Chapter 30 #2
He answered quickly. ‘Hi, Claire.’ She tried to decide if he sounded distant or cold, but she couldn’t tell.
‘Hi.’ She took a deep breath, meaning to break the news gently. But then she just said ‘Mum died tonight,’ her voice breaking on a sob, and then she was howling, unable to say any more.
‘Oh no!’ Luca gasped. ‘Jesus, I’m so sorry.’
She gulped, trying to control her sobbing so she could speak. ‘I was wondering if— if you could come over. If you can’t, that’s fine—’
‘Yes, of course. I’ll be there right away.’
‘Okay.’ She sniffed, tears coursing down her face. ‘Thanks.’
She couldn’t settle to anything as she waited for Luca to arrive.
She sat, she stood, she paced. She turned on the TV and turned it off again a few minutes later when she realised she was staring unseeingly at it.
She was so agitated, she felt as if she would start clawing her own skin off if he didn’t turn up soon.
When the bell rang, she raced to the door and threw it open, sobbing with relief when she saw Luca standing in the porch.
She didn’t even say hello before she threw herself at him.
His arms came around her, vice-like, and he lifted her off the ground, carrying her into the house and kicking the door closed behind them.
Then they just stood in the hallway, clinging to each other.
Luca held her so tightly, it was as if he was trying to pull her inside his skin.
‘What happened?’ he asked, when her sobs finally subsided. She drew back to look at him, and his eyes were shining with tears.
‘She had a heart attack. I came home from work and found her.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. There were streaks of red paint on his face, and his hands were covered with a motley assortment of blues and yellows. He must have been working and dropped everything as soon as she called.
‘Can you stay?’ she asked hoarsely, her throat raw from crying.
‘Whatever you want.’
‘I mean, stay the night – with me. As a friend…’
‘I know what you mean.’ He kissed her forehead.
‘Thank you.’
She took his hand and they walked upstairs to her bedroom.
It seemed to take Claire for ever to get undressed and into her pyjamas.
Her limbs felt leaden and uncoordinated, as if she was drunk.
Luca stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed beside her, pulling her into his arms and rubbing her back soothingly until she fell asleep.
She woke early the next morning, and left Luca to sleep while she showered and dressed.
Her head was already buzzing with all the things that needed to be done that day.
She didn’t bother with breakfast, unable to decide whether she was hungry or not.
She was having a cup of tea when her brothers and their wives arrived.
Ronan and Neil were red-eyed, Michelle and Liz pale and drawn.
No one looked like they’d had much sleep.
Michelle gave Claire an awkward hug, which felt weird because Claire didn’t think they’d ever hugged before.
Liz made tea and they all sat around the kitchen table to plan the funeral, making lists of what needed to be done.
All the while, Claire kept expecting her mother to stick her head around the door and ask if they wanted a cup of tea or a piece of cake warm from the oven.
She was jolted every time it hit her anew that Espie was gone.
‘I suppose Jim and that lot will want to play the music,’ Neil said, when they were discussing the finer points of the funeral.
‘Oh, I never thought of that!’ Claire said. ‘But, yes, I suppose they will. It’d be nice.’
‘As long as that mad old bat with the fiddle isn’t involved.’
‘Mary?’ Claire said. ‘If the others are playing, Mary has to join in. That’s what Mum would have wanted.’
‘I doubt it,’ Neil argued. ‘Mum wasn’t tone deaf.’
‘That’s not the point. She loved Mary. She always let her play. You know Mum – she wouldn’t want anyone left out.’
‘Well, on your head be it.’
‘Hello.’ Everyone looked round as Luca came into the kitchen. There were a lot of raised eyebrows and furtive glances, all eyes shifting curiously from him to Claire.
‘You remember Luca,’ she said.
‘Good morning,’ he said to everyone, then crossed to Claire. ‘You should have woken me up,’ he said quietly, dropping a kiss on top of her head.
‘No need. Help yourself to anything you want for breakfast.’ She smiled weakly up at him.
He went over to the worktop and flicked the switch on the kettle. ‘Does anyone want toast?’
‘No, thanks,’ Michelle said. ‘We had breakfast at home.’ Liz, Neil and Ronan declined too.
‘Claire?’ Luca looked to her. ‘Toast? Scrambled eggs?’
‘No, thanks. I don’t want anything.’
‘He’s making himself at home, isn’t he?’ Michelle muttered, eyeing Luca suspiciously as he busied himself with the toaster.
Claire said nothing. She didn’t feel like justifying his presence in the house to anyone.
‘I thought I’d say a few words,’ Michelle piped up. ‘At the funeral – you know, a eulogy.’
‘Really?’ Even Neil was aghast at this announcement.
‘Yeah. I’d like to talk about Espie – what sort of person she was, what she meant to us all.’
‘Are you sure?’ Liz asked her. ‘You and Espie didn’t exactly see eye to eye, did you?’
‘Oh, I’m not denying we had our moments,’ Michelle said, with a tinkling laugh. ‘But sparks are bound to fly when two strong women are pushed together. We were very fond of each other, really.’
‘You were?’ Ronan frowned.
‘Of course! You know, I don’t think Espie really got me until the children were born.
But she started to appreciate me after that, when she saw what a good mother I was.
She was always telling me how much she admired my parenting skills.
I think she was a little bit envious, if I’m honest, because she didn’t think she was a great mother herself.
And she often said she wished she’d kept a record of the minutiae of her kids’ lives like I have in my column. ’
Claire gritted her teeth and said nothing.
‘I have lots of ideas already,’ Michelle said.
She probably had the whole thing written in her head, Claire thought. Maybe she even had it filed away, like a newspaper obituary, just waiting for the opportune moment to whip it out.
Luca put a mug of hot tea in front of Claire, then sat beside her with his own mug and a plate of toast topped with scrambled eggs.
He pushed the plate between them, and Claire reached out automatically and took a piece.
The eggs were buttery and comforting, and as soon as she started eating, she discovered she was hungry.
‘This is really good, thank you,’ she said softly.
Luca smiled at her in response.
‘You should have said you were hungry, Claire,’ Michelle said. ‘I’d have got you something.’
‘I didn’t know I was.’
‘Okay,’ Liz said, looking through her list, ‘so as soon as we’re ready, Neil and Claire will go to the funeral director’s and get the ball rolling. Ronan will talk to the priest and I’ll stay here and man the phones, let everyone know, and organise the caterers.’
‘Do you know where Mum’s will is?’ Neil asked Claire.
‘I’m not sure, but it’s probably in the safe.’
‘There’s no rush, but you should try to dig it out in the next couple of days.’
Michelle poured herself more tea. ‘Of course the house will have to be sold,’ she said.
Claire flinched, and Luca put an arm around her, scowling at Michelle.
‘Michelle!’ Neil chided, rolling his eyes in Claire’s direction.
‘I’m just saying! Sorry, Claire, I don’t mean to sound callous, but I’m only stating facts.’
‘We don’t have to think about that now,’ Ronan said, glaring at her.
‘No, of course not. I’m just being practical. I mean, Claire knows the house is left between the three of you. I didn’t mean any harm,’ she said to Claire. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
‘Yes, it’s fine,’ Claire said dully, clenching her fists under the table.
‘Sure, you won’t know yourself now you can have a bit of independence. Find yourself a nice little apartment somewhere.’
‘Yeah, brilliant,’ Claire whispered, wishing her mother was there to make one of her dry comebacks that would go right over Michelle’s stupid head. She couldn’t stop the silent tears that rolled down her cheeks.
‘You could even move to London, like you always planned.’
Luca’s eyes darted to Claire, and he looked surprised.
‘Well,’ Neil said awkwardly, ‘if you’re ready, we should go to the funeral director’s.’
‘Yeah. I’ll just brush my teeth,’ Claire said, anxious to be off. She had no will to fight, but she didn’t want to spend another minute with Michelle.
‘Anything I can do?’ Luca asked, as she got up to go.
‘No, there isn’t – but thanks. You don’t need to hang around here all day.’
‘I can come back tonight, if you like – stay with you again?’
‘Yes,’ she breathed, in relief. ‘I’d really like that.’
On her way out to the car with Neil, she checked her bag for her mobile to make sure she had it with her. She was surprised to see she’d missed a couple of calls from Mark, and there was a message from him on her voicemail.
‘Hi, Claire, I know you probably don’t want to speak to me right now, but please ring me back when you get this. We need to talk. Just call me back, okay?’
She frowned, perplexed. He sounded agitated. But why would he think she didn’t want to speak to him? He seemed to have decided she’d been deliberately avoiding his calls. It was almost as if he knew what was going on, but he couldn’t possibly. She rang him back in the car.
‘Claire,’ he answered immediately. ‘Thank you for calling me back. Look, all that stuff on—’
‘Mark,’ she broke in, ‘my mother died last night.’
There was a moment’s silence. Then, ‘Oh, Christ, I’m so sorry. That’s awful.’
‘Yeah. That’s why I didn’t answer your calls. I only got your messages just now.’
‘What happened?’
She went through the story once more, reciting it by rote.
‘Oh, Claire, I’m sorry. When’s the funeral? I could try and get back early—’