Chapter 24 #3
She ran to the wall that edged the cliff, shaking and on the verge of tears.
Oh God, what had got into her? She hated rows and she was useless at confrontation.
She couldn’t believe she’d spoken to Luca’s mother like that – and in the middle of Ali’s party.
It was a horrible thing to do, she thought, as she swiped away tears with the back of her hand.
How could she face any of them again? She just wanted to run away.
Maybe she could hide in her car until it was time to leave.
She felt she should go back and apologise, but she hadn’t really said anything she was sorry for.
She’d said that Luca was sweet and lovable, and she wouldn’t take that back.
She’d said he didn’t drink much, which was true.
Oh, yeah – and she’d accused his mother of putting him through hell.
That was rude, but she still wasn’t sure she regretted it.
However, she should at least apologise to Ali for causing a scene at her party. She genuinely felt bad about that.
‘Claire!’ She turned to see Luca hurtling down the steps towards her.
‘God, I’m so sorry,’ she said, when he reached her.
‘Hey, it’s okay,’ he said, pulling her into his arms. ‘Don’t be upset. I shouldn’t have brought you here. I’m sorry.’ He took her to one of the seats and sat her down beside him.
‘What must Ali think of me, behaving like that at her party? I have to apologise to her.’
‘Don’t worry about it. She’s used to me and Jacqueline kicking off.’
‘That’s different – you’re family. You’re allowed. It just got to me, the things she was saying about you. It’s not fair.’
‘But it’s true what she said. Except the bit about not being able to control my drinking. Jacqueline has very black-and-white ideas about drug use. She doesn’t understand that I can drink normally. But I can.’
‘I know.’
‘I’m not going to turn into some Dr Jekyll type after a couple of drinks. Or do I mean Mr Hyde? Anyway, whichever was the scary one.’
‘Mr Hyde.’
‘Right. I was never a very committed druggie in the first place, and I don’t have a drink problem.
But the rest…’ He sighed. ‘Jacqueline knows me a lot better than you do. It was sweet of you to say those things about me, but they’re not true.
I’m not a very nice person. And I did put them through hell.
I was out of control when I was younger – doing drugs, always getting into fights… ’
‘It’s understandable you were a bit messed up.’
‘Because I decided to be. I did it deliberately to get back at her. I went looking for trouble, and if I couldn’t find it, I made it. I wanted to make her life a misery.’
‘I still don’t think that means you were bad – just unhappy and troubled. And, anyway, you’ve changed now.’
‘Maybe,’ he said. ‘Anyway, just forget about it and come back inside. We still haven’t given Ali her presents.’
‘I don’t think I can face any of them again – especially not Ali. I could really use a drink, though.’
‘Wait here, then. I’ll get you one.’
She watched as he bounded up the steps to the deck. He passed Ali on the way and spoke to her, waving in Claire’s direction before continuing into the house. Ali came over to her, carrying a bottle of champagne as well as her own glass.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked, sitting down beside Claire and setting the bottle on the ground.
‘I’m so sorry, Ali. I don’t know what got into me.’
Ali held up a hand, stopping her. ‘Don’t worry about it.
Believe me, I’m used to a bit of drama whenever Mum and Luca have to share the same space.
To be honest, I think it’s lovely that he has someone on his side.
I’m always caught in the middle between him and Mum, and then I feel bad that I don’t stick up for him more.
’ She smiled and took a sip of champagne.
‘He really doesn’t have a drink problem. She’s wrong about that.’
‘I know.’
‘I’m glad he’s got you, Claire. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy.’
‘Oh, but we’re not—’
‘Yeah, yeah – whatever. I don’t know why you’re both so keen to keep it a big secret.’ She gasped, clutching Claire’s arm. ‘You’re not married, are you?’
Claire laughed. ‘No!’ She debated whether she should tell Ali that there was someone else, but Mark wasn’t her boyfriend – at least, not yet. Besides, she’d upset Ali enough for one night.
‘Phew! Thank goodness for that. I might have had to challenge you to a duel or something if I found out you were messing my brother around.’
Luca returned with a couple of glasses and Ali’s present, and sat down on Claire’s other side. ‘All okay now?’ he asked, handing Claire a glass and picking up the bottle of champagne.
Claire nodded.
‘Why don’t you stay the night?’ Ali said to Claire. ‘Then you could relax and have a proper drink.’
‘We could leave first thing in the morning,’ Luca added.
‘I doubt your mother would want me spending the night here after that performance.’
‘You’re my guest,’ Ali said. ‘I’m inviting you to stay. Anyway, she’s seen a lot worse than that, hasn’t she, Luca?’
Luca laughed. ‘Much worse.’
It would be nice to be able to relax and enjoy a good drink, Claire thought – and she wasn’t looking forward to the drive home in the dark.
‘If you don’t mind…’ she said to Luca.
‘No. Whatever you want.’
‘Okay, then. Thanks.’ She smiled at Ali. Then she fished in her bag and pulled out a small gift-wrapped parcel and a card. ‘Happy birthday,’ she said, handing them to Ali.
Luca handed his over too and Ali immediately began ripping them open.
‘Oh, I love it!’ she exclaimed, when she uncovered the blue sea-glass pendant Claire had given her. ‘Thank you.’ She hugged her.
She was even more enraptured by Luca’s painting. ‘You know that’s my absolute favourite and I’ve hankered after it for ages.’
‘I know. I’ve seen you eyeing it up every time you’re over. I’m surprised you didn’t just ask me for it.’
‘Because I knew you’d give it to me, and I didn’t want you to lose out on a sale.
I was planning to save up to buy it, but I was afraid you’d sell it to someone else before I got the chance.
Thank you so much.’ She hugged him tightly.
Then she stood up. ‘Right. I’d better go and mingle – and collect more booty.
See you guys later. The food will be served shortly. ’
‘Do you really not mind staying over?’ Claire asked Luca, once she was gone.
‘No, I really don’t. Besides, I kind of like the idea of fulfilling some of my lurid teenage fantasies by having a girl in that room.’
‘Okay, then,’ she said, clinking her glass against his. ‘Here’s to making your teenage fantasies come true.’ She sipped her champagne.
‘I should warn you,’ Luca grinned, ‘I had some pretty filthy fantasies when I was a teenager.’
‘Nothing I can’t handle, I’m sure.’ Claire nestled into him as he put his arm around her. ‘It’s so beautiful here. Nothing but sea everywhere you look. It must have been amazing growing up in this place.’
‘Once I got used to it, I suppose it was. It completely freaked me out at first.’ Luca chuckled.
‘Why?’
‘I was terrified of the sea. Didn’t know what to make of it, I suppose. I’d never seen it before – never even heard about it.’
‘Never heard about it? You’d never seen it in a book or anything?’
‘There weren’t any books,’ he said quietly. ‘The first time I saw a book was on the plane coming over here. Jacqueline had got some for us.’
‘Oh.’ Claire swallowed the lump in her throat.
‘The first time I was brought to the beach I went ballistic. Screamed my lungs out, and had to be taken home. It was the same with grass.’
‘Grass?’ She frowned.
‘Yeah, I didn’t know what that was either. I was afraid to walk on it.’
Claire drank some more champagne, letting her hair fall over her face to hide the tears that had welled in her eyes.
She couldn’t bear to think of Luca as that deprived, frightened little boy who’d never heard of the sea nor felt grass beneath his feet.
It made her want to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight, as if she could absorb all the hurt.
It was no wonder he was a bit screwed up – it was amazing he could function at all.
‘Top-up?’ he asked, holding up the bottle.
Claire realised she had drained her glass. She turned to him, holding it out.
‘Claire?’ His smile faded as he saw the tears in her eyes. ‘Shit, I didn’t mean to upset you. It was supposed to be a funny story.’
‘Hilarious,’ she said drily, as he filled her glass.
‘Sorry.’ He hugged her, kissing her forehead. ‘No more stories about Little Orphan Luca.’
The food was laid out as a buffet in the sunroom, and Claire was relieved that when they had loaded their plates Luca found them seats at the opposite end of the long table from his parents.
She knew she was an awful coward, but she would be happy if she never had to face Jacqueline again, and was determined to avoid her for the rest of the night – though she felt her eyes on her sometimes during the meal, watching her and Luca with that perplexed expression.
They sat near a group of Ali’s friends whom Luca knew well. They were welcoming and fun, and she was glad that Luca had relaxed and seemed to be enjoying himself as they talked and laughed.
When they dimmed the lights and everyone sang ‘Happy Birthday’, Claire saw Luca watching Jacqueline as she carried a cake covered with candles to the table, her smiling face illuminated in their glow.
Something in his expression struck her like a knife to the heart, and it hit her with devastating clarity why he was so truculent, defensive and cold with Jacqueline.
It wasn’t because he hated her: it was because he loved her and knew she didn’t love him back.
Maybe there was a bit of him that wanted to hurt her, but mostly, she thought, he just wanted to protect himself from being hurt any more than he already had been.
So he pretended he didn’t care, that he didn’t love her any more than she loved him, that he didn’t want or need anything from her.
Maybe that was why he kept all women at a distance.
Later, as Bono and Andrea Corr sang ‘When The Stars Go Blue’, she spun in Luca’s arms beneath the canopy of stars, the music drifting out across the bay, drowning the crash of the waves below.
Sky and sea bled into one in the darkness, and Claire’s head, on Luca’s shoulder, was pleasantly fuzzy from the champagne. The party was winding down around them.
‘Tired?’ he asked her, when the song finished.
She lifted her head. ‘I’m still up for a few teenage fantasies, if you are.’
‘Hold that thought.’ He clasped her hand and led her towards the house.
She followed him into his bedroom, but when he turned to her, she pushed him down onto the bed, locked the door and leant against it. Holding his gaze, she unzipped her dress all the way down the back and pushed it off, letting it slide down her legs to pool at her feet.
‘What’s all this?’ Luca asked, his eyes dark and hungry as Claire reached around to unclip her strapless bra.
‘Call it my end-of-term showcase.’ She smiled, looking right at him as she removed her bra and tossed it aside, not squirming even when his eyes dropped to her chest. She was happy for him to look as she walked slowly to him in nothing but her knickers and high-heeled shoes.
‘You are so getting an A,’ he muttered, as she crawled over him on the bed.