Chapter 31
MIA
After hours of tossing and turning and trying to list out the reasons why I shouldn’t care if Leo DeLuca bleeds out on the futon downstairs, I found myself getting up for a glass of water…from the bar downstairs.
And then when I made it to the bar, my feet kept moving, taking me to Dante’s office.
Now as the sun peeks over the run-down buildings across the street, I’ve turned into the kind of person who watches someone as they sleep.
I’m not proud of how quickly the anxiety bundling inside my chest seemed to unravel once I could see his chest rising and falling with my own eyes.
I’m also not proud of how long I’ve stayed here. Eventually finding a chair and cementing myself in place.
I am supposed to be angry with him. Absolutely furious. And yet, here I am thinking about how perfect he looks in his sleep.
I hold my breath as he shifts, slowly rising to my feet.
I’m halfway out the door when a quiet exhale escapes his mouth and his brows pinch together.
Before he opens his eyes, he says, “Look who’s the one watching me sleep now.”
When Leo’s eyes open, everything inside me yearns to be tucked into his side. No matter how much I pretend, there’s this gaping hole inside me that seems less empty when he’s nearby.
I cross my arms and lean up against the doorframe. “Relax. I was just making sure you weren’t dead.”
Leo’s smile falters as he attempts to stretch his arms and hisses in pain. I jolt forward but stop when he quickly bounces back with a witty remark. “Maybe you should come here and check my pulse just to make sure.”
“The fact that your ego survived blunt force trauma is honestly more impressive than all of your wounds put together.”
Leo laughs. “You really know how to kick a man when he’s down. I admire that, Tesoro.”
I bite my bottom lip, not sure what to say.
“I just came down here to make sure you are okay, and now that I know you’re alive enough to be annoying, I’m going to go.”
“Fuck, you’re exhausting, Emilia,” he groans.
I tilt my head to the side and narrow my eyes. “Excuse me?”
“I know you’re mad—”
“That’s an understatement,” I spit, feeling the underlying anger burst to the surface all over again. “And what am I mad about, Leo?”
“I guess we’re doing this,” he says, his tongue tracing over the cut on his bottom lip. He attempts to push himself to a seated position with his good arm, but slips, almost crashing down on the shoulder he dislocated. Ignoring the imaginary boundary I put up, I catch him at the last second.
Our eyes connect and that unforgivable jolt of electricity pushes us together.
I try to snap myself out of it and pull away, but he stops me, grabbing my wrist.
“Scream at me, hit me, threaten me. Do whatever you need to. Just don’t run away. I’ll take your anger over your silence any day.”
My breath snags, getting lost in the sincerity in his eyes. I pull my hand away and sit on the edge of the bed. “You had no right.”
My voice starts to shake, and I can feel myself losing control. “Do you understand that? None. You don’t get to fuck up the only steady thing I’ve had in my life just because you’re scared,” I say.
Leo turns his head, shifting uncomfortably. “I know I crossed a line.”
“That’s putting it lightly,” I scoff.
“What do you want me to say?” he asks. “I saw a way to keep you out of danger, and I went for it without any hesitation. I’ll never be sorry for trying to keep you safe.”
“Bullshit. You did it because men like you always think they know what’s best. You call it protection, thinking I’ll be grateful, when in reality, I’m the one stuck dealing with the fallout.”
He drags a hand down his face, his lips flattening into one solemn line.
“I know. I took that decision away from you,” Leo says.
I shift my position, the entire bed creaking under my weight. “Your fear isn’t an excuse to have ownership over me,” I say.
“I know,” he says, dropping his gaze and seemingly admitting defeat. “I know what I did was wrong. I knew it when I did it and fuck, I did it anyway because the thought of losing you makes me feel absolutely insane.”
That familiar aching returns just looking at him. He looks as wrecked as I feel.
“You can’t manipulate me like that.”
“I’m not asking you to excuse it,” he says, inching forward even though I know every movement must be excruciating. “I’m asking you not to shut me out when we’ve made so much progress.”
I look away, attempting to keep my heart and my brain from clashing together.
For the first time since I met him, Leo apologized to me, and I thought I’d feel victorious—not depleted.
“I know you can take care of yourself, Mia. You’ve proven it to me more times than I can count,” he exhales, ramping up for his next confession.
“I was an idiot and let fear control my actions because ever since I met you, I don’t know how to function in a world without you. Even just a day was painful enough.”
Last night flashes through my mind. The memory of blood and bruises swirls around. My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest.
I’m not sure when Leo DeLuca joined the short list of people I couldn’t stomach losing, but he was there.
“I’m not asking you to stop being who you are,” he says, the look on his face threatening to swallow me whole. “I’m just asking you to let me be someone you can rely on.”
That hits harder than I want to admit. Landing somewhere that’s been starving for that exact offer.
“I’m not sure I know how to do that,” I admit, looking down at my hands. “I’m not sure how to do relationships at all. I’ve spent so long trying to forget how helpless loving someone can make you feel.” I swallow hard. “And how losing them always feels inevitable.”
I take another deep breath.
“So, I stopped letting people get close enough to matter.”
Leo is quiet.
He doesn’t attempt to fill the silence with a joke, smug grin, or easy flirtation. He just sits there quietly considering my confession.
But he doesn’t break eye contact once. Watching me closely like I’ve placed something incredibly fragile in his hands, and he knows that if he makes the wrong move, it’ll shatter.
“I know what it’s like to lose people, Mia. And I know loving someone means giving them the ability to destroy you. But getting a second shot at a family I thought I lost taught me that risking the pain doesn’t make love less worthwhile. It’s what makes every moment matter even more.”
“I want to believe you,” I admit, swallowing hard. “But it’s not that simple.”
“Then we’ll take things slow.”
A deflated laugh cracks my lips open. “That’s a loaded answer.”
“It’s not,” he says, defending his statement. “I’m not asking you to let me in overnight. I know it doesn’t work like that.”
His thumb slowly drags across my wrist.
“I know you’ll try to do everything on your own because that’s what you’re used to, and I’ll continue to overstep because I have no self-control when it comes to you.”
Despite the fact that I’m still very much pissed at him, the corner of my mouth begins to curl upwards.
“But I can learn,” Leo adds, “and I promise I will, if you let me.”
His words creep through the tiny cracks of a carefully constructed wall, and for the first time I can picture a future for us. A really fucked up and bumpy future full of lots of petty arguments that make me feel challenged and loved all in one. But a future, nonetheless.
“You’re making it difficult to hate you.”
Leo’s mouth twitches, a soft laugh making way for the relief on his face. “If you want to continue hating me, we can always include hate sex in our non-conventional relationship.”
I glare at him, finally feeling the exhaustion kick in.
“Last night,” I begin, my voice trembling. “I was still so angry at you, but seeing you hurt like that, I—I forgot about everything and I realized just how crazy I’d be if anything really did happen to you. If you—”
“Mia,” Leo interjects, cutting me off and closing his fingers around mine.
“A big part of me hates that you have this effect on me.”
His thumb slides up, tracing a lazy circle at the base of my hand. “Trust me, I’m struggling with it too.”
Another unexpected laugh escapes—more delusional than genuine. It’s probably closer to a sob than anything.
And then, without thinking what comes next or the plethora of issues we still need to work through, I go against every logical thought in my brain and lean forward.
Leo’s brows raise slightly in surprise, but he doesn’t stop me. Instead, he lifts his good hand and cups the side of my face before connecting our lips.
Up until this point, our kisses have been hard and desperate, but this one is slow and controlled. It feels like two powerful forces slowing down just long enough to collide with each other.
I moan into his mouth, carefully swinging my legs over his lap and straddling him. His hands connect with my hips, pulling my center closer to where he needs me the most.
He winces quietly as my weight shifts, a sharp intake of breath pausing our kiss.
I pull away, my hands reaching for his injured shoulder. “Leo, you’re hurt. Maybe we should—”
“Don’t you dare move,” he orders before pulling my face back to his and deepening the kiss. His good hand caresses my cheekbone as his thumb delicately brushes across my skin. The softness of his lips molds into a promise, an apology, and a truce all wrapped into one.
At some point, Leo pulls back, resting his forehead against mine like he’s done so many times before. But today, instead of lust in his eyes, I see so much more that makes my heart flutter against my ribcage.
“Come home with me,” he whispers, his hold tightening to let me know it’s more of a plea than a suggestion.
For a second, I imagine myself saying yes. Ignoring my responsibilities and free-falling into whatever Leo DeLuca wants to offer me. But I meant it when I said our happily ever after won’t happen overnight.
There’s still work to do, and no number of kisses is going to change that.
I pull back just and look at him. “I can’t, Leo.”
Disappointment flashes across his face, and I feel his body stiffen under mine. I expect him to argue. Threaten to kidnap me and hold me against my will. But he doesn’t.
“Okay,” he says, his body softening and pulling me against him.
“Really?” I ask.
The corner of his mouth quirks. “I said I’d learn. This is me learning.”
I huff out a laugh, tossing my head to the side. “This is going to take some getting used to.”
“What?”
“You listening to me.”
I shake my head and lean back in for a kiss. Leo stills, pulling back and looking at me. “I thought you said no?”
“I said no to going home with you, but I’ll stay for a little while. Besides, I can keep this in my back pocket for when Dante pisses me off again.”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Works for me.”