forced. And tell Kayleigh to get off my dick.”
Eve sighs. “Fine. I’ll shift things so we can room together, and Graham will stay with Julian. But if you change your mind, let’s use a code word.” Eve pauses. “Pumpkin.”
I massage my temples. “Pumpkin it is.”
Eve points at me. “And pumpkin goes both ways! If I need to claim the room, you have to respect my pumpkin.”
“Okay. I’ll respect your pumpkin.” I stop in the doorway, then give her a small smile. “Thanks, Eve. For looking out for me and going way too far, as usual.”