Chapter 29
As Nikki makes her exit, my eyes stay fixed on Jude. Are they okay? Are they going to be miserable for the rest of the party? What can I possibly do to assure them that her leaving isn’t Jude’s fault? But if Nikki’s departure is because of me, maybe I should keep my distance.
Luckily, I’m not the only one concerned about Jude.
Celeste leaps into action the quickest, gently linking arms with Jude. “Hey, check it out, the couch is free! Let’s sit.”
Jude’s gaze lingers on the front door for another moment before nodding and following Celeste’s lead. The two flop onto the sectional, and Jude’s eyes fall closed as they lean back into the cushions.
Without missing a beat, Celeste waves me over. “Have they had any water?”
“Yeah, let me go grab their cup from Grace’s room,” I reply, practically sprinting down the hall to retrieve it.
“Oliver?” Wren appears behind me in the doorway, watching me warily.
“I have to get this to Jude,” I explain, holding up Jude’s half-full cup of water.
“Okay, but are we going to talk about what just happened?”
“Later,” I reply flatly, scooting past them and rushing back to Jude.
“Really, guys,” I hear Jude say as I approach. “I’m fine! She wasn’t feeling good, so she had to leave, and it’s okay!”
“Okay, hon,” Max replies, handing them a plate with a variety of crackers and chips. “But I still want you to eat something.”
As I arrive with their cup, Jude smiles up at me. “Oliver!”
I blink, glancing between Celeste and Max. Celeste shrugs and accepts Jude’s cup from me. When I meet Jude’s gaze again, they’re watching me expectantly.
“Oliver?” I ask. “I hardly know her.”
Jude giggles, and it calms my nerves. They pat the empty spot on the couch on the other side of them. “Couch time! Come sit.”
I happily comply, collapsing into the cushions beside Jude. They grab my arm and link it with theirs, leaning into me affectionately, which kicks my heart into overdrive.
“Missed you,” they whisper.
My chest feels like it might explode. “Missed me? I haven’t gone anywhere.”
Jude lets out a little groan. “I mean, from before. I missed you before we met.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t know it was you that I was missing before we met, but I knew I was missing someone. Now I know it was you. I’ve missed you.”
As understanding dawns on me, my breath catches in my throat. If I had been standing, my knees would have gone weak.
God, I love them. I love them, I love them, I love them.
“I missed you, too, Jude.”
“That’s hella cute and all, but you should drink some more water, Jude,” Celeste interjects.
With a huff, Jude obeys.
“You should have heard them earlier,” Max mutters to Celeste from the ottoman in front of us. “Jude said that if they had known Oliver in high school, they would have had a huge crush on him.”
“Jesus Christ,” Celeste grumbles. “How did we let them get this blasted?”
“We shouldn’t have let Nikki be in charge of their drinks.”
“Guys, I’m right here,” Jude exclaims.
“To be fair, Oliver would have made a hell of a better boyfriend than Tyler,” Max says.
Against me, Jude’s entire body goes stiff.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Max,” Celeste hisses. “Why the hell would you bring him up?”
“Who is Tyler?” I blurt, not even meaning to.
Jude shudders.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned him,” Max answers. “He was Jude’s boyfriend for most of senior year. He was a real piece of shit. Just a complete asshat of a man.”
“An absolute dick,” Celeste adds.
“Yikes,” I say softly, gently stroking Jude’s arm to comfort them. “What happened?”
Celeste glances at Jude, then shakes her head. “We should change the subject.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Max agrees. “I’m sure Jude doesn’t want to talk about–”
“He abandoned me in a hotel room on prom night because I refused to have sex with him,” Jude says.
Time seems to stand still for several seconds as I process this information, but it isn’t long before I recognize the white-hot rage coursing through my veins. I clench my jaw tightly, determined to keep my composure.
“And that was just the final straw,” Max continues. “He also refused to accept Jude’s gender identity and kept deadnaming them even after repeated corrections.”
“Jude deals with that bullshit far too often as it is,” Celeste adds. “Their parents deadname them all the time, too.”
My fist balls tightly against my thigh, nails digging into my palm.
No wonder Jude doesn’t get along with their family—none of them accept Jude for who they are.
It’s infuriating. My gaze lands on Theo on the other side of the sectional—wrapped blissfully in Caleb’s arms, laughing as he talks with Grace, Chloe, Harrison, and Vimlesh.
I remember how afraid we were for him when his shitty ex-girlfriend outed him to his conservative parents.
I remember the righteous anger I felt toward Theo’s ex and his parents, and how it manifested as an urge to protect Theo at all costs.
That reaction was merely a practice run, it seems, because my need to protect Jude now is even stronger.
“Oliver?”
I turn back to Jude, who is watching me with a puzzled expression. “Hm?” I ask softly.
“You’re kind of crushing my arm a little bit.”
I let go at once. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
Jude chuckles. “It’s okay.” They lightly squeeze my arm. “You don’t have to let go completely.”
With a weak smile, I give their arm a gentle squeeze in return. “I’m sorry about your ex. And your parents. That sucks.”
Jude shrugs. “It’s fine. It is what it is.”
I shake my head. “It shouldn’t be. You deserve better.”
“That’s what we’ve been telling them for years,” Max interjects. “Maybe they’ll actually listen to you.”
“Five more years,” Jude mumbles, leaning their head against my shoulder. “Then I’m free.”
I shoot Celeste and Max an inquisitive look.
“Five more years of school,” Celeste explains with a sigh. “Jude’s parents are giving them a free ride through school as long as Jude keeps them happy.”
“That’s so fucked up,” I growl.
“Yep.”
“It’s really fine,” Jude says. “I barely have to deal with them at all. It’s mainly just the holidays that suck.”
I imagine Jude in that setting—surrounded by homophobic shitheads and close-minded assholes—and I’m enraged again. “Well, maybe next time you have to go to a holiday function, I could tag along and make it suck a little less.”
Jude giggles but seems to actually consider it. “That might be really nice. We could pretend you’re my boyfriend. That would make them leave me alone because they’d think I was straight and cis again.”
I frown. “Wouldn’t that just be giving them what they want?”
“Yeah, but it wouldn’t be real. They don’t have to know that you’re ace and that I have a girlfriend. We’re already best friends, so it wouldn’t be hard. They see what they want to see anyway. Plus, we’d have fun, because we always have fun together.”
They have a point. I begin to chew on the idea myself before remembering that Jude is completely wasted and will likely have no memory of this conversation tomorrow. “Maybe,” I say with a smile. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”
Jude leans back into me, a blissed-out grin on their face. “Okay.”
My eyes fall closed as I savor the moment; the comforting weight of Jude’s body next to mine. The rise and fall of their chest. The subtle scents of sandalwood and vanilla in their hair. The party continues around us, but all I need is right here.
The abrupt sound of an air mattress inflator startles me awake, and Jude jolts against me, too. I don’t remember drifting off to sleep on the couch with Jude, but after I glance at a little clock on the media stand, I see why I had—it’s 2:49 AM.
“Jude?” A half-asleep Celeste gives Jude a gentle nudge. “Hey, come on, hon’, let’s get your futon set up so you can sleep.”
Jude groans, but we manage to pull ourselves off the couch and go our separate ways.
I retrieve my overnight bag from Grace’s room, use the bathroom, and brush my teeth.
By the time I return to the living room, Jude is already settled on the futon—they’ve changed out of their costume into a baggy teal T-shirt and black shorts and are wearing the cutest glasses I’ve ever seen.
As soon as their eyes meet mine, they smile. “There you are.”
“Here I am.”
Jude pats the space beside them, and I cautiously sit at the foot of the futon—just for a minute. Jude lays their head back against the pillow and lets out a contented sigh. “I’m so sleepy.”
“Me, too,” I say, unable to stop yawning, which makes them yawn, too.
We share a laugh, then end up staring at each other for what feels like several minutes.
They look so peaceful, cozy, and soft. I wish more than anything that I could snuggle up beside them and hold them close for the rest of the night.
God, I need some sleep.
After a moment, I stand with a grunt and step back a few paces. “Well, it’s about that time. Sleep well, Jude.”
“No,” Jude whines. “Don’t go.”
Warily, I return to the edge of the futon. “I have to. You’re not sober enough to agree to my sharing a bed with you.”
“But I don’t want to sleep by myself, and Celeste and Max already went to sleep.” They look up at me with those blue-green sea glass eyes, and I nearly crumble on the spot. “Please?”
I glance around the room. Theo and Caleb are whispering to each other on a shared air mattress a few feet from Harrison, Wren, and Vimlesh, who are on their own air mattresses.
Celeste is softly snoring on the sectional with Max, their heads sharing the sectional’s corner cushion.
Grace and Chloe are quietly putting away food in the kitchen, but they’ll soon head to their own bedrooms.
Admittedly, I only brought a sleeping bag and was perfectly content sleeping on the floor, but Harrison had offered to share his queen-sized air mattress with me. However, Harrison has clearly forgotten his offer, as he’s sprawled across the center of his mattress, scrolling on his phone.