Chapter 12 #4
‘Thanks,’ she mumbled, grabbing them from his hand, still not looking up.
God, this was mortifying. Why had she ever thought it would work?
She didn’t even know how to get out of bed and get dressed – it was hopeless!
She stared at the clothes in her hand, still holding the duvet to her as she pondered how she could get dressed and out of there.
Maybe she could shimmy them on under the bedclothes?
Or make a quick dart for the bathroom? She really hadn’t thought this through at all.
‘You sure you’re okay?’ Luca asked, hunching down in front of her so he could look up into her face. ‘Do you want to take a shower or anything?’
‘No, I’ll… I’ll have one at home.’
He grabbed the duvet where she held it against her chest. ‘You do realise I’ve seen you naked already?’ he said, with a smile.
‘Yes, I know. I just—’
‘You have nothing to be embarrassed about,’ he said, one finger gently stroking her cheek. ‘You have a gorgeous body.’
‘Thanks,’ she said flatly. The empty compliment made her feel even more foolish.
‘I mean it,’ he said sternly, as if he had read her thoughts. ‘Maybe one day you’ll let me paint you and you can see yourself as I see you.’
‘Look, you don’t have to say things like that to me just because I’m paying you,’ she said, irked that he thought she needed his cheesy lines. God, he must find her so pathetic! ‘Your job is to have sex with me, not to romance me.’
He sighed exasperatedly, releasing the duvet and standing up.
He stepped away from her and leant back against the wall, his arms folded.
‘My job, as I understand it, is to turn you into a sex goddess.’ She looked up at him, startled by his anger.
‘But you’re never going to be a sensual, sexy woman if you don’t feel it, if you don’t believe in yourself as a desirable person.
Do you think this is sexy,’ he said, waving at her, ‘cowering there like a wounded dog, trying to figure out how to get dressed under the bedclothes?’
Her eyes widened.
‘Yes, I know what you were thinking. Do you think the girl who writes your blog would be shrinking under the duvet like a fucking outraged Victorian virgin?’
She flinched at the harshness of his words. ‘N-no.’ She was horrified to find tears welling up in her eyes. ‘I know I’m not sexy, but that’s why I need you to—’
‘But you are!’ He groaned in frustration, pulling at his hair. ‘That’s what I keep trying to tell you. But I need you to meet me halfway.’ He sighed heavily, leaning his head against the wall. ‘We need to rethink this whole thing.’
She gasped. Was he dumping her already? Even though she was paying him? It was almost funny – she was so crap in bed, she couldn’t even get a guy to screw her for money. She couldn’t speak. It was taking all her concentration willing herself not to cry.
‘It’s not going to work if you’re just coming over here for lessons in techniques,’ Luca continued. ‘We need to have a more… holistic approach.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I can teach you how to give a blowjob or whatever, but that’s not going to turn you into the person you want to be.
The technical stuff is only a tiny part of it.
It’s mostly about turning you into a sexually confident woman, making you feel like the desirable person you really are.
And to do that we’re going to have to ramp it up. ’
‘So… how exactly do we do that?’ she asked, relieved that he didn’t appear to be quitting after all.
‘I think you should plan to stay over on nights when we have a lesson – at least some of the time. You can’t run off like a scalded cat the minute it’s over. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ She nodded.
‘I’ll let you off the hook for tonight, but next time, plan to be here for the night.
Pack a bag. You can leave some stuff here, if you want.
It’ll be more intensive, too, so better value for money – more bang for your buck, as it were,’ he said, with a lopsided smile.
‘We need to spend more time together before and after because it’s not all about the act itself.
You need to own your sexuality. That way you can get used to undressing in front of me and being naked around me.
We can shower together – maybe have sex in the shower… ’
Her breath hitched at the thought of having sex with him in the shower.
‘Unless you’d like to start now?’ He raised an eyebrow and smiled crookedly at her.
‘Um…’ She was really tempted, but she didn’t want him to know she had been lying. ‘I really am meeting someone.’
‘Okay. But you’re on board with the plan?’
‘Yes. But… should I pay you more? I mean, if I’m going to be staying over…’
‘No. You’re already paying me more than enough for something I’d do for free anyway. I don’t want you to pay me more, but I want you to put more effort into it.’
God, she hadn’t had a ‘must try harder’ lecture since she was at school. (Actually, she’d never had a lecture like this at school – she’d always been a diligent pupil.)
‘I tried,’ she protested, waving in the general direction of his groin, ‘but you wouldn’t let me.’
‘I’m not talking about touching my dick or getting me off,’ he snapped. ‘I want you to try harder to have a bit of courage, to have more faith in yourself. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘Now, do you want me to give you some privacy while you get dressed?’ The look he gave her was a challenge.
She swallowed hard. ‘N-no.’ Taking a deep breath, she dropped the duvet and stood up. ‘I’ll get dressed in the bathroom,’ she said, standing before him naked and forcing herself to hold his gaze with a huge effort of will.
She was rewarded with a pleased smile – he looked almost proud of her. It made it easier for her that he didn’t drop his eyes from hers, and she was grateful.
‘You know where it is,’ he said, and she walked at a normal pace from the room. It wasn’t much, but at least she didn’t break into a run. It was a start.