Chapter 11 #2
‘Look, I was talking shite. I thought that was what you wanted. But, despite the impression I may have given, I’m not in the habit of trading sex.’
She sighed. ‘No, of course not. Sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you.’
‘It’s okay. So, what do you say?’ He jerked his head in the direction of the bedroom. ‘On the house.’
She gulped. Damn, he hadn’t understood at all. ‘Um, no, that’s not what I meant. I don’t just want you to fu— I mean, I don’t want to just have a one-night stand. I want you to teach me stuff.’
‘Stuff?’ He narrowed his eyes.
‘Sex stuff. It’s kind of a long story.’
‘I’ve got plenty of time.’
‘Do you think I could have that drink after all?’
‘Beer okay?’
‘Fine.’
He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with two bottles of Corona and handed her one. It was ice-cold and wet with condensation.
‘Cheers!’ He clicked his bottle against hers and sat beside her on the sofa. ‘So – what’s the long story?’
Claire took a sip of beer, trying to decide how to start. ‘I write this blog,’ she said. ‘It’s a sex blog.’
‘A sex blog?’ Luca raised his eyebrows.
‘Yes. I write about my, um… experiences – the men I go out with, the things we do. It’s quite raunchy.’
‘Good for you!’
‘I’ve been writing it for a couple of years now, and it’s very popular.
I have over 20,000 hits each month, and I’m the number-one sex blogger in the search engines.
’ God, she was babbling. Why was she telling him her stats?
‘Anyway, the point is I’ve written about a lot of different experiences, a lot of different men. It’s very explicit.’
‘Okay,’ he said, scratching his head. He looked bewildered.
She bit her lip. ‘But the thing is, I haven’t done any of it. There aren’t any men. None of it’s real.’
‘So you make up these stories? You write down your fantasies? That’s kind of hot,’ he said, with a wicked grin. ‘But I don’t see the problem. There’s no law against it, is there? Everything you write on your blog doesn’t have to be true.’
‘The problem is, a publisher’s interested in it. He wants me to turn it into a book.’
‘So? Just make it up, like on the blog.’
Claire chewed her lip. ‘But he’ll expect me to be all sexy and sassy, like the girl in the blog, and I’m not.’
‘You seem to have done a good job of winging it so far.’
‘Okay,’ Claire said. ‘If you don’t want to help me, that’s fine.’ She took a swig from her bottle to cover her embarrassment, aware she was blushing furiously.
‘There’s more to it, isn’t there?’ Luca scrutinised her closely, and then a slow smile spread across his face. ‘Is that who you went on a date with the other night – this publisher dude?’
‘Well… yes.’
‘You like him, don’t you?’ he asked.
‘Yes, okay, I like him.’ Claire blushed. ‘But he thinks I’m this total sexpot, when in fact I have hardly any experience in… that area. So, you see, it’s not just about having a – a fuck,’ she forced herself to say it, almost choking on the word. ‘It’s a more long-term project.’
‘Okay. Anyway, I’m not saying no.’
‘You’re not?’
‘I’m not saying yes either,’ he warned. ‘I’m not exactly sure what you want me to do. What would you want me to teach you?’
‘Well… everything, I suppose. How to… you know, be good at it. And blowjobs and stuff.’
‘Blowjobs?’ Luca was sitting so close, his dark eyes twinkling with amusement. ‘So basically you want to pay me to let you suck my dick?’
She couldn’t meet his frank, open expression, her eyes darting away. ‘Well…’
‘Sounds like my kind of job,’ he said. ‘When do we start?’
‘So you’ll do it?’
‘I don’t know. What does it pay?’
‘Oh, I’ve researched the going rate for this sort of thing—’
‘You have?’
‘Um, yeah. I was going to hire an escort, but I couldn’t get up the nerve. Anyway, I didn’t like the idea of being with a professional, um…’
‘Hooker,’ he finished. ‘So you thought you’d go for a talented amateur. Look, I’ll fuck you, if you want. You don’t have to pay me.’
She flinched at his bluntness. ‘But I told you, I don’t want you to just fu— do that. Why should you do it for nothing anyway? I’m not someone you’d choose to, um… do that with.’
‘You’ve got all the usual girl bits, haven’t you?’ he said, his eyes raking over her body. ‘I’d say you’re plenty my type.’
She cringed, but stood her ground. ‘I want you to teach me. You’d have to put up with me being useless and be patient with me. Why shouldn’t you get something out of it? It’s only fair. Besides—’ She stopped abruptly. She didn’t want to offend him.
‘Besides?’ He raised his eyebrows questioningly.
‘Well, we’d have to do it here. I mean, I can’t do it at home in front of my mum.’
‘You could always close your bedroom door.’ He grinned mischievously.
‘You know what I mean.’
‘Yeah. So you want to come here?’
‘Yes, so I’d have a vested interest in you not getting your electricity cut off and stuff,’ she mumbled, her eyes roving around the living room.
‘Right. Gotcha.’
‘Only if that was okay with you, of course,’ she added, suddenly realising he might not want her there.
‘Not having my electricity cut off? That’d be fine with me.’
‘No. I mean, me coming here. We could go to a hotel if you’d prefer.’
‘No need for that. It’s fine for you to come here.’
‘So… you’ll do it?’ Claire asked hopefully.
He sighed. ‘Yes, okay,’ he said, sounding reluctant. ‘I’ll do it.’
‘Thank you.’ She sagged with relief. At least all that excruciating humiliation hadn’t been for nothing. ‘We can work out a schedule. I’ll be very respectful and I won’t intrude on your personal life. I mean, I wouldn’t want to complicate things with your girlfriend or anything.’
‘I don’t have a girlfriend.’
‘Oh – well, that could change.’
‘It won’t. I don’t really do girlfriends. And that’s another thing.’
‘What?’
‘This is going to sound unbelievably arrogant, but if we’re going to do this, we need to sort out some ground rules.’
‘Okay.’
‘And number-one rule is you don’t get hung up on me.’
‘You’re right!’ she said, with a harsh laugh. ‘That does sound unbelievably arrogant.’
‘Sorry, but I just want us both to be clear what this is,’ he said, waving his hand between them.
‘Women tend to be more emotional about sex, and if you’re as inexperienced as you say you are…
We’re going to be doing things, intimate things, and it might make you feel – well, I just don’t want you to confuse sex with love or to start thinking about me like a boyfriend. ’
‘Don’t worry. The fact that I’m paying you will take care of that.’
‘Yeah,’ he nodded, ‘maybe it’s a good thing you’ll be paying me. It’ll be a reminder that this is a business relationship.’
‘Maybe we should draw up a contract,’ she said stiffly, needled.
‘No need for that. I just don’t want you accusing me of misleading you. I don’t want you to have false expectations.’
‘I won’t. Anyway, I’m doing this because I want to be with Mark, remember?’
‘Okay. So what’s the going rate for this sort of thing, then? What were you going to pay the escort?’
‘They mostly seem to charge a hundred euro for half an hour.’
Luca gave a low whistle.
‘I know!’ She rolled her eyes. ‘So I wouldn’t be able to afford that many lessons anyway.’
‘How much have you budgeted for this little project?’ he asked, an amused smile playing around his lips.
‘I haven’t exactly. I was just going to play it by ear. But I have five hundred, and after that I couldn’t afford to spend more than a hundred euro a week.’
‘Well, you can do a lot in half an hour,’ he said, edging closer to her on the sofa. ‘And maybe we could work something out.’ He reached out with one finger and began tracing her collarbone where it was exposed by the open neck of her shirt.
Claire gulped. ‘Like what?’
Luca looked into her eyes for a long time before answering, his finger lightly stroking her skin. ‘I could take part payment in kind, maybe.’ He leant forward and pressed his lips to the hollow at the base of her throat, his finger tugging at the neck of her shirt.
‘You mean – sex?’
Luca lifted his head. ‘Yeah. Why not? I like sex. I don’t have a regular girlfriend. Maybe apart from your lessons, you could—’
‘Service you?’
‘You make it sound so cold.’
‘I thought cold was what you wanted.’ Paying him in sex – she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. What did that make her? But it was no worse than what she had suggested to him.
‘Well, think about it anyway.’ He kissed her, one hand stroking down her arm, then coming up to open the top button of her shirt.
Claire pulled away. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Obviously we’re going to have to start with the basics. This is called kissing. I’m kissing you. It’s part of what’s known as foreplay. Do you want to take notes?’
‘Oh! I don’t – I wasn’t planning to start right away. I’m not… prepared.’
‘I don’t mind a bit of undergrowth if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘It’s not,’ she yelped. But it so was. She had lots of prep work to do before she’d be ready to let Luca see her naked. She didn’t even have any decent underwear. ‘I— I don’t have any cash on me right now,’ she said.
‘You can owe me,’ he said, leaning in again.
‘No.’ She pushed him away. ‘I’d rather pay upfront.’
‘Well, why don’t I give you a free sample? Try before you buy.’ He was nuzzling her neck, his breath warm on her skin.
‘No, that really won’t be necessary.’
‘Suit yourself,’ he said, finally giving up and sitting back.
‘We need to go over the rest of the ground rules first anyway. For instance, how much time will you be able to give me? When would be the best time for me to come here?’
‘I tell you what, give me the five hundred and I’ll give you all the time you need.’
‘Really? That would only allow me two and a half hours with an escort.’
‘Well, I believe in giving value for money. Think of it as a special offer – buy one, get one free.’
‘I have work in the daytime, so I’d have to come in the evenings.’
‘That’s fine.’
Claire fished in her bag and pulled out a diary. ‘Would Thursday evening be convenient for you to start?’ she asked.
Luca smirked and she knew he was mocking her formal demeanor. ‘Thursday evening is perfect. I’ll pencil it into my diary.’
‘Now, another thing. I’ll be going on the pill, but I want you to wear condoms as well. I’ll pay for them – and any other expenses involved.’
‘Okay.’
‘Do you have any questions? Any rules you’d like to add – apart from not getting hung up on you?’
‘Just one question – what’s the name of your blog?’
‘My blog? Why?’
‘I think I should have a look at it, don’t you? So that I have an idea of what we need to cover.’
‘Are you going to make a lesson plan?’ she asked, giggling.
‘Maybe I will. I’m a conscientious worker.’
‘I’m glad to hear it. It’s called “Scenes of a Sexual Nature”.’ She stood up, brushing the creases in her trousers. ‘Well, I’ll see you on Thursday,’ she said, holding her hand out to him in a formal gesture.
He stood, taking it. ‘I still think we should do it now,’ he said softly, his index finger stroking her palm. ‘Just a quickie – to get it out of the way.’
‘Why do you think we should do that?’
‘Because you’ll build it up into a big thing in your head, and then you’ll be nervous on Thursday. If we did it now, you wouldn’t have time to get all worked up about it.’
‘I couldn’t be much more worked up than I already am,’ she said, with a panicky laugh.
‘Relax, Claire,’ he said, as he saw her to the door. ‘There’s nothing to worry about. Learning can be fun – you’ll see.’
Well, that was weird, Luca thought, as he closed the door behind Claire.
He wasn’t sure how he felt about her bizarre proposal, and he still couldn’t quite believe he’d agreed to it.
But she’d been kind to him the other night when she didn’t have to be and he felt he owed her.
Besides, he needed the money. And it would be no hardship to him, having regular no-strings-attached sex with her.
He just hoped he could rely on Claire not to start wanting more – because that never ended well. If he’d learnt one thing in life it was that you couldn’t rely on other people for your happiness, and he certainly didn’t want anyone relying on him – he would only let them down.
He and Ali had been to enough therapists and shrinks throughout their childhood for him to know he had attachment issues.
But he was sick of girls who thought they could be the one to cure him of them.
He knew he was a bit fucked up, but he was fucked up in a way that worked for him.
It was a survival mechanism and it kept everyone safe.
Because bad things happened when you started wanting more.