Chapter 46
Forty-Six
Cali sat curled in Korl’s overstuffed armchair, Crumpet a warm, feathered weight against her side, and stared into the smoldering embers of the fire without really seeing them.
The tavern had gone quiet hours ago, the last of the regulars stumbling home well after dark, and Sass had scrubbed every surface to within an inch of its life before finally trudging up to bed herself, muttering about madness and pirates and people running headlong into trouble.
Now there was only the low hiss of the dying fire and the steady, rumbling snore of Thrain, asleep in the chair across from her with Bramble burrowed deep into the tangle of his beard.
She should have been asleep. They were leaving at first light, and the journey ahead would demand every bit of strength she could muster.
But sleep had refused to come as her mind had looped through the same handful of memories from her time on The Cruel Mistress until they’d worn smooth in her mind.
She’d thought there would be time. That was the thought that kept surfacing, needling her no matter how many times she pushed it back under. She’d told herself the timing wasn’t right, but she hadn’t imagined a version of the future where there might be no more time at all.
Her paw found its way to the sketch tucked inside her vest pocket without her knowing she was reaching for it.
She drew it out and stared at The Cruel Mistress rendered in those few brisk lines, but the painted swirls and the fierce mermaid at the bow were slightly blurred behind the sudden press of unexpected tears.
She’d lost one love to the sea already. The thought of losing another to it felt unbearable, a cruelty too large and too unfair to be real.
She’s not dead, Cali told herself fiercely, gripping the sketch tighter.
She made herself think instead of what could be done.
They would search every island between Eldu and Claw Island, inhabited or not, and every cove and inlet where a strong swimmer might have washed ashore.
She knew how skilled a sailor Bonnie was, how fiercely her crew would have fought to keep her aboard, how unlikely the sea could simply swallow a woman like that without leaving some trace behind.
Her fingers had been stroking absently along Crumpet’s feathered back this whole time, and somewhere in the process of analyzing the grim possibilities, her strokes had grown faster and more insistent, until the flutterstoat let out an indignant huff and twisted free of her grip entirely.
He slid her a quelling look before flying across the room to resettle on the arm of Thrain’s chair instead.
“Sorry, Crump,” Cali sighed, dropping her hand back into her lap. “I guess I’m more worried than I want to admit.”
Crumpet tilted his head, watching her with those shiny black eyes, and something about the patience in his gaze loosened the words she’d been holding back all evening.
“I never told Bonnie how I felt,” she admitted, quiet enough not to wake Thrain.
“Not properly, at least. I kissed her on our last night aboard, and then I ran out of the room before she could say anything back, because I told myself the timing wasn’t right.
I was sure we’d find each other again when it made more sense.
” She looked down at the sketch still clutched in her paw.
“I never imagined that we would run out of time.”
Crumpet chattered again, softer this time.
“I lost Adelaide because of things neither of us could control,” Cali continued.
“And after that, I never risked my heart again because I knew the pain of having it shattered.” She broke off, throat tightening.
“Bonnie was the first woman I’d allowed myself to have feelings for since Adelaide, but I still wasn’t brave enough to tell her.
If we find her, I’m not going to be afraid to tell her exactly how I feel.
” Her voice cracked slightly. “I’m going to tell her I love her. ”
She fell silent, the popping of the fire drowned out by Thrain’s snoring, and she noticed that Crumpet’s gaze was no longer fixed on her, but on something past her shoulder.
Cali twisted around in the chair to see a hooded figure standing inside the doorway, having apparently slipped in under cover of Thrain’s snoring. Cali’s heart lurched into her throat, the words already forming to tell the traveler that the tavern was closed for the night.
Then the figure reached up and pushed back the hood. “Did you really mean that?”
It was Bonnie.