Chapter 33
Ashley
With trembling hands, I hold the steering wheel and keep pressing the gas pedal. I can’t stop my fear from growing with every passing minute. Every now and then I glance at Ryker, and each time he seems paler and paler.
Hurry up!
“Which hospital should I go to?” My voice betrays my instability, and I curse myself in my mind.
“None. We’re going to my place. I have a first aid kit with a sewing kit.”
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye and see amusement dancing in his eyes. “Are you kidding me? A sewing kit? This needs to be seen by a professional. They should stitch it up properly, X-ray it, check for shrapnel—”
“Shhh... baby. Everything will be fine,” he reassures me. I take a deep breath, but it doesn’t help. “It’s just a small bullet. I’ve been in much worse shit.”
Frustrated, I gasp. His words don’t calm me down at all. “It’s all my fault!”
“Hey, look at me.” His good hand touches my forearm.
I glance at him and look back at the road.
At this speed, all I need is to park us on a streetlight.
“It’s not your fault. If it weren’t for Aisling, I would never have stood in the way of that bullet.
Believe me. I would have applauded and asked for more.
I love it when you turn into a bloodthirsty devil. But we needed answers.”
If my hand had slipped... I would have lost everything.
My eyebrows rise. “Do you think the sexual innuendo in your words will magically make the guilt and tension disappear?”
“Does it work?” I can hear a smile in his words.
My head shakes, but the corners of my mouth rise slightly. “Let’s go to my place. I have a sewing kit like that too.”
“You do? Have you ever had to use it?”
“No, but you never know when it might come in handy for a woman in need.”
A short time later, Ryker is sitting on the toilet while I try to stitch up his wound so that no nasty scars remain. At our feet lie bloody gauze pads and my sweatshirt. I think he has lost too much blood.
I’m worried...
Ryker breaks the silence. “Isn’t it ironic? We love to hurt others, we’re not afraid to play in a pool of blood, and yet you panicked when you saw me injured.”
It takes me a second to realize what he’s getting at. “It’s different.”
“How so?”
I sigh. “I don’t like seeing you hurt. I don’t like seeing you bleed. When the gun went off...” I swallow, searching for the right words. “I thought I was dying. I don’t know what I would’ve done...”
Ryker grows serious. “You sound like you care about me.”
“You know very well that I do.” My voice trembles. “I love you.”
Ryker holds his breath, his chest stopping in mid-motion. Gently, he places his hand on mine, the one holding the needle.
He wants my attention. “Look at me, my Little Killer.”
Lifting my gaze, I see something strange in his eyes. “I love you, Ryker. So damn much. What happened—you don’t even know how sorry I am. I screwed up. I let my thirst for revenge blind me to the whole world.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you ever mention that your target was James?”
Guilt floods me once again. “What would you have done, Ryker? We couldn’t kill him before we got information about your sister out of him.
You would’ve had to stop me, and I understand that.
But I couldn’t do it, because Zoe was in danger.
What choice did I have, Ryker?” Tears sting my eyes, and my breath catches in my throat.
“It was an impossible decision. I didn’t trust you at first. Then.
.. I didn’t know how to back out without losing you and selling myself out. ”
Ryker’s gentle eyes never leave my face. “I don’t need you to be a saint. I need you to be honest with me, even if the truth is dirty. Promise me you’ll never again—”
“Never again,” I cut him off as the first tear rolls down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away with the back of my hand.
“I could have asked too. I could have wanted to know the whole story, not just the part that suited me. We’re not going back there.
You chose me. And I chose you. The rest..
. doesn’t matter.” He pauses for a moment.
“But I don’t regret killing him. I regret having let him rule my life for so long.
We’ll find her on our own. Aisling. I’ll never stop looking for her. ”
“I know. And I’ll help you. I promise.”
“Tell me you love me again,” he asks with a smile.
“I love you, Ryker.” I smile too and lean down to his lips, giving him a quick kiss, and go back to sewing. “What will happen to the Pact now?”
“What do you mean? The Pact existed, exists, and will continue to exist even after James’s death.”
“But who will lead it? You?”
A grimace of dissatisfaction appears on his face. “I’m not cut out for that. I don’t want it.”
It’s not that easy. “Ryker, if you don’t step into the position of president—”
“Then my father’s most powerful general will do it.”
“The vice president,” I guess, and he nods in confirmation. “Either way, Matthews will win. You can’t let that happen.”
Another frown. The warmth of his hand moves from my hip to my ass. “Ash, I don’t want a life like my father or my mother had. I don’t want that kind of life for us.”
“But does it have to be that way?”
“I’m afraid that with the Pact behind us, we won’t be able to live in peace in a small house with a white picket fence, mowing the lawn every Saturday. And our children—”
“Wow, don’t get ahead of yourself, stud.”
Ryker bursts out laughing. “One day you’ll be—”
“Let a woman concentrate on her work,” I interrupt him again, knowing full well what he’s about to say. “And back to the vice president: if you don’t step up now, he’ll win. That means drugs will flow through America in such a wide stream that the will seem like a trickle in comparison.”
For a moment, Ryker is silent, digesting my words. Finally, he says, “I’ll think about it. Perhaps I could temporarily take over as president of the Pact. But only temporarily, until someone suitable is found for the position.”
“That’s some kind of solution.” I look him in the eyes, my thoughts racing. “If you take that position, they won’t just be hunting you. They’ll be hunting me. Zoe. Us.”
“Let them try. I love you, Ash, more than you can imagine.”
“And I love you, Ryker. I don’t know what will happen next. But we’ll go in the same direction.
Until morning, I watch over the sleeping man in my bed. I can’t close my eyes, afraid he might have internal bleeding.
Before dawn, I get out of bed and drag myself to the kitchen to make coffee.
Zoe emerges from her room shortly after. She sits on a chair by the kitchen island and watches me.
“I heard from Eli what happened,” she finally says.
“Since when do you talk to Eli?”
Instead of answering, she changes the subject. “Is Ryker okay?”
“He’ll be fine.”
“I can’t believe you shot him.” She breaks out in suppressed laughter.
I feign horror, pursing my lips and widening my eyes. “I didn’t mean to. Stop saying that.” Silence falls again, and I clear my throat. “Zoe, I want to talk to you about the past few days. I didn’t mean to keep it a secret. I’m sorry for everything. You were right, I’m a shitty sister.”
“You’re not, Ash. You never have been. You’ve spent your whole life trying to protect me and give me everything I need.
I appreciate what you’ve done for me over the years.
I’m sorry too. It’s just—for a moment, I felt like we weren’t sisters, and it scared me.
Eli made me understand we don’t need to have the same father.
Fuck. We don’t even need to have the same mother to be sisters for life. ”
“I’ll never hide anything from you again,” I swear with tears in my eyes.
“Can we hug now?” She opens her arms and I fall into them. “I love you, Ash.”
I don’t deserve to be spoken to so lightly; not after what I did that night.
“And I love you, sis. Best friends. Best sisters. Best forever.”
“Best forever,” she echoes me.