Chapter 33
thirty-three
I check my appearance in the full-length mirror and apply another layer of lip gloss.
Once again, I have no idea what we’re doing, except that it requires me to dress warmly.
Jake was insistent on crossing off more items on this mysterious “fun to-do list” he’s created for me, even though I made it clear I’d rather rot on my couch all weekend.
Yet here I am, in my favorite pair of jeans and an old flannel shirt I found in my closet that miraculously still fits, with my hair down in soft curls.
“Holy shit!” I jump, seeing Jake’s reflection in my mirror. “You scared me. I didn’t hear you come in.” I place my hand on my chest, trying to soothe my rapidly beating heart. “When did you get here?”
“Few minutes ago. You looked deep in thought. Didn’t want to bother you,” he replies, leaning against the doorframe. “Ready to go?”
“Give me a minute. I have something to give you,” I say, turning to look at him. “Wait for me in the living room?”
He nods and leaves. I quickly grab the gift bag hiding in my closet and head to the living room, nervous about what I’m about to give him—wondering if it’s too soon.
I don’t say a word when I give Jake the gift bag and sit next to him on the couch, unsure of how he’s going to react.
His face immediately falls when he takes the photo book from the bag and sees the picture of his mom on the front cover.
Fuck. It’s too soon. I should’ve waited longer before doing this.
Silently, he flips through every page, his eyes swimming with tears. All I can do is watch and analyze every microscopic change in his facial expression, looking for anything to quell my anxiety of royally fucking up his healing.
I don’t realize I’ve been holding my breath until he turns and looks at me, and a huge exhale escapes from my chest.
He swallows hard, snapping the book shut and wiping tears away. “Thank you,” he whispers, placing a kiss on my temple. “How did you manage to do all of this?”
“I may have been secretly taking photos every time I went to your mom’s house, scanning them, and putting them back before you noticed.
I know Judy loved to take photos, but I underestimated the number of them.
” A small smile graces my lips. “This is only a fraction of the photos. I’ll send you a link where you can access all of them whenever you want. ”
He pulls me against his shoulder and rests his head against mine. “There aren’t enough words to express how grateful I am for this gift and for you.”
“It wasn’t that big—”
“Don’t you dare minimize my compliment.” He leans away from me, cupping my chin in his hand and staring deep into my eyes.
“This is the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received.
Thank you.” He touches his forehead to mine again, resting there for an unknown length of time as our breathing and the beating of our hearts synchronize.
Clearing his throat, he pulls away, and I immediately miss the warmth of his body and his breath brushing against my face.
What the hell am I thinking? We’re friends. It’s probably the grief. Working on this photobook was hard for me, and I worried about giving it to him. My body is reacting to all those emotions finally coming out. It has to be that.
“We should probably get going,” Jake murmurs, standing and heading toward the door. “Ready for another adventure, Kate?”
His eyes flicker with something I can’t quite place. A feeling. An emotion. One I haven’t seen before from him. It disappears as fast as it came, leaving me with the impression that his question might have a deeper meaning.
When we turn down a familiar country road, my heart leaps. I know where we’re going. A place I haven’t been in ages. A place I couldn’t go without him, refusing to let another memory erase the time we spent there before heading off to college. Our lake.
There isn’t a soul in sight when he pulls into a field, heading straight toward the water.
The sun is starting to set, creating a beautiful kaleidoscope of pinks and purples.
That’s the thing about Midwest nights. You either get a gorgeous, picturesque sky or gray.
Nothing in between. Tonight is reminiscent of the last time we were here.
Almost like it was planned or predestined.
Jake parks the truck in front of the lake and turns to look at me. “It’s been a while, but I remember how much you loved it here. How it was one of the few places you could get away from everything. Thought you could use a night like that.”
“It’s perfect. Thank you. This means a lot,” I reply, breaking our eye contact and looking out at the calm water. A flood of emotions comes at me, overwhelming my senses and causing goosebumps to erupt on my arms. “Can I help you?”
“I’ve got it covered. I came out here earlier to organize everything. That’s why I was a few minutes late picking you up.” He gives me a big grin and opens his door.
The brisk air hits my face when I slide out of the truck. It hasn’t taken long for the temperature to drop—another reason layering is essential in the Midwest. I tug my jacket around my body and inhale the crisp, clean air with subtle floral, earthy notes.
A wave of familiarity hits me as Jake starts a small bonfire and arranges a treasure trove of items in his truck bed. It’s almost identical to the last time we were here. The only differences are the model of his rental truck, the wrinkles on our faces, and the beer he’s grabbing out of the cooler.
Jake climbs into the truck bed strewn with pillows, blankets, and our favorite snacks. “Give me your hand.” He reaches for mine and quickly helps me up. “Thought a cozy night under the stars could do us both some good.”
I nod, shifting to get comfortable against the side of the truck bed with a pillow behind my back and a soft blanket draped over me. Jake hands me a beer and lightly clinks our bottles before we both take a drink.
“Do you remember when my mom took us to that amusement park in middle school?” he asks wistfully.
“I was terrified to ride a rollercoaster, and you made me. Used the best friend oath. I’m still mad at you for that.” I lean across the truck bed and smack him on the leg.
“Oh my God. The best friend oath. How could I forget?” He chuckles. “I loved using it to make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. Gonna have to keep that in mind for the future,” he says with a wink.
“Um…no. We’re adults. The best friend oath doesn’t work anymore.”
“Totally does. Can’t go back on it. It’s unbreakable.”
I bristle. That’s what I once thought, too. “That’s hilarious when you’re the only one who has ever broken it.” My hand flies to my mouth as my face reddens. “I didn’t mean to say that. I’m sorry.”
His entire body tenses. If he holds the beer bottle any tighter, it’s going to shatter.
“Don’t apologize. You’re not wrong. I did break the promise I made the last time we were here.
It’s one of my biggest regrets.” He exhales, leans farther back against the side of the truck bed, and looks at the sky.
We sit in silence for a minute until his eyes meet mine, full of deep sincerity.
“There are so many things I wish I could change about my life, Kate. Hurting you and my mom are at the very top of that list.”
I shudder. “We don’t have to talk about this tonight.”
“We do. I hurt you. You deserve to confront me about it. Tell me how I made you feel. I need you to do that. I need you to stop pretending that how I treated you was okay. Stop acting like I didn’t fuck up our friendship.
” He takes another swig of his beer, looking at the lake and running his hand through his tousled hair.
“You bring it up, then back down. I’m not going to let you do that tonight.
You’re finally going to let me have it for all the heartache I caused you. I deserve it, and you know it.”