Chapter 4
Four
Cali stepped outside the tavern and drew in a breath as the door shut behind her and dampened the sounds of lute music and dancing feet.
The storm had subsided; the wind no longer hurled flakes of snow at the leaded windows or tore at the thatched roof.
The wooden “Tusk & Tail” sign creaked on its hinges as it swung in the weary breeze, and the pantheri glanced overhead, glad that it had withstood the storm.
Despite the cold, she was glad to escape the heat of the great room. Between the crackling fire and the boisterous dancing, the tavern had become stifling. At least, to a pantheri who boasted a thick coat of gray-striped fur.
“Wanna swig?”
Cali’s eyes quickly adjusted to the dark and made out a tiny figure perched on the back of the wooden brandy wagon that huddled between the tavern and the bridge. “Rog?” She glanced behind her at the tavern door. “I thought you were inside.”
He beckoned with one hand for her to join him. “I needed a break from the dancing.”
She laughed as she walked toward him, making out more details of her friend in the faint glow from the flickering lantern swinging over his head. “You?”
He returned the laugh, scooting over and patting the space next to him.
“You know I love this village, but sometimes I crave the quiet moments that came with crewing.” He flapped a hand at her, as if waving away unspoken arguments before she could make them.
“I know crewing isn’t solitary, but when it was just the six of us on the road, sometimes there was no one but us camping out in a field.
Everyone would drift off to sleep one by one until it was just you and your thoughts. ”
“Unless Pirrin talked in his sleep,” Cali reminded him.
Rog stroked a hand down his blue beard. “Or Vaskel blew out smoke when he snored.”
Cali smiled at the memory of their crew sleeping around a smoldering fire and cocooned in darkness.
She could almost catch of whiff of braised meat on the breeze and hear the muffled whinny of the horses they’d always tethered nearby.
The sensations were so sharp and vivid that she could barely swallow.
“I know what you mean,” she finally said. “It was different when it was just us.”
Rog produced a jug of apple brandy from behind his back and uncorked it with a resonant pop. “Don’t mistake my meaning. I’m happy as I could be to be back with my Rosie.”
“And not running from a bunch of trolls.”
The gnome took a glug and made a face, although Cali wasn’t sure if it was the trolls or the brandy that elicited the grimace. “Not one of our better quests.”
Cali took the offered jug from her friend. “It wasn’t so bad until Pirrin insulted the troll queen.”
“By calling her a troll king.”
Cali almost choked on her mouthful of brandy as she stifled a laugh. “An honest mistake, to be fair.”
Rog laughed alongside her, although their laughter faded away into sadness at the memory of their friend.
“Do you miss it?” Cali asked, her voice soft. “The crewing? The adventures?”
“Not enough to return to it.” Rog didn’t pivot his head as he took back the jug and balanced it on his knees. “The part I miss is gone. The six of us together.” He huffed out a cloud of breath. “But maybe it was never there in the first place.”
She tilted her head to take in his profile. “What do you mean?”
“I like to remember us as a united team, getting along, overcoming obstacles together. But that’s more wishful thinking than anything. There was rarely a time when Malek wasn’t worrying us with his magic or Vaskel wasn’t charming some village wife with a hotheaded husband.”
“But that wasn’t so bad,” Cali said. “All crews have some conflict.”
“They do, but it does us no good to keep our eyes fixed on the past and only remember the best times. It makes it hard for us to be fully in the now. One day we’ll look back on this very night as one of the good old days. Might as well enjoy it now.”
Rog’s words silenced her. He was right, of course. She’d spent most of her life with one foot planted firmly in the past and constantly chasing something she seemed destined to never find.
“But what if I can’t give up the past?” she whispered.
The gnome studied her for a moment. “It isn’t the adventuring you’re searching for, is it?”
She shook her head.
“Even when we ran together, you were always looking for something. I thought it was just the restless need to prove yourself, but it’s more than that, isn’t it, Cal?”
Cali had never shared much of her past. Not even with her closest friends.
Part of her was afraid that if she told anyone they might tell her she was being foolish and there was no hope.
But so much time had passed that not even she was sure it was hope that kept her looking as much as habit.
And she couldn’t think of any reason not to tell one of her dearest friends.
“There was a woman,” the words fell from her mouth in a tumble. “When I first started crewing, I fell in with a rough crew. The only redeeming part of it was Adelaide.”
Rog’s small face bunched. “You never mentioned an Adelaide before. Not even when you talked about your old crews.”
“I know I didn’t. I couldn’t bear to talk about her.
” Cali tugged at her whiskers. “We were close, probably because we were the only two in the bunch who weren’t criminals to the core.
I never understood why she’d fallen in with the lot, but she’d been with them when I joined.
All I knew for certain was that she wanted out.
We both did.” Cali snatched a breath but kept talking.
“We planned to leave together as soon as we’d saved enough to go out on our own. ”
“Did she change her mind?” Rog asked.
Cali shook her head, a chill passing over her fur that had nothing to do with the weather. “One night, I went ahead to scout for the next quest. When I came back, Adelaide was gone. None of the others knew how or why, but the leader of our gang was furious.”
“She left without you?” The tenderness in the gnome’s voice made Cali’s heart twist, as did the memory of hurrying back to the camp and finding Adelaide missing.
“I couldn’t believe she’d do that, so I convinced myself that something bad had happened or that she’d been taken. I left the crew that night to find her, and I never went back.”
“But you never found her?” Rog asked.
Cali gave a rough shake of her head as she forced herself to square her shoulders. “She’s who I’m looking for in every village and around every bend in the road.”
Rog didn’t speak for a while, but he passed her back the brandy. Cali took a drink and welcomed the burn that scorched a ragged path down her throat.
“We would have helped you look, Cal.”
She bobbed her head. “I know that, but you couldn’t have done any more than I was already doing.
And then it would have hung over us. It would have been all we talked about.
It would have stolen every moment of joy.
” She put a paw over the hand resting on his knee.
“And I needed those moments. I needed you all to know me as Cali. Not as Cali, the pantheri who’d been left by the woman she’d been sure loved her. ”
Rog grunted. “You found no trace of her? Not even a clue?”
She shook her head, afraid to voice what she feared the most. “Nothing.”
The gnome sighed. “That doesn’t mean—“
Cali pulled back quickly. “No lies, Rog. This is one reason I don’t tell people. It’s bad enough that I’ve been lying to myself for all these years, but I can’t bear it if you do it too.”
Rog held up his hands. “All right then, no lies. But as someone who kept his wife tucked away from danger for a long time, there are plenty of places to go where you won’t be found.”
Cali forced herself to smile. “Then let’s hope she’s living happily in one of those places.”
Rog produced another jug of brandy from behind his back. “I’ll drink to that.”
They both raised the jugs to their lips and took long gulps. After the gnome swiped the back of his hand across his mouth, he turned to Cali. “You should tell the others.”
Her back stiffened, but she knew he was right. She’d come so close to telling both Vaskel and Lira on multiple occasions but had always lost her nerve. “Once I’m back.”
This seemed to satisfy Rog, who returned his attention to his jug of brandy. “Who knows? Maybe you’ll find her on this adventure.”
“On a pirate ship?” She eyed him. “She was a rogue, not a pirate.”
Rog tilted his head back and forth. “Well, you’re an archer and you’re going.”
That was true enough, but she had a few reasons for going.
Not that she had any intention of telling the gnome about her fascination with the pirate captain.
She’d shared enough of herself for one night, thank you very much.
Besides, it felt like a betrayal to Adelaide to feel even a flutter for someone else.
The door to the tavern opened, spilling warm light from inside as a willowy figure stepped outside. He paused, looking regal and serene, then he turned, tugged at something behind him, and released a flurry of breath.
“Come along, Glen, you silly bird. You’ve had plenty of excitement for one evening.”
The ostrich high-stepped out the door, his small head appearing first, followed by a profusion of lavender feathers covered in a jeweled harness. He let out a warble of protest, which seemed to be his preferred sound.
“Heading home?” Cali called out, announcing their presence so they wouldn’t startle the elf or his ostrich.
If Erindil was surprised by their presence, he didn’t let on. “Taking the long way so Glen can get some exercise and walk off all the cake he ate. That’s right, Glen. Don’t think I didn’t notice the crumbs on your feathers.”
Another warble from Glen.
As the pair got closer, Erindil lowered his voice. “The back door might also have been blocked by a very exuberant dwarf insistent on corralling everyone onto the dance floor.”
“Sass or Thrain?” Cali asked.
“Thrain,” the elf said with a shudder.
Cali grinned at this, her melancholy fading as she thought of her friends inside the tavern.
“Shouldn’t you be readying yourself to join The Cruel Mistress?” Erindil asked when his gaze settled on the pantheri.
Cali cast a glance at the sleeping village blanketed under pristine snow and wondered how tricky it would be to make her way back to the inn to gather her things.
Then she swung her gaze back to the elder elf.
She wasn’t sure how old he was, but it was many times the age of anyone she knew.
“Had you heard of Bonnie One-Eye and her ship before tonight?”
The elf smiled at her as he urged Glen forward. “Oh yes, my dear archer. Bonnie and I are old friends.”