Chapter 30
The buzz of my phone against my nightstand sends a spike of pain through my forehead, and I let out a pitiful groan.
To say I was hungover would be more than a massive understatement—it would be untrue.
Celeste had to drive Ripley because I was still too dizzy and nauseated this morning.
I haven’t been able to keep much down, and my skull feels like it might explode at any moment.
My memory of the night is fuzzy, and I must have blacked out a few times because I hardly remember Nikki leaving.
But… I have a few recollections.
I remember cuddling up with Oliver on the couch, breathing him into my lungs, and clinging to him like a lifeline.
I remember him caressing my arm, holding me close, and squeezing me protectively. I remember begging him not to leave me alone in the bed I was supposed to share with Nikki, and I remember his reluctance to join me because I wasn’t sober. I remember—
Fuck.
I remember kissing him. Oh, god, I kissed him, and it was perfect. His lips were plush and gentle. His face was warm and soft. Every point of contact between us crackled with electricity, sparks flying, my heart soaring.
I remember drifting peacefully to sleep, not just because I was exhausted, but because I felt so incredibly safe with my favorite person in the entire world.
Most of all, as I drifted in and out of consciousness, I remember a single echoing thought—a recurring realization I’d known at some level for a while, but only now was I inebriated enough to face it:
I’ve somehow fallen in love with my best friend.
From the moment we piled into the car to leave Druid Hills this morning, Celeste and Max insisted we discuss what had happened at the party. They demanded to know how I ended up sharing a bed with Oliver, clearly concerned that more than sleeping had occurred.
For the most part, I was able to quickly dismiss their fears.
I was drunk. In my inebriated state, my touch-starved nature and my platonic fondness for Oliver manifested as overt physical affection, and at some point I crossed a line.
I’ll talk to Oliver and explain the situation to Nikki, and everything will return to normal.
What Celeste and Max don’t realize is that I’ve already decided Nikki and I need to break up.
It turns out Nikki was right all along: there was something between Oliver and me.
A one-sided infatuation, no less—not from him, as she had assumed, but from me.
After all, Oliver is ace. He’ll never see me as anything more than a close friend, and that’s okay.
But I know it wouldn’t be fair to Nikki to keep our relationship going while I juggle these complicated feelings for Oliver.
She deserves better than that. I’ll have to find my own way to cope with them, and only when I accept that Oliver will never reciprocate my romantic feelings will I be able to move on and pursue a relationship with someone else.
But, one crisis at a time. First, I have to end things with Nikki.
With Herculean effort, I reach for my glasses and my phone. I notice an unread text from Oliver first, and my stomach flutters with anticipation.
Oliver
hey Jude… I think we should talk about what happened last night. I’m really sorry for crossing a line with you, and I want to make sure we’re okay. I care about you and our friendship so so much. can we talk in person? maybe tonight or after class tomorrow?
A wave of nausea quickly replaces the fluttering in my stomach. “Fuck,” I croak. I knew Oliver would remember everything, but I was counting on him being just as hungover as I am. Or just not wanting to talk about it. But of course, we have to talk about it. How could we not?
Jude
yeah of course. let’s talk tomorrow after class though - I’m hella hungover and feel awful today
but I want to make sure you know ahead of time that you didn’t cross any line - that was all me. I’m so sorry.
Oliver
it’s okay Jude <3 we were both drunk and we clearly care about each other a lot. I just feel like I was the one who took advantage bc you were a lot more drunk than I was, and for that I am so so sorry. I just hope you can still trust me after all of this.
My chest aches as I read Oliver’s words. I rapidly type back my reply, hoping with all my heart that he understands.
Jude
oh Oliver of course I still trust you! I know that I wanted to share the bed with you. I would have wanted that even if I were sober. I always feel safe with you.
I appreciate your concern about consent though - it’s important, and I know that you know that <3
Oliver
that means a lot, Jude. thank you. you’re truly my best friend in the world, and I always want you to feel safe <3
Jude
same here - you’re my best friend and favorite person. for what it's worth, I hope I make you feel safe too
Oliver
you do <3 always
Wiping the tears from my face, I breathe a sigh of relief. Oliver and I are okay. We can still talk in person if we need to, but I already feel immensely better. At least emotionally.
One crisis down. Now to the next.
Jude
hey Nikki - hope you made it home safe from the party last night. I’m hungover af lol
Nikki
yeah sorry I forgot to text you but I made it home safe
sorry you’re hungover lol
Jude
it’s okay, it happens lol
are you busy the rest of the day?
it’s okay if you are - I probably need to rest today anyway - but I’ll see you on Tuesday at our usual time right?
Monday, October 27, 2025
Jude
hey Nikki, are you still coming over tomorrow?
Tuesday, October 28, 2025
Jude
hey, checking in again - are you coming over today?
Nikki
sorry, I actually can’t, I’ve got a big BCOM test tomorrow so I need to study
Jude
gotcha
when are you free next?
Nikki
maybe Thursday?
depending on where I’m at on homework
sorry babe, October is always crazy
Jude
I know, but I really need to talk to you
Nikki
lol don’t say it like that, it makes it seem like you’re gonna dump me or something
Jude
just because I want to talk doesn’t mean it’s bad
Nikki
good because I can’t handle any additional drama or stress right now
Jude
well hopefully I’ll be helping
Nikki
okay good xoxo I’ll keep you posted about Thursday
Jude
cool!
It feels wrong to lie to Nikki about my intentions, but I’m worried that if I don’t get her to my apartment, we’ll never end things.
Nikki is right about one other thing—October truly is a crazy month.
I can’t imagine balancing a retail job with school right now because I’m drowning in homework.
We all are. Even Oliver has been slow to reply to my texts that aren’t about our psych class.
I have two midterm exams to study for and three papers to finish before the end of the week.
It’s probably best for both of us if I don’t see Nikki until Thursday.
“Hey, Jude, are you in there?” Celeste says as she knocks on my bedroom door.
“Yeah, you can come in,” I reply, setting my phone face down on my desk.
Celeste opens the door and lingers in the doorframe.
She looks exhausted, but still far more put together than I am.
“I can’t remember if we discussed the Halloween Phantom Fandom Fest on Friday night.
Are you coming to that? Max is making me go, but I can’t remember whether you said you were too busy or not. ”
I chuckle. “Damn, that sure is a mouthful. I thought you had to work.”
“I was able to switch some things around, but unfortunately, it means I’m working the night shift on Thursday and opening on Friday morning, so you probably won’t see me until Friday night anyway.”
“And you want to go to a party after working two back-to-back shifts?” I ask incredulously. “Man, Max can make you do anything.”
Celeste rolls her eyes. “He’s not making me go; he just really wants me to. Plus, I already have a costume, so I figured it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.”
“Sure, sure,” I tease. “But I don’t know if I’ll be up for it. It depends on how the rest of the week goes.”
Celeste nods. “And whether Oliver wants to come, right?”
I narrow my eyes at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” Celeste replies, waving her hand. “I mean, I know Nikki won’t be available. She always works Friday nights. But if Oliver says he wants to go, that might interest you.”
“You make it seem like you and Max wouldn’t be reason enough for me to go.”
Celeste snorts. “Honey. We know we’re not. It’s fine.”
I open my mouth to argue, but she’s right.
Max and Celeste are a set, and they’re fine doing things without me all the time.
I’ve always been the third wheel in our friendship.
It’s not their fault, and I don’t resent them for it.
I’ve always been a bit of a loner in friendships.
But now, with Oliver, I don’t have to feel that way anymore.
I don’t have to be the loner or the third wheel.
Oliver and I can be the set that does stuff together.
“So, do you have any interest at all?” Celeste asks. “It’s okay if you don’t, I just want to make sure.”
“I don’t know yet,” I say with a sigh. “It’s been a long week.”
“Jude, it’s Tuesday.”
I laugh. “Exactly.”
“Okay, well, talk to Oliver and let me know. If I don’t see you before my shift on Thursday, can you shoot Max and me a text?”
It occurs to me that if Nikki and I end things on Thursday, Celeste won’t be here, and I’ll be alone. But maybe it’s better that way. Isolation is what I do best. “Sure, no problem,” I say.
“Cool. Love you, Jude.”
“Love you, too, Cel.”
Thursday, October 30, 2025
Nikki’s knock on the door sends a jolt of adrenaline through me.
I’ve dreaded this moment for days, and now that it’s finally here, I’m terrified.
I’ve never been the one to end a relationship.
What if I chicken out? What if Nikki gets angry?
What if she cries? What if she shrugs it off as if none of this meant anything to her anyway?
I take a deep, steadying breath, then open the door.
Nikki is as stunning as ever. Her silky maroon blouse is already unbuttoned past her chest, revealing a lace bra beneath.
Her pale blue eyes are hungry, pupils dilated, lips moist and parted.
Her distinctive jasmine perfume hits my nose, triggering memories of our most sensual encounters, and my knees nearly give out.
If I don’t say something right now, her mouth will be on mine, and I’ll be a goner.
“Hey, you,” she purrs.
My mouth is a desert. “Hey,” I croak.
Nikki steps closer, inches from my face. “Missed you,” she rasps, her hand reaching out to cup my cheek.
I shiver at her touch, rapidly losing my nerve.
I could wait to break up until after we have some fun, right?
I’m probably not going to have sex with anyone for a while—might as well enjoy one final feast before the famine.
Plus, that’s why Nikki’s here, isn’t it?
It’ll certainly help soften the blow. I could make it the best sex she’s ever had—really drive her crazy one last time.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Nikki asks with a coy smile. The door shuts behind us, and she has me up against the wall again. “How about I help you turn it off for a bit?”
“Please,” I whimper, completely at her mercy. God, yes. It feels so good to let go. To let someone else take the reins for a bit. To let another person do all the work while I experience all the pleasure. I deserve to feel good, don’t I?
One last time?
“That’s my good girl,” Nikki whispers.
Her words hit me like a pail of cold water in the face. My eyes fly open, and she instantly realizes her mistake.
“Shit, sorry, I mean–”
“It–It’s fine,” I stammer.
“Okay, good. Now, where were we?”
“Actually,” I hold my hands up to stop her. “I need to talk to you about something.”
Nikki stiffens, and her smile vanishes. “Really? Right now?”
“Yeah.”
“Look, I’m sorry about the misgendering,” she blurts, almost sounding irritated. “It’s something I know I need to work on. Like, I know you’re not a girl, but it’s tricky sometimes because I know what’s going on behind the curtain, you know what I mean?”
My face twists in disgust. “That’s not–eww, that’s–” I shake my head. Wow. “No, it’s not about that. Can we sit down or something?”
Nikki shoves away from me with a huff, heading into the living room. “You’re not dumping me, are you?”
I stare at her, unsure how to respond.
Her eyes go wide. “Oh, my god, you can’t be serious. Jesus fucking Christ–”
“Nikki, please hear me out.”
“It’s Oliver, isn’t it?” She laughs, almost hysterically. “Why am I always fucking right about everything?”
“It’s not Oliver’s fault,” I argue. “It’s mine. I’m the problem. Not you, and not him.”
She shakes her head emphatically, eyes staring past me and smiling wildly. “You know what? You two deserve each other.”
“Nikki, it’s not like that–”
“I’m sure it’ll be a lovely ceremony,” she continues. “So sickeningly sweet and so very cliché. You’ll make such a cute little housewife.”
I ball my fists. “Are you even listening to me? I’m not breaking up with you over Oliver.”
“Oh, but you are,” Nikki hisses. “Because this was all just an experiment for you, wasn’t it?
A classic lesbian phase, a brief detour on your way to finding a nice husband to bring home to your homophobic family.
Being with a woman threatens your comfortable lifestyle, and you can’t possibly disappoint Mommy and Daddy, or you’d be forced to work for the first time in your privileged little life. ”
I stare at her, trembling uncontrollably. “That’s–that’s not–”
“Save it,” Nikki snaps, turning on her heel and heading for the door. “Enjoy your heteronormative roleplay for as long as it lasts. I hope the divorce isn’t too messy.”
“Nikki, wait, I’m sorry,” I call after her. “This isn’t how I wanted this to–”
“Delete my number and have a nice life.”
With that, the door slams shut, and I’m completely alone.