Chapter 37
Kissing Jude is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
Admittedly, I’ve only kissed two other people in my life.
Valerie McBrayer was a sensory nightmare, so she doesn’t really count.
Kissing Jake Buchanon was nice. He smelled good and was always gentle and considerate.
Kissing him was pleasant, but something always felt missing.
My mind would wander. He would get bored, and I would feel pressured.
It wasn’t his fault, nor was it mine. Sometimes things just don’t work out.
But when Jude and I kiss, my skin tingles from my ears to my toes.
A fire ignites in my chest, and my heart burns bright behind my ribs.
The air leaves my lungs. My stomach flutters.
My knees go weak. My mind halts, no longer aware of anything but Jude and their sea glass eyes, their soft hair, their gentle touch, their loving presence.
They don’t get bored. They don’t push for more.
They kiss me because they enjoy it. They kiss me because they love me.
Holy shit, they love me. Jude loves me.
Now that I’ve kissed Jude, nothing else will ever compare. I’ll never get enough of them. I’ll never tire of kissing Jude, their perfect lips, their perfect face, their perfect soul.
“Hey,” Jude whispers against my mouth, pressing their forehead to mine.
“Hey,” I echo, peering at them.
Jude’s lips are pink, slightly swollen from making out for however long we’ve been on the couch. “I think maybe we should eat something. What do you think?”
I manage a laugh. “I mean, I guess.”
Jude pulls back to study me incredulously. “Oliver Hammond, did we find something you enjoy more than eating?”
“I think we did,” I admit. “But, like eating, I suppose we can’t kiss forever.”
“If only,” Jude sighs, nuzzling back into me.
As if on cue, my stomach growls, and we burst into laughter.
Unfortunately, there aren’t many restaurants open on Thanksgiving, so our options are limited.
Luckily, I remember I have a frozen pizza in my dorm, so we head down to room 319 to retrieve the pizza, Harrison’s air mattress, and a change of clothes for me.
We pop the pizza in the oven, then get to work reconstructing the cuddle puddle arrangement in Jude’s living room.
“Even better than a blanket fort,” Jude remarks, a hint of sadness in their voice.
“Why not both?” I ask. “Do you have more blankets?”
Jude considers it. “Yeah, come help me get them from my room.”
I follow them into their bedroom, pausing at the doorway.
“What’s wrong?” Jude asks.
“I just realized I’ve never seen your room before,” I reply, stepping inside to take it in.
The layout is almost the same as my own dorm room, though perhaps a little bigger.
The walls are adorned with art—fan art, to be precise.
I recognize most, if not all, of the characters portrayed in various art styles.
Our Flag Means Death, Community, Good Omens, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Hazbin Hotel, Bojack Horseman, Supernatural, and Bob’s Burgers.
“Max is a movie nerd, but I’m a television nerd,” Jude explains. “Always have been.”
“I love all of this,” I say, my eyes moving from one piece to the next until they land on Jude’s desk.
There are several notebooks and textbooks on its surface, which is to be expected.
On the wall above the desk is a magnetic dry-erase board with a few notes, receipts, and to-do lists held up by green glass magnets, but one tiny slip of paper catches my eye.
“An exciting new friendship will get you out of your rut.”
“That’s from the night we met,” they say softly.
I frown. “Really?”
“You guys had Chinese food, and there was a handful of fortune cookies left on the counter. Remember? I asked you if I could have one, and you told me Theo was allergic to nuts or something?”
The memory floods back in an instant, and I smile. “Oh yeah. I do remember. I even remember wondering what happened to your fortune.”
“I slipped it into my pocket while we were talking and then forgot about it until I was getting ready for bed that night,” Jude explains.
“I don’t know why I put it on my board. I didn’t think you were the ‘exciting new friendship’ it referred to right away, but a few weeks later, I noticed it again and immediately knew it was about you. ”
I chuckle. “So, did I get you out of your rut?”
“Yeah, I’d say so,” they reply. “Last year, I never left my dorm unless I had class. I didn’t want to socialize or meet people.
Everything with Tyler was still so raw, and I didn’t want to get hurt again.
But within days of meeting me, you invited me over to play Smash Bros.
You took me to campus events like the Movie on the Green.
You convinced me to go to a Halloween party.
You even got piercings with me. You absolutely pulled me out of my lonely rut.
And Max helped, too, I guess. But honestly, it was mostly you. ”
I manage a smile. “Wow. I had no idea.”
Jude nods. “Not only that, but you indirectly helped me get out of a fairly toxic relationship with Nikki, too.”
My smile vanishes. “Wait, your relationship was toxic?”
“A bit, yeah,” Jude continues. “I mean, I don’t think Nikki was toxic or anything. We just weren’t good for each other.”
I frown. “Huh. Well, that sucks.”
Jude grins, then takes my hand. “Not anymore.”
My smile returns, but I pause. “Wait, you said I helped you out of your relationship…what does that mean?”
Jude hesitates. “Well…after the Halloween party, I knew I could no longer deny my feelings for you, and I didn’t think I should stay with Nikki if I had feelings for someone else.”
My jaw drops. “You and Nikki broke up because of me?”
“Not because of you. Because of how I felt about you. Nothing you did caused us to break up.”
I shake my head. “Man. I had no idea. How did she respond to that?”
“Badly,” Jude admits. “She was convinced you were in love with me from day one.”
“Oh, shit. You never told me that.”
“I mean, I told you she was jealous of you.”
“Oh. Yeah, I guess so.”
“But, enough about Nikki,” Jude says, taking both my hands in theirs. “This is all that matters now.”
My stomach flutters. “Agreed.”
Jude guides me to the bed and gestures for me to sit.
I obey, reversing our height difference so Jude has to bend down to kiss me.
I wrap my arms around their torso, spread my legs wider, and pull them closer as we kiss, slow and sweet.
Jude cradles my jaw with one hand and rests the other on my shoulder.
“Can I sit on your lap?” Jude asks breathlessly, slowly straddling me.
I nod. “Mhm.”
As soon as their weight settles on my lap, I understand why they asked. Every cell in my body is set ablaze with an unfamiliar desire, and my jeans feel much, much tighter.
“Actually, maybe not,” I grunt. “I’m sorry, I’m just not—”
“Hey, don’t be sorry,” Jude replies as they maneuver off my legs. “You’re setting boundaries, and that’s good.”
The guilt creeps in anyway, and I remember why I didn’t think we’d be compatible in the first place. “Actually, maybe we should… we should stop.”
Jude frowns. “Okay, of course. What’s on your mind?”
I shake my head. “I love you. Like, so, so much. But I don’t think—I mean, I don’t think we should—" My voice cracks. Shit. I thought I could do this.
“Oliver, what’s going on?”
“I’m still…I’m still ace,” I manage, fighting the lump in my throat. “And you’re not.”
“So what?”
I cast my gaze downward. “Do I have to spell it out for you?” I ask with a dry laugh.
Jude tilts my chin up to look at them. “Oliver. I don’t need sex to be happy.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “You may not need it, but you want it, so you should have it. You deserve to be happy with a partner who can make you happy.”
“Oliver—”
“It really is okay. We’ll figure this out. It might—” My voice cracks again. “It might take time, but we’ll both find someone else, and—”
“Oliver, stop it,” Jude’s tone sharpens. “Look at me, dammit.”
Reluctantly, I open my eyes.
Jude gazes back at me with glassy eyes, tears already falling. “Listen to me. Yes, you’re asexual, and I’m not. But just because I’ve enjoyed sex before doesn’t mean I need it to be happy. Even if I did, I’ve got all the tools I need to take care of that by myself.”
I try to laugh, but my breath hitches on a sob instead.
“I love you, Oliver. I love you exactly as you are. Your love satisfies me more than any sex I’ve ever had.”
The floodgates burst open, and I can’t hold back my tears any longer. I weep into Jude’s chest, and they cradle my head with gentle, soothing fingers.
“God, I love you,” I sob.
“I love you so much,” Jude whispers. “Always.”
Soon, a loud ding echoes from the kitchen, and I steady my breathing. “Pizza time?” I ask.
Jude nods. “Pizza time.”
While Jude handles the pizza, I gather the blankets from Jude’s room and resume building Fort Cuddle Puddle.
“It’s glorious,” Jude remarks.
I stand back to admire it, even snapping a picture. “It truly is.”
Once the pizza is consumed, we change into comfier clothes and settle into Fort Cuddle Puddle.
We consider watching a movie, but never actually get around to it, because we end up lost in conversation.
We talk about everything. We talk about nothing.
All the while, we never break physical contact.
Eventually, we’re horizontal, and I can feel myself drifting in and out of sleep.
“Hey, Oliver?”
“Hm?”
“I consent to sharing a bed with you tonight.”
I snort. “Thank you, Jude. I also consent.”
Jude giggles, then nuzzles into my chest. “Sweet dreams, love.”
“Sweet dreams, beloved.”
Friday, November 28, 2025
Waking up next to Jude is nothing short of a dream come true.