29 #6
“I did fuck you, mami.” My voice cracked around the cold name. “It made this inevitable.”
She made a broken sound and covered her mouth.
“The only way this stops killing us both is goodbye.”
“I can’t.”
“You have to.”
“I hate you.”
“I know.”
“I hate you so fucking much.”
“I know.”
Her chest heaved as she stared at me, waiting for me to take it back. She waited for the love still written across my face to save us from what I’d already decided.
I stepped away, and that was the moment she understood.
Charm turned so quickly that she nearly slipped on the tile. She grabbed whatever clothes she could reach and clutched them against her chest as she ran for the door. Her coat dragged from one hand, her boots tangled inside it, and she didn’t stop to put on anything over my jersey.
She yanked the door open.
Bliss and Aura stood on the other side with Easton, Cade, Rider, and Briggs crowding the porch behind them.
Everyone saw her bare feet, tear-streaked face, and the clothes crushed against her chest. My name and number covered her body, the jersey hanging low enough to hide everything except the truth.
The silence lasted less than a second before Bliss said her name. Charm shoved past her with a sob and ran into the snow.
Aura turned on me. “What the fuck did you—”
“Out.” Easton grabbed her around the waist before she could come through the door.
“Get off me! Ryan, what the fuck did you do?”
“Not now, babe. Respect me and us enough to know she needs you more right now.” Easton pushed her toward the porch as Bliss started after Charm. “Go with her.”
Bliss ran toward the second cabin. Aura fought Easton for another second before following, shouting Charm’s name into the dark.
Cade looked from me to the destruction scattered through the kitchen. “Ryan—”
I slammed both fists onto the counter. Pain shot through my hands, but it wasn’t enough. I hit it again, roaring as everything I’d held together for Charm finally ripped loose.
My arm swept across the counter, sending bottles crashing into the cabinets. Glass exploded against the floor. I yanked open the nearest cupboard and tore the door so hard that one hinge ripped from the frame.
“Fuck this!”
I drove my fist through the thin center panel.
Briggs charged toward me as I kicked the garbage can hard enough to send it across the kitchen.
Sauce, broken glass, and food spilled over the floor.
I ripped streamers from the beams, dragged decorations from the walls, and threw everything I could reach.
“Fuck this! Fuck this! Fuck this!”
The words became a roar I couldn’t shut off. I grabbed another bottle and hurled it into the sink. Mezcal and glass sprayed across the counter. Cade moved toward me, but Briggs threw out one arm to stop him.
“Let him.”
I punched the wall. Pain exploded through my knuckles, and I hit it again.
Briggs changed his mind.
He came from behind and locked both arms around my chest, trapping mine against my sides before I could swing again.
“Get the fuck off me!”
“No.”
I threw my weight backward and drove him into the island. He grunted but held on.
“Get off me, hijo de la chingada!”
“Not until you’re done breaking your hands.”
“I said get the fuck off me!”
I fought him with everything I had left.
He kept his arms locked across my chest while I kicked at the cabinets and roared curses into the room.
Cade took the broken bottles away. Rider shut the door, and Easton stood in front of it with his hands hanging uselessly at his sides while he watched me destroy what remained of the best night of my life.
Briggs tightened his hold when my legs began to give.
“I’ve got you,” he said against my ear.
“Fuck you.”
“I know.”
“I hate every fucking one of you.”
“I know.”
“Let me go!”
“I’ve got you.”
The rage burned through itself until my body emptied all at once, leaving me hanging inside Briggs’s arms while the lodge blurred through my tears. I couldn’t breathe or drag enough air past whatever was breaking open inside my chest.
Briggs lowered me until my knees touched the floor, but he kept holding me.
We stayed there long enough for my breathing to turn into something uglier and for every person in the room to hear the sound I’d kept inside to make sure Charm never did.
When Briggs finally released me, I crawled toward the island because standing was impossible.
An unopened bottle of mezcal had survived beneath the overhang.
I grabbed it, twisted off the cap, and collapsed with my back against the cabinets.
The cuts beneath my shirt stung where they met the wood, and blood dripped from my knuckles onto Milwaukee’s contract folder lying a few feet away.
My eyes found the door, and I saw Charm running through it again. Bare feet struck the snow beneath her. My jersey covered her body while everything she couldn’t say goodbye to remained clutched in her hands.
I looked at my boys before returning my attention to the door.
“You interrupted goodbye.”
No one answered.
I lifted the bottle of mezcal to my mouth and drank.