Chapter 10
TEN
JULIAN
Ishouldn’t stay. If I did, I’d be in trouble.
Sleeping with a hookup repeatedly might lead to feelings, and that was scary as fuck.
No, not just a hookup. Alex Volkov, team captain of my father’s hockey franchise.
A man whose ex-girlfriend clearly wanted him back, even if he couldn’t see it.
A man who remained in the closet. So many red flags, Julian, so many. An ache ghosted across my heart.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” He lifted his head and brushed his knuckles across my cheek.
I turned my head, gazing toward the window. “Yeah, I’m fine. I should, uh, probably go back to my room tonight.” With a hard swallow, I braced myself and met his gaze. I had to be strong.
“Really? Why?” He pressed a soft kiss on my lips. “After the game in LA, we’ll go home and…” He inhaled deeply. “It’s up to you.”
And what? We couldn’t see each other because Margot was making him a nice dinner?
Because we’d have to pretend none of this happened until the next road trip?
I was the idiot who’d devised this scheme.
I forced a grin. “My father is still in town, and he might stop by my room again.” Lie. Dad left for Arizona tonight.
“Well, okay.” He placed quick kisses on my lips and cheeks. “I don’t want you to go. Not yet.” Nuzzling my neck, he hugged me.
My heart stung. Jesus fuck, he was killing me.
Hooking my arms around him, I returned the fierce hug, the pain in my chest lessening.
Being close to him was like nothing else.
Should I stay? No, it would cement these stupid feelings I had.
As his cum dribbled from my ass, I said, “Hey, I’m leaking.
I need to clean up.” I’d gotten what I came here for.
“Oh, sure.” He rolled off me, exited the bed, then offered me his hand. “Shower?”
“Yes, sure.” Grabbing his hand, I stood and hurried into his bathroom.
After a quick shower, I dried off, my ass aching slightly. I’d feel this tomorrow and remember what had happened tonight, the feelings be damned.
He scrubbed the towel through his hair, and his gaze found mine in the mirror’s reflection.
“Are you sure you can’t stay the night? You could mess up your bed, come back and if your dad visits your room, just tell him you were out.
” He held the towel in front of his cock, his muscled chest taunting me.
His body was a thing of beauty, and he desperately wanted me to stay. Could I throw caution to the wind and do it? Fuck, I wanted to. But no. “I’m sorry, Alex, but I shouldn’t. Not tonight.” I tossed the towel on the floor and padded into the main room, where I dressed.
Wrapping his arms around me from behind as I slid my joggers up my legs, he said, “I sleep better when you’re beside me.”
I straightened in his hold. “And I suppose you’re about to tell me I need to sleep with you so you play better tomorrow?” I smirked. There was a pattern here.
“Well, yeah.” He nuzzled the side of my head, kissing the shell of my ear. “Please, Julian.”
Rolling my eyes, I inhaled deeply. “Alex…” Fuck, this was hard. I turned to face him and, cupping his cheeks, I said, “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” He combed his fingers through his wet bangs. “See you in the morning.” He walked me to his door and then planted a quick kiss on my cheek. “Bye, and sleep tight.”
“You, too. Bye.” With an intense ache spreading through my chest, I opened the door, surveyed the empty hallway, and then strode to my room. With a glance toward his door, I unlocked mine with my keycard. Fucking hell, maybe I should go back? No, I had to be strong.
Stepping inside my room and flicking on the lights, I clenched my hands into fists.
What had he done to me? How had I gotten myself into this ridiculous situation?
We were heading home tomorrow, and the next road trip wasn’t for three days, so I’d have some time to stifle these feelings.
Maybe a hookup at the gay bar would help?
I glanced at the wall dividing me from Alex. It felt wrong, but it shouldn’t. We were only fuck buddies who slept together when it was convenient. Nothing more.
The next morning, I arrived at breakfast at a reasonable time and strolled into the conference room where the players were already eating. We’d get on our chartered flight in a few hours. I spied Alex sitting beside Jarvis and Big Hopkins, his usual dining buddies.
As his gaze caught mine, Alex’s eyes lit, and a smile grew across his face. “Hey, Julian.” He patted the chair next to him.
Fuck, now I had to sit with him. But I couldn’t avoid him. Ticking my head at him, I grabbed a plate and piled eggs, bacon, and a bagel with cream cheese onto it. As I twisted, Alex was standing next to me.
“Hey, you’re sitting with us, right?” He chewed his lower lip.
“Yeah, sure.” Now I had no choice. I followed him to the table and took the chair beside him.
“So, I caught Grant in the lobby before he left for his flight home last night.” Big Hopkins drank coffee from a cup. “And he told me he’s making some changes to our plane. Upgrades.”
My heart faltered. As I picked up my fork, I halted it over my plate and stared at my food. Alex would know I lied last night.
“Yeah? He flew home last night, huh?” Alex pressed his lips together and swung his gaze to me. “I heard he was still here.”
“No, man, it’s preseason. I’m sure he only came out to check on his son and make sure he wasn’t screwing around.” Big Hopkins snickered. “Right, Julian?”
As I crawled my gaze to Alex’s, his jaw muscle bulged, and he poked at his eggs with his fork. Fuck, what do I tell him? “Oh, I, uh, thought he was staying too.”
Big Hopkins furrowed his brows. “No, he was only staying for the day. What the fuck?” Big Hopkins leaned across the table and pushed on my arm, resting next to my plate. “You were with him all day. How did you not know?”
I shrugged a shoulder and stuffed my fork into my eggs. “Guess I didn’t pay attention.” Pursing my lips, I forced myself to eat. Did Alex know I’d lied to him?
Keeping my mouth shut through the rest of breakfast, I listened to the guys’ banter about hockey and pontificate about tonight’s game—who would see the most ice time, what rookies were looking promising, and who they’d cut.
I didn’t care. I had to think of an excuse to give Alex about last night, and telling him I’d started having feelings for him would not happen.
I finished my meal, said my goodbyes, and then strode from the room. I had to pack the rest of my things before leaving on the bus to the airport.
After entering my room, I turned to shut the door.
“Not so fast.” Alex shoved the door open, slammed it shut behind him, and then backed me into the wall beside the bathroom. With his chest pressing against mine and slapping his hands on the wall beside my head, he snarled, “You lied to me.”
With my heart pounding into my temples, I stared at him, the burning in his eyes. “I-I didn’t know—”
“Fuck that. Hopkins is right. How do you spend all day with your father and be clueless about when he left?” He ground his molars.
“I don’t like being lied to. If you didn’t want to spend the night with me…
after what we did…then have the courage to say it.
” His gaze softened and his brow wrinkled. “What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing.” The ache in my chest returned with a vengeance.
What sort of asshole would let him think he did anything wrong?
Especially after his first time? “It’s not what you did wrong, Alex.
It’s what you do right, every time we’re together.
” Jesus fuck, now I was in it. The ache morphed into pain, and my stomach rolled.
My eyes stung. No, not now. I had to control my emotions.
“What I do right?” He stepped away from me, grabbed my shoulders and planted a hard kiss on my lips, full of brimming emotion.
As it broke, he threw his arms around me, hauling me against his chest. With his breath puffing across my ear, he said, “Tell me the truth. Why did you leave last night? I felt so close to you after what we did. I felt—”
“I like you, Alex. A lot. Too much.” Pain split my heart in two. As I blinked, a tear tumbled down my cheek. Why did it hurt so badly to tell him? Had Ian ruined me so much? I sniffled.
“Julian, I like you too. A lot. Maybe too much.” As we parted, a sad grin worked across his mouth, and he brushed the wetness from my cheek. “We’re in a lot of trouble, aren’t we?”
With a nod, I gazed deeply into his blue, almost grey eyes, and the pain inside me subsided. Could he heal what Ian had broken? But how could he when he remained closeted, was living with—
“I can’t stay away, Julian. It’s probably what we should do, but I just can’t.” He blew out a ragged breath and ambled further into the room. “How did we let this happen?” Dropping onto the foot of my bed, he pulled at his bangs.
Shit, he might be more upset than I am. “Hey, Alex.” I fell in beside him, gliding my arm across his wide shoulders.
“What about Ian? You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?” He threw a quick peek at me.
“I…” Was I, though? I hadn’t called or even thought about Ian this entire trip. Usually, I would have at least texted him. “No, of course not.” A fumbling chuckle left my throat.
He gave me a sideways look. “Come on, Julian. I saw what went on at the charity event. I was there for you, remember?” The edge of his lips twitched. “And he broke your heart so badly, you’re scared to death of falling in love again.”
Okay, I see how he wants to play this game. I dropped my arm to my side. “What about you? You have your ex-girlfriend living with you.” I gritted my teeth as my gut churned. We should be packing. We had a plane to catch and so much work to do when we arrived in LA.
“She’s moving out soon and we’re just friends.
I’ve told you that.” He huffed and twisted, throwing me backward onto the bed.
Pinning me down by my shoulders, he hovered over me and said, “I don’t want her.
I want…you.” He inhaled sharply. “Fuck!” He rose and paced the room, wringing his hands.
“I don’t know what to do. What the hell should we do? ” He halted and faced me.
He was losing his shit. “Alex, right now, we need to pack. You have a game to focus on.” If he started playing like shit, I’d be the one to blame.
I couldn’t let that happen. I hopped off the bed and strode to him, grabbing his cheeks and locking my gaze on his.
“Listen to me, Alex. Go to your room, pack your things, and then meet everyone in the lobby like you’re supposed to.
Forget about me, about this, and concentrate on the game and being the amazing captain you are. ”
With his forehead wrinkling, he nodded. “You’re difficult to forget.” A sly grin played on his lips.
My heart fluttered with warmth. God, the things he said to me. No wonder he’d broken through my defenses. “I’ll be watching you from the press box.”
As he placed his hand over mine, still resting on his cheek, he leaned in and pressed a kiss on my lips that tingled all the way to my toes. “We’ll talk later. We can figure something out.” He broke free and strode to my door. “Bye, Julian.” He departed, and the door shut with a soft click.
“Bye.” I scanned my room—the clothes tossed on the floor and an empty snack bag on the desk. I should take my advice and concentrate on my job for the rest of the day.
Following the game, where Alex scored twice and assisted another goal, we boarded our plane for home.
I’d sat with the other staff in the plane's front while Alex had been with his teammates, watching movies and playing video games.
After Jenkins vacated the chair next to mine to have a chat with one of the other staff members, I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall. Soft tapping on my arm startled me.
“Hey, Julian,” a woman’s voice said.
“Yeah?” I popped an eye open. It was Jessica, our head of public relations. “What?” I shifted toward her.
She slid into the open seat next to mine and said, “There’s a charity event in two days for Phoenix Children’s Hospital. It’s a silent auction. Can you come?” Her gaze dipped and then returned. “When your father was here, he mentioned I should invite you.”
I stared at her. I had nothing planned. “Sure, I can.” Glancing behind me, I scanned the area where Alex sat. “Are any of the players going?”
“Of course. We’ve been planning this for weeks. All the star players will be there.” She grinned. “Even Alex Volkov.” She touched my arm.
Why would she mention him to me? “Sure, sounds great.” I settled my head against the plane’s wall and then peeked at her. “Is that all?”
“Yes.” She raised the corner of her mouth. “You two are getting close, huh? I saw him leave your room this morning.”
My pulse kicked. Fucking hell. It was only a matter of time. “Yeah, we’re getting close. We had to discuss some last-minute logistics with the rookies.” Fuck, I didn’t know what to tell her.
“Oh.” Rolling her lips, she gave me a slow nod and slunk away from the seat.
I could get Alex’s cell number from the player database. We needed to keep in touch.