11 #3
My thumb moved against the inside of her wrist.
“If I worked, I got better. If I sucked, I knew why, and if I lost, there was a score telling me I lost.” I laughed quietly. “That probably sounds fucked up.”
“It sounds simple.”
“Exactly.”
She understood, and that was the problem with Charm. She understood things I had spent years hoping nobody would look closely enough to see.
“Hockey was the first thing I put before everything, and nothing ever beat it. Women, parties, friends, and even school came after the ice, and I knew school was my way to hockey and out of that life. Sleep was less important than the ice because I could lose anybody and know the rink would still be there in the morning.”
Her eyes went glossy again as I drew in a breath.
“Then you happened.”
Charm went still, and I almost stopped. I could’ve pulled the words back, made a filthy joke, kissed her until neither of us could think, and kept the most dangerous part of me where it had always belonged.
Her showing up on my steps had taken that choice away from me.
If she wanted all of me, she needed to know what she could do to me.
“For six fucking days, I couldn’t think straight. I played good hockey. I practiced, watched film, and did every damn thing I was supposed to do.” I touched my chest. “You were here the entire time.”
A tear slipped over her cheek.
“I kept checking my phone and wondering if you were pulling away for good.”
“I wasn’t.”
“I know that now.”
“Ryan—”
“I was fucking terrified.”
She fell silent, and I needed that. I needed her to hear me without trying to fix what she couldn’t fix.
“I wasn’t scared you were going to fuck somebody else.
I wasn’t scared you were going to stop wanting me.
” I stood, and Charm stepped back enough to give me room, but I kept my hands around her waist. “I was scared I had finally found the one person who could make me put something before hockey, and the woman I picked might only want me when nobody important was looking.”
Her face broke, but I kept going because she had asked for the truth.
“That’s what you didn’t understand in Chicago.” My voice roughened. “When you pulled away from me, I wasn’t some guy getting his feelings hurt because a girl didn’t want people thinking we were fucking. I was eleven again, wondering why being wanted always seemed to have conditions attached to it.”
Charm’s hands came up against my face. “I didn’t know.”
“I know.”
“I swear to you, I didn’t know.”
“I know that too.” Her tears came faster, but I shook my head. “That’s why I’m telling you now, so you understand what you’re choosing.”
“Ryan.”
“You asked for me.”
“I did.”
“You’re getting all of it.”
“I want all of it.”
My throat tightened. “You say that now.”
Her expression changed as she caught my face more firmly. “Don’t do that to me.”
I stared at her.
“Don’t decide I’m going to leave before I get the chance to stay.”
Fuck. She had found the ugliest defense I had and put her hand directly around it.
Charm stepped closer. “There is nothing you could tell me that could turn me away from you.”
I searched her face and knew she meant it. Her certainty scared me worse than doubt would have.
“I have ugly in me, mi hada.”
“So do I.”
“You don’t know all of mine.”
“Then show me.” Her voice shook, but her hands remained steady against my face. “Show me and let me decide.”
I swallowed while Charm rested her forehead against mine.
“You told me in Chicago that you needed me to choose you when people were looking.”
“I did.”
“I’m here.” Her hand moved between us and pressed over my heart. “I sat on your steps because I wanted the first thing you saw when you came home to be me choosing you. I learned those words because I wanted you to hear me choose you in the language that feels like home.”
Whatever I had left holding me upright cracked clean through, and I kissed her.
Charm gasped against my mouth as I pulled her into me, one hand burying in her hair while the other locked around her waist. The kiss wasn’t gentle.
Six days of fear, missing her, wanting her, and trying to convince myself she couldn’t possibly matter more than the life I had already built came out through my mouth.
Charm kissed me back just as hard, her fingers sliding into my hair as I walked her backward until her hips met the island.
My mouth moved from hers to her jaw before returning to her lips because I couldn’t decide where I wanted her more.
I wanted my mouth and hands everywhere she would let me put them.
Her breath broke when my hands tightened around her waist. “Ryan.”
I eased back just enough to see her face. Her lips were swollen, her eyes bright and hazy, and every breath lifted her chest faster than the last while my hands remained locked around her waist. The sight of her like that nearly wrecked what little control I had left.
“I meant what I said outside.”
Her lips parted. “About what?”
My thumb moved over her lower lip. “I have a million and one thoughts about how I want to touch you.”
Heat flashed across her face. “And now?”
I lowered my mouth toward hers. “Now you know why I’m going to ask before I act on every fucking one of them.”
Charm’s hands slid beneath the hem of my shirt, her fingertips touching bare skin. “You can start asking.”
My thumb moved over her waist before I remembered the note. “Did you ever translate what I put in your phone?”
Charm blinked up at me. “What?”
“In Chicago.” I watched recognition hit her. “The note, mi hada.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh my gosh. I forgot.”
A laugh pulled out of me before I could stop it. “You forgot?”
“There was a lot happening.”
“You’ve had three days.”
“I know.”
I shook my head, still laughing under my breath. “Three days with that sitting in your phone, and you had no fucking idea.”
Her cheeks were already turning pink. “You’re enjoying this.”
“Very much.”
She narrowed her eyes at me, and I nodded toward her phone.
“Translate it.”
“Ryan.”
“Translate it, mi hada.”
She reached for the phone on the island and opened the note while I stayed behind her with one arm locked around her waist.
Volveré en tres días y pienso follarte hasta que no puedas caminar.
I watched her copy the words into the translator, then watched her face. The second the English appeared, color rushed into her cheeks. She stared at the screen long enough to make me grin.
“I had that in my phone for three days?”
“You did.”
Her eyes lifted slowly to mine. “You wrote that before you left?”
I pulled her closer until her back pressed against my chest. “If I hadn’t had to get to that bus, I would’ve fucked you right there in that hotel room.”
Her breath caught as I took the phone from her hand and looked down at the translation again.
I’ll be back in three days, and I plan to fuck you until you can’t walk.
A quiet laugh left me. “That translation is outdated now.”
Charm turned in my arms. “What?”
I set her phone on the island and tightened my hold around her waist. “I’m home now, mi bebé.”
Her fingers curled into my shirt as I lowered my mouth close to hers and gave her the updated version in Spanish first.
“Ya estoy en casa, mi bebé, y voy a cogerte tan duro que vas a sentirme toda la semana.”
Her eyes widened, and I smiled against her mouth.
“You want me to translate that one too?”
She swallowed. “I think I understood the important part.”
“Good.” I pulled her flush against me and let my mouth hover beside her ear. “Because I’m home now, baby, and I’m about to fuck you so hard you’ll feel me for a week.”