Chapter 14 #3
I focused on my plate of food. I knew he’d never listen if I flat out said no, not unless I told him about Alex.
But I couldn’t tell him. It would be a betrayal of Alex’s privacy.
“Yeah, I need some time.” A sharp pain stabbed my heart.
Now maybe he’d leave it alone. But I was still betraying Alex, wasn’t I?
I pushed a scallop along my plate with my fork.
I wasn’t hungry anymore, but I had to eat.
“Good. I’ll pay for dinner.” With a satisfied grin, he ate more salmon. “And afterwards, let’s stroll along the waterfront. What do you say?”
I nodded and forced a scallop into my mouth. “Yeah, sure.” I’d keep it in the friend zone. No holding hands, no kissing. I wouldn’t betray Alex further.
During the rest of our meal, we chatted about work and the latest politics, topics we’d always found easy to discuss.
Since I hadn’t rejected his proposal, he’d dropped it.
But I knew he’d bring it up again. After dinner, I strolled beside him along the waterfront, past modern sculptures in patches of grass and under tall palm trees.
As the chill in the air had grown, I’d slipped my cardigan on.
The sky turned dark, and colorful fountains lit the canal in the shape of lotus flowers.
Funny, I lived steps away from this oasis in the desert but rarely walked along it.
“You seem quiet.” Ian peeked at me. “Are you pondering what I said?” He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward a rounded overlook at the water’s edge. “Come here.”
I plodded along behind him. “What?” I didn’t want to play games with him.
He stopped at a metal railing painted clay-red. “Isn’t it nice tonight?” He faced me and held both my hands between us. “It was nice having dinner with you. Like old times.”
I peered into his eyes, glittering in the lights from the streetlamps.
How was this different from any other meal we’d had since our breakup?
Except this time, he’d asked to restart our romantic relationship.
“Yeah, it’s a nice evening. I’m glad the weather is cooling down.
” What was Alex doing right now? I attempted to pull my hands free, but he tightened his hold on them.
“Julian, we could experience this all the time. Nice dinners, quiet walks, easy conversation after a stressful day at work. When we were in college, we were always studying. It was a stressful time. Now we’ve transitioned into careers and it’s time to settle down.”
My gut churned and knotted. I couldn’t listen to this. The only person I wanted to do these things with was Alex. I clenched my jaw. But Alex wasn’t out, and who knew what our future held? Would he find the strength to face his family? Would my father allow me to date a player on the team?
“Talk to me, Julian. It looks like there’s a million things running through your head.” His gaze searched my face.
“I, I don’t know about this. I need time.” I had to put him off and go home.
With a long sigh, he released my hands. “Okay. I’ll back off.” Turning to the water, he placed his hands on the railing. “Remember the first time we kissed in high school?” He gave a choked laugh.
“Uh, yeah.” I’d been unsure about him then, but his kiss had opened an entire world to me.
One where love was possible. “It was my first time kissing a guy.” I stepped to his side, taking in the gentle gurgling of the water fountains and the lights sprinkling the pathways and the buildings in the distance.
“You were my second. But I’d watched you for a long time. I had such a crush on you.” He bumped his elbow on mine, smiling, and then his smile waned. “I never regretted following you to Harvard. It was a wonderful experience for me, and it gave us time to make it work.”
But then you abandoned me, leaving me wondering what in the hell I’d done wrong.
How could you love me one day and not the next?
I clenched my teeth. I wouldn’t bring it up.
We’d gone over it years ago. “It was enjoyable while it lasted.” Lifting my wrist to my face, I checked the time on my watch.
“Hey, it’s getting late. I should go home. ”
“Okay. I can walk you there.” He twisted around and stepped toward the pathway.
“No, why don’t you head back to your car?” I forced a smile. “You’ve given me some things to think about, and we’ll get together again soon.” If I let him walk me home, then he’d want to come in. If I let him come in…
“Yeah, sure.” With a quick grin, he snatched my hand, squeezed it, and then kissed my cheek. “It was a lovely evening. Let’s keep in touch and have dinner again on Friday?”
“I need to check my schedule. We hit the road again soon for our first regular-season games.” And I’d be sneaking into hotel rooms with Alex again. My chest tightened. Would I ever be able to walk in public holding hands with Alex?
“Okay. Then I’ll leave it up to you the next time we meet.” With a pat on my shoulder and a wink, he strolled away from me.
I had so much to think about. But one thing I knew for sure. It was Alex I wanted. Alex, I…loved. Not Ian. Yes, I loved Alex. I couldn’t deny it now.