29. Chapter 29
Six months later…
“The one-year anniversary is coming up,” Ann, her therapist, said.
“Yep,” Melanie said. She knew all the tricks by now. Ann would say something like that hoping she would elaborate on her own. Not today.
“Anniversaries can be hard. They can also be a relief. It’s another year behind you, another year that you’ve survived and lived beyond your trauma.”
“I haven’t had a lot of time to think about it. We moved into the house we bought, work has been crazy, my mom has been a drama queen about my sister’s divorce. I’ve had other things to deal with.”
“That can be a good thing too, distraction helps us cope. As long as you aren’t using those things to avoid dealing with what you went through.”
Melanie shifted on the couch and looked at the clock. She had wanted to cancel this appointment today, but Levi convinced her to come. There was seriously a lot that she was behind on at work. DeLaney was making changes again and Andrea had been working non-freaking-stop. In return, so was everyone else.
“I’m not avoiding. I haven’t had a nightmare in three months, it was a month before that when I had the last one. He hasn’t been standing behind me in the mirror. I think moving helped with that.”
Ann hummed and wrote something on her tablet. “Getting out of the place he attacked you probably helped. What about the pain?”
“It’s been fine.”
“Have you been able to wear shorts yet?”
This was ridiculous. She really wasn’t in the mood for all of this. “Around the house, but not in public.”
Ann wrote something again. That was just great. “You seem agitated today, do you want to tell me why?”
No, she really didn’t. “I’m here because my husband asked me not to cancel. He doesn’t ask a lot of me, so I came because of that. Personally, I don’t want to be here. I know the anniversary is coming. I know I’ve been short and a bit edgy because of it, but you try being stalked for two months, getting kidnapped, and then escaping by running almost ten miles in the woods and see how you feel about it.”
“Good. Get angry, Melanie. You’re allowed to be angry. You’ve never let yourself be mad about what happened.”
She sat back on the couch with a huff. “What good does being angry do?”
“We’re human. One of the stages we need to go through to get over an ordeal is anger. A lot of times, we get over that anger by finding out why something happened. We like to have a reason. In your case, you could never confront your attacker and get the answers you needed.”
That made a lot of sense actually, but it still didn’t answer the question. “And me being angry helps how?”
“Because you have to find a way to let go of that anger without getting the answers that will never come. Until you do that, you’re never going to fully move past what happened.”
“And how do I do that?”
Ann gave her a soft smile. “That’s the question, isn’t it?”
When she got back to HQ, she went up to Scarlett’s office, but she wasn’t there. She asked one of the security guys in the hall if they knew where she was and they said the Boss’ office. That’s how she found herself camped out in the waiting area in front of Andrea’s office. Hutch had offered to interrupt for her, but she didn’t want to be a bother, so she was content to wait. Even though she had a million things waiting for her downstairs, this was more important. Her agitation must have been showing or getting worse though because about ten minutes in, Hutch said, “I’m going to knock.”
It was whatever at that point.
“Come in!”
He pulled on the door, but it didn’t open because it was locked. After he put in the code, he stuck his head in the office. “Melanie is here and would like a word with Scarlett.”
“Tell her to come in,” Andrea said.
She hadn’t been expecting to find Andrea laid on the couch with Addy sleeping on her chest or Scarlett kicked back in a chair with a drink in her hand. Apparently it was a good thing Hutch knocked because it didn’t look like they had any intention of being done anytime soon.
“What can I do for you?” Scarlett asked, taking a sip of what was no doubt vodka.
It was now or never. Even though she hadn’t wanted to drag Andrea into this, it didn’t seem like she had a choice. Scarlett would probably tell her what they said anyway if she asked to talk to her alone. “When you cleaned out Kenneth Grand’s apartment, was there any indication as to why he did what he did?”
“You mean other than being a psycho?”
“Scarlett,” Andrea warned. “Sit for a minute and tell us what’s going on.” She rubbed Addy’s back but made no attempt to move. That kid could practically sleep through anything. Once when she and Levi babysat, she dropped a plate that bounced before shattering, making tons of noise. Addy had just kept on sleeping in her swing ten feet away.
Melanie sat down and eyed Scarlett’s drink. Alcohol wouldn’t help though, she tried that once. All it did was make her cry. “I was just wondering if there was anything in his apartment that explained why he did it? A journal, a letter, or anything like that.”
“To be honest, I didn’t look at or read any of it. We threw it all in boxes and got out of there as fast as we could because we knew Perkins was going to be there with a warrant soon,” Scarlett said. “He tipped us off to the address, but we knew he couldn’t stall forever.”
“Did you keep the boxes?”
Scarlett looked over at Andrea because it looked like she didn’t know the answer. “We did for a while,” Andrea said. “I wanted to go through them to find the same answer that you’re looking for.”
“And?”
“There were two journals. The first one was all about a woman named Tammy. The second was all about you.” Andrea furrowed her brow and smoothed a hand over Addy’s curls. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“Yes.” She needed to.
“He stalked Tammy much the same way he did you, but she wasn’t as fortunate to escape. If his journal is to be believed, he held her for six years in his basement when he lived in Fairfield.”
She got up and got a bottle of water, drinking down half of it before she could take a breath and turn around. “What happened to her?”
“She killed herself.”
Dear God. She came back over and sat down, not sure what to say. Kenneth wasn’t that old. If he had held her for six years without getting caught, then he must have started young with other crimes. How did he never get caught? Surely DeLaney wouldn’t have hired him if he had a record like that.
“The answer to your question of why, is that he was sick. His version of loving someone involved holding them hostage and forcing them to be with him. If I was guessing, his mom or another woman in his life wronged him as a child and that was his way of dealing with it.”
She didn’t know if that made her feel better or not, but it at least made sense. After all the psycho shows she’d watched over the years, she had a pretty good understanding of how fucked up some people could be.
“But you were smarter than he was,” Andrea said with a sad smile. “You found the only way out of that room by busting through the one wall made of plaster and you got away. That took a lot of courage and strength, Melanie. Don’t minimize that.”
“Yeah.”
The keypad behind her beeped, then the door opened. She turned to see Valerie and Avrie. “Oops, are we interrupting?”
“No,” Melanie said and stood up.
“Aunt Mellie!” Avrie said, pulling away from her mom to rush and throw herself at her legs.
She laughed and put down her water so she could lift Avrie up and hug her. “You’re getting big, doodlebug,” she said and kissed her face.
“Mama call me doodlebug, not Aunt Mellie.” But Avrie giggled and snuggled into her neck that way that kids always seemed to do. Hugging her made Melanie feel better though.
“Alright, alright fine I guess I’ll just have to call you…tickle bug,” she said, tickling her side to hear her giggle again.
“Silly!” Avrie squealed.
When she was done, she sat Avrie down so she could run over to her Mommy at the desk. Val helped her up into the chair and pushed her up to the desk. Scarlett stood up and drank down the rest of her drink. It was time for them to go.
Melanie looked over at Andrea, who was finally sitting up, still holding Addy to her chest. “Thank you,” she said.
Andrea nodded and held her gaze. “I used every resource I had to find you sooner, and when I did…”
“I know,” she said with a smile. “I’m glad you did.” Andrea had killed Kenneth for her. She had also gone the extra mile to find out his motivation. There was nothing else they could have done or said. It was up to her to move on.
Instead of going to her office, she went up to Levi’s. He was out in the bullpen area talking to some of his guys. When he spotted her, he said, “Give me a minute.” Then he came to greet her, pulling her down the hall to his office. With the door closed behind them, she leaned into him, just resting her head on his chest while he hugged her.
“Will you take me home? Can you leave right now?”
“Of course I can. Anything for you.” He kissed the top of her head. “Let me just tell Flip what I want them to do. Give me two minutes.”
“Ok.”
On the drive home, she had told Levi about what her therapist said and then what Andrea told her. He hadn’t really commented other than to prompt her when she paused or to tell her he was proud of her. It was fine because she didn’t really want him to say anything. All she wanted was a big bowl of mac and cheese while they laid on the couch and watched a movie. The point of asking him to bring her home was because she wanted the comfort of his presence.
At the house, she stopped in the kitchen to put some water on to boil then went to the bedroom to change. When she came back, Levi was still in the kitchen. While she gathered up the noodles and other ingredients, he made them drinks. There was something on his mind though, she could tell.
“How come you never got mad at me?” He finally asked, coming to lean against the counter next to her.
“What do you mean?”
“After we found you and during your recovery. You never got mad at me either. Like your therapist said, you were upset and sometimes you got frustrated because you couldn’t do some stuff on your own while you were healing, but you never got mad at me. Why not?”
She stirred the noodles and looked at him in question. “I don’t understand.”
“It was because of me that you got kidnapped to begin with. I never understood why you weren’t angry with me when I was angry with myself.”
“Levi, it wasn’t your fault. I was the one who went back to my apartment.”
“And I knew that, but I never called to make sure the security team had come with you. I didn’t check on you. All I did was go back to my place and sleep. If I would’ve done my job instead of acting like a jerk who wasn’t getting his way, then it might not have happened. You should’ve blamed me, but you didn’t.”
He had a point, that’s just not how she saw it. “It wasn’t your fault. It was Kenneth’s. There was no reason to blame you. We hardly knew each other.”
“Still, I had a job to do and I let my feelings stop me from doing it.”
She put the spoon down so she could turn and look at him better. “Would it have changed anything if I was mad at you?”
“Maybe.”
“All it would’ve probably done was push you further away. Instead, you stayed with me and helped me. Without that, I don’t know what I would’ve done.” She stepped into him and leaned against his body. “If I would’ve gotten mad at you, we wouldn’t have spent all that time together, learning each other. We wouldn’t be married and standing in our house together. Would that be better?”
He put his arms around her. “Absolutely not.”
“Then be glad that I was only upset with myself.” The feeling of safety she got when in his arms had never stopped. Before everything happened, afterwards, and especially now, she loved when he held her close. “Go change while I finish this. Then we can veg out on the couch.” She looked up at him to make sure he was ok.
He pressed their lips together and squeezed her tight. “Do I need to be worried about you?”
“No, I just need some time to think about it all.” Really she just felt overwhelmed. Hearing about Kenneth’s past and what the future had held for her was one step further than she’d been ready for. Even though she’d asked for it, she realized now that maybe she hadn’t been ready to hear it.
“Ok, be back in a minute.”
She chopped up the cheese and drained the noodles while he was gone. It was turning into a pot of gooey deliciousness when he reappeared and sat down on the couch. Not that she ever wanted it to happen again, but she was glad that everything had played out the way it did. Out of a terrible situation, she had gotten a husband, a house, and a life she enjoyed. Tonight, that was just going to have to be enough.