Chapter 7
seven
I can feel Jake’s intense focus on the side of my head. Almost like he’s willing me to look at him, but the tears are already flowing, and I need a minute to compose myself. It takes everything I have to raise my head and meet his gaze.
He stills and swallows hard. “What’s going on, Kitty Kat? You can tell me.”
Terror overtakes his face. He’s bracing himself for bad news.
After all, we’ve been here before. Literally in this same room as I held his hand and Judy shared the news about his dad passing away after a months-long battle with cancer.
A part of his soul died that day, changing him forever.
And now I fear the same will happen again.
“There was an accident… Your mom was driving in the car with mine,” I start softly, trying to control my breathing. “The police aren’t exactly sure what happened, but the car went off the road and hit a tree.”
“Oh my God.” His hand flies to his mouth as a mix of shock and anguish appears on his face. “Are they okay?”
“Yes and no. My mom has some internal injuries and broken bones. She had surgery last night and has a long recovery ahead.”
He nods repeatedly, still looking pale. “That’s a relief. Tell me about my mom. Were her injuries severe?”
“Jake…”
“You can tell me, Kitty Kat,” he says, reaching for my hand and squeezing.
I take a deep breath and rip off the bandage.
“Your mom’s injuries were a lot worse. They had to take her straight into surgery.
The doctors did everything they could,” I whisper, trying to hold back tears that are seconds away from breaking loose.
“They tried everything… She died during surgery. I’m so very sorry, Jake.
” The sob breaks free, consuming my entire body as I start shaking.
Jake frowns and rapidly blinks. “I don’t understand.”
I can see him trying to process this tragic news. He can’t seem to fathom that his mom is gone. That she’s actually dead. That this is happening to him. Again.
“I’m so sorry. I know it’s a lot to take in. It’s been a really hard twenty-four hours,” I say, gripping his hand and using my other one to wipe away my tears.
“But…she’s gone?” His hand drops from mine as he starts rubbing his chest, attempting to ease the emotional and physical pain. His previously calm breathing becomes rapid, and his chin trembles. “I’m never going to see her again?”
I nod and transition into a full-on ugly cry, a mixture of tears and snot cascading down my face.
Feeling an overwhelming need to comfort him, I pull Jake into a hug. I want to tell him it’s all going to be okay, even though I know it won’t.
As soon as his arms wrap around me, he breaks.
I feel the racing heart, the sobbing coming from his chest, and the wetness of his tears as they soak through my shirt.
The same way I held him while he fell apart after learning about his father’s death.
The only difference is that we had the support of my mom and his mom that night. Now, it’s only the two of us.
We hold each other for several minutes before he starts to pull away, wiping away tears as his posture stiffens. He’s retreating into himself. He’s never been good at showing emotion. The same thing happened when he lost his dad, but I won’t let him do it again.
“Don’t do this, Jake. Don’t go to that dark place. It’s not healthy,” I beg. Not that I’m one to talk, considering I’ve forced most of my feelings into a box for the last day. Actually, most of my life.
“I’m trying not to, but…it fucking hurts,” he says as his eyes shimmer with tears. He stands and paces around the living room like a caged tiger that wants to break free.
“Talk to me. Let me in,” I plead.
“I don’t know what to say,” he replies, hanging his head and rubbing his eyes.
“When I saw the missed calls from my mom’s number, I thought she was calling to update me on something dumb.
Another silly piece of town gossip. I never imagined it would be this.
Not even when I heard your voicemails and saw your texts. ”
“None of us saw it coming.”
“What do I do? How do I attempt to go on with my life?” he asks, staring at me with bloodshot eyes, as if I have the magical answer or know how to easily eliminate his pain and make it all better. What I wouldn’t give to be able to do that for him.
“We’ll figure it out. Together.” All my animosity toward Jake vanishes. The hurt and anger he caused in the past dissipates. At least, for now. All I care about is getting him through this. Helping him find a way to survive the next few days. Find a new normal.
“I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks.
” He sighs, tugging at his wavy strands before collapsing onto the couch.
He rests his head in his hands and takes a deep breath.
“This is the first time I’ve been home in years.
I’ve been so busy with work… I didn’t have the time.
” He lowers his head and takes a deep breath.
“Never made the time. Now it’s too late. ”
“You were her entire world,” I say, earnestly, staring at his profile and reaching for his hand again. “She knew you loved her. That’s what you have to hold onto.”
“I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, and the entire world is crashing down on me.” He lifts his head out of his hands, and his brow crumples. “I can’t go inside her house. Not without her there. Can I… Do you mind if I stay here?”
Jake wants to stay here.
With me.
In the same house.
I wouldn’t have thought twice if this were fifteen years ago, when he’d regularly spend the night in the guest room.
Now he’s practically a stranger. Not to mention, I’m engaged.
I have no idea how Brian would react to another man staying in the same house as me.
Not that anything would ever happen between Jake and me.
Only a horrible person with zero sympathy would tell him no.
I’ll have to ignore the awkwardness of having him around tonight and the next few days. It’s not like he’ll stay in town very long.
“Of course,” I say, squeezing his hand again. “This has been your second home. You’re always welcome here.”
The doorbell rings, and I frown briefly until I remember my pizza delivery. It’s well past the thirty-minute window, but at least we’ll have something to eat. Although I doubt either of us is hungry after this conversation.
“That’s my pizza if you want some. You can stay in the guest room. Tomorrow, we can visit my mom. She’ll be glad to see you,” I say, my eyes filling again with sorrow.
“Okay.” He nods, rubbing his chest again. His steel-blue eyes search my face, like he’s trying to read my mind.
“I’m glad you told me the news rather than someone I don’t know. It was going to hurt either way, but it’s better having you here, knowing you’ll be by my side like last time. I don’t think I can handle this without you.”
“I’m always here for you, Jake,” I whisper.