Chapter Six
Billie
Carter’s quickly retreating form brings a frown to my face as I slump back onto the mattress of my new bed. He seemed so flustered at the end of our conversation that I get the feeling he might not actually want me here. Or maybe he doesn’t want me helping at the shop? My eyes roam around the light wood of the ceiling and I contemplate how to deal with my skittish roommate. He doesn’t know much about me beyond my flirting and anything Jake has told him, which probably hasn’t been much.
The sound of the shower turning on has my gaze flicking to the wall that’s shared with the bathroom. My eyes squint as I try to see beyond the drywall and plaster, wishing I had x-ray vision. My mind’s eye starts to conjure up images of Carter soaping himself up and washing away all traces of his time outdoors. While I love seeing him look squeaky clean, his coming into the apartment covered in a bit of dirt and smelling like the forest was something I wouldn’t mind seeing more often either.
And when he whipped that shirt off and revealed so much tan skin and muscle? God, I practically melted into a puddle and had to bite down on my knuckles to keep quiet. He’s not chiseled like guys that grace the cover of magazines. His arms are bulky and his torso is a slab of hard muscle, and there isn’t as much definition as if he spent hours in the gym, but he’s fit, and he looks a whole lot more real than some of the Ken dolls I’ve been with in the past. Then he started to take off his pants, and while I would like to claim that I would have been a good girl and stopped him from shucking those filthy jeans, I suspect that my desire to know the answer to the boxers or briefs question would have won out.
With a shake of my head, I sit up and hop off the bed before my mind can wander down that road any further. I’m turned on enough already as it is and don’t need to add ‘caught masturbating’ to our awkward roommate bingo card.
My feet carry me out into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, and my eyes catch on the grocery list and meal planning calendar that I saw yesterday when I moved in. Maya explained that it was Carter’s idea, something to keep them all organized when they were always busy with the shop and taking care of JJ. As I look over the scrawling letters of his list, an idea hits me. He’s probably worried that I’ll be a terrible roommate, or that I won’t know what I’m doing at the store. After everything he’s done for his family, Carter doesn’t need another project on his plate, and I’m sure he’s worried that’s what dealing with me will be. A big, annoying, hot mess of a project. Well, I may not be known for being the most practical person in the world, but I can certainly focus and make sure I’m the best damned roommate slash coworker he’s ever had.
Opening the refrigerator, I check to see what’s inside in hopes that I can scrounge up something to make for dinner. Best cook in the world is not a title that I will ever hold, but I know enough about preparing food to get by, even having the skills to make a few of my mom’s favorite Bulgarian dishes. When I open the vegetable crisper and see tomatoes, cucumbers, and some peppers, I decide to make shopska salad. It’s a pretty warm day out, and something light and crisp like the native dish will be perfect. Finding some chicken breasts, I decide to throw together a marinade and get that going as well so that I can cook them up for dinner this evening. It will be quick, easy, and best of all, Carter won’t have to lift a finger. Tonight, I want to prove that I can be a great roommate and tomorrow I can prove what a competent worker I can be.
Pulling out my phone, I switch on some deep house music from one of my favorite European deejays and dance around the kitchen while I work on my dinner prep. Nightclubs may not really be my scene anymore, but the music is something I won’t tire of anytime soon. The fast tempo and solid base line have me twirling from one side of the kitchen to the other, my booty shaking all over the place. Peeking my head into the fridge one more time to see if I can find any lemon juice, I startle when I pop back out and see Carter standing on the other side. “Shit!” The lemon juice container falls to the floor as I clutch my chest and try to catch my breath. “You scared me,” I tell him. Watching as he adorably tries to stifle the smile that I know is just begging to spread across his face does nothing for my racing heartbeat.
Carter bends down to grab the lemon juice and pops back up, handing it over to me with a smile. Our fingers brush and I feel the same sparks that shot up my arm earlier making themselves know again. Maybe it’s just static electricity, but by the way Carter flexes his fingers as he draws his hand back, I somehow doubt it. He feels it, too, a thought that is both comforting and scary. “Sorry,” he says, his low voice calming me. “Didn’t mean to startle you.” He grabs a glass from the cabinet and fills it with ice water.
As he gulps it down, I watch his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. Right now it is, except then I notice he’s wearing a fitted white t-shirt and gray sweatpants, and suddenly all I can think about it how good he looks in the casual clothes without a single oversized flannel in sight. The shirt stretches beautifully across his chest and as Carter turns to refill his glass, I can see that his pants fit just as well, clinging to the nicest ass I have seen in a very long time, possibly ever.
“No worries,” I mumble, suddenly in need of cooling off myself. Grabbing my own glass, I drink and we have a bit of a stand-off, neither of us talking, both of us just staring at the other. The silence isn’t awkward, it’s more … exploratory, like we’re sizing each other up. For fun and because flirting is basically my standard operating procedure, I pop my hip out a little and run a finger across my chest. Carter’s eyes follow both movements, but then his eyes narrow and his lips purse. Even though I’m sure it’s slightly due to annoyance with me, the expression is sexy as hell and I want to see it more often.
“Making dinner?” he asks, nodding his head to the counter that’s covered in half chopped ingredients and the marinating chicken. “You don’t have to earn your keep, you know. I’m happy to have you stay here.”
My feet, of their own volition, but not to my dismay, move two steps closer to him. The scents of cedar and sandalwood hit my nose. He’s around wood all day, so it’s no surprise that he smells like it, but what is surprising is my reaction to it. The scent rolling off his body is as alluring as it is comforting, and it’s making me want to curl up in his lap for a hug followed by a lengthy make-out session pronto. “Happy to have me stay here?” My head tilts and I narrow my eyes a bit to truly gauge his expression. Keeping my hands from running themselves up his chest is a trial, but I prevail. Barely. Finding someone around town to help take the edge off my libido before I accost my new roommate might become necessary if the way my body keeps reacting to Carter is any indication. “Just how happy are you, really?”
Carter looks a little dazed as we stare at one another, and when his eyes dart to my mouth, my eyes widen in reaction. Before I can dwell on that action, however, he begins talking and I find myself staring at his mouth in return. Plump lips stare back at me, and I’m suddenly incredibly curious as to what he tastes like. “I can’t really put a number on it. I’m just … happy,” he confesses. His eyes close briefly before he clears his throat and steps away from me. “What can I do to help with dinner?”
Whatever weird energy was passing between us seconds ago has vanished, and I decide not to push things. That would be bad roommate etiquette and my ego is a little fragile after the whole getting fired debacle, so I’m not sure I could handle the rejection that would certainly come if I made a pass at him right now. “Want to be in charge of chopping? We’re making shopska,” I explain. Pointing at the cutting board, I gesture for him to take over while I busy myself with grabbing a large bowl to toss the salad in.
Carter’s brow furrows, but he does as I ask and starts halving the cherry tomatoes, picking up smoothly from where I left off. “What’s shopska?” he asks. His strong hands make quick work of the tomatoes, and for a second I’m stuck staring at the large, capable appendages while noticing how good the gold of his skin would look against mine as he held me. He slides the vegetables from the cutting board into the bowl and picks up a cucumber, breaking the hypnosis I was momentarily under. “Sliced in halves?” he asks, waving the vegetable at me.
I’m sure there is some kind of crass joke I could make as he grips the cucumber, but I let it pass, proud of myself for my newfound maturity. “Quarters.” I smile and get a pan ready for the chicken. “And shopska is a Bulgarian salad made with tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, and sprinkled with cheese. My mom makes it in the summer when it’s particularly hot out.” Memories of long summer days spent running around the neighborhood and getting into all kinds of trouble while I waited for Jake to come home from whatever music class or space camp his parents had him enrolled in flood into my brain. If only this summer could be as carefree and easy as the ones I had back then. Shaking the fog of the past off me, I realize that shopska isn’t the only thing I have to offer. “In the fall and winter I can bust out some of her stew recipes or one for stuffed grape leaves. They taste heavenly.”
My gaze meets Carter’s and he smiles wryly. “Plan on staying that long, do you?” His tone is teasing, and he actually doesn’t seem horrified by the prospect. Interesting. The playful expression on his face is one that I want to see more of, and I will definitely be analyzing the reason for its appearance in more detail later on, but for right now, I need to answer his question before he realizes just how deep my crush goes.
Playing things off, my shoulder shrugs as I place the pan in the oven. “Not sure, actually,” I tell him. It’s not simply a ploy to remain casual. I honestly have no idea how long I’ll be sticking around. Is there a timeline for getting your act together or whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing with my free time? Something tells me that even if I have a sudden epiphany about my life’s purpose tomorrow, I’m going to want to stick around a while longer. I could try to convince myself that it would be for Jake and JJ, but I know it would have more to do with the man standing next to me. Pursuing Carter would be a fruitless endeavor, but it would be a fun one, and after pretending to have fun for so long, I could use a little of the real thing.
“I’ve kind of been spending the last two days ignoring the whole fired with no apartment thing.” It’s been nice to disregard the swirl of emotions that those events have caused, but I’m going to have to face them sooner or later. By the confrontational look on Carter’s face, it looks like sooner just arrived.
“Why did you get fired?” he asks, scooping cucumbers into the bowl and moving onto the peppers. With a heavy sigh, I fill him in on the meeting with my dad, skipping the part where I almost started crying because I’m having a bit of an existential crisis. When I’m done, I gaze over at Carter and see that his expression looks as shocked as his sister’s did when I told her. “That seems like an extreme reaction for one mistake.”
My teeth dig into the side of my cheek to postpone admitting to the whole truth, but I might as well get it all out in the open now instead of doling it out in small doses. Being forced to think about it over and over again sounds more torturous than just putting everything out in the open. “I think it was less the mistake and more that he’s disappointed. Well, not disappointed so much as worried,” I confess, my voice small. “He doesn’t think I know who I am and he wants me to figure that out.”
A hand on my shoulder has my eyes on Carter once more, my mouth twitching with a bit of happiness when I see that he has abandoned his task and come to stand next to me. His touch is light, but it instantly has me feeling much more grounded that I did moments ago. What is it about this guy that has me feeling all kinds of wonderful in ways I never expected? “Do you think that’s true?” A slight frown appears on his face, and when his eyes flick over to his hand, he drops it as if keeping it on my shoulder would scar him for life. The loss of his touch is felt immediately, and I try to ignore the sadness that creeps back into my chest at the action.
Air tickles my lips as I huff a breath. “I don’t know. Maybe?” My hip rests on the counter as I consider his question. Who am I? It’s something I’ve been wanting to explore more deeply but haven’t for fear of what I would find, or rather that I wouldn’t find much of anything. Not finding the answer to his question, I pose another. “If I don’t know who I am, then how do I figure it out?”
Carter’s gaze moves to the window where you can see the mountains that are now almost completely devoid of snow. “I think every person is different, but I can tell you what I do.” His brow furrows again before he continues. “On second thought, how about I show you? The shop closes at 5:00 tomorrow. After everything is locked up tight, we can go for a small hike. Getting out in nature always helps me, and it might work for you, too. What do you say?”
Hiking isn’t something I’ve done much of. Most of my exercise comes in the form of Pilates and dancing around my apartment or whatever club I happen to find myself in, but I’m not opposed to going on a hike, especially if I’m being led by the man next to me. A thought occurs to me, and once again I make sure to not take advantage of his kindness. “Didn’t you just get back from camping?” He couldn’t possibly want to head back out again after spending a long weekend in the woods.
Carter smiles and shakes his head at me. “Yes, but this will be an easy hike, more like a walk near the lake than anything else. And I enjoy getting outside.” He starts chopping vegetables again and peers at me over his shoulder. “If you come, I’ll treat you to Frosty Dogs after. They’ve got the best hot dogs and ice cream in town.”
My eyes squint as I look at him. Alone time with Carter followed by dinner and dessert? That sounds suspiciously like a date, but I know better. He’s just being helpful and nice because that’s the type of guy he is. “Fine.” I move to the counter and add some spices and oil to the salad. “But I’m only going for the hot dog,” I insist. In reality, the smile on Carter’s face when I agree to his plan is the real incentive to do just about anything he asks of me.
****
An annoying beeping sounds from the register, again, and I offer yet another apologetic look to the older woman across from me. “I’m so sorry,” I tell her profusely. My fingers frantically punch keys on the computer to try and make change for the woman as I try to hide my irritation. Why can’t she use a credit card like everyone else? She could have tapped it and been long gone by now, but no, she wanted to pay cash. As I stumble with the sale and continue to uselessly poke and prod the machine in front of me, I grow increasingly impatient with myself. If I am meant to find out who I am, I can start by crossing competent cashier off the list with absolute certainty. When Maya and JJ finally come through the door, I breathe a heavy sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god. Maya, can you help me?”
Jake’s fiancée strides over and smiles politely at the older woman who has been staring daggers at me for the last five minutes. “Sure thing. Could you hold JJ for me?” she asks before dumping her son in my arms.
“S-sure,” I tell her, holding onto my nephew for the first time ever. JJ is a little shy around strangers, and even though I have tried to come by more often and video chat, he’s still been reticent of letting me get too close. Right now, he looks almost peaceful as I hold him against my hip. His expression is still a little dreamy, and I wonder if I haven’t been going about this all wrong. Clearly, anytime he’s sleepy is the best time to get in some good cuddles with this kid, and I make a note to slip in some more post-nap visits while I’m in town. Addressing the little bundle of cuteness in my arms, I make my voice soft as to not risk disturbing the peace we have between us. “Hey, Little J. Did you sleep well?” He bobs his head sleepily and rests it against my shoulder as he pets my hair. Maya has finished wrapping up with the customer and is staring wide-eyed at the two of us. My head shakes frantically at her. “Don’t say anything. You’ll jinx it.”
Maya stifles a laugh and holds up both her hands at my whispered command. While JJ is docile, I take the opportunity to walk around the room with him, rubbing his back lightly to keep him in a comfortable state. People wouldn’t think this about me since I don’t get many opportunities to spend time with them, but I absolutely adore children. They are so pure and don’t expect you to be an intriguing, interesting, and complex individual, they just want to be cared for and loved. It’s not much different with adults really, but growing older adds complications from years of life experiences that are both good and bad. Looking at the little boy leaning on my shoulder, I envy his lack of cynicism in all things, but especially love.
“Silky,” JJ says as he pets my hair. I smile at the compliment.
“Thank you,” I tell him, reaching a hand up to ruffle his red curls. “The conditioner is imported. Though I doubt I’ll be using that much longer. Auntie Billie is on a budget these days.” Walking over to the counter, I reach underneath where I stowed my purse and fish around inside until I reach my prize. “Not too tight a budget to not spoil my favorite kiddo, though.”
As I present the small stuffed dinosaur to JJ, I revel in the bright smile that plasters itself on his face as he immediately perks up. “Dino,” he cries out. His voice is a little too loud considering his proximity to my ear, but I can handle some hearing loss if it means that he’s smiling and happy. “Dank oo, Biwee.”
My eyes water at hearing him addressing me directly for once, not shying away in the least or hiding his cute face. Finally, I snap out of it, smiling and nodding at him. “You’re very welcome.” JJ squirms in my arms and I set him down, watching as he runs over to Maya to show off his dinosaur before heading into the office to play.
“He loves dinosaurs.” Maya smiles at me. “And you didn’t have to do that, but thank you.”
“Of course,” I tell her, shrugging a shoulder. “I need to use all my tricks to get in good with that one.”
Maya shakes her head and gives me look. “No. He just needed time to get to know you. He can be a little shy,” she explains. Her gaze moves over my shoulder for a moment. “Not unlike someone else I know.”
My eyes follow hers to where Carter has come in carrying a small rocking chair. He disappears momentarily into the storeroom before appearing once more, dusting his hands off against his jeans. His steps falter slightly when he sees me, but he keeps moving, a smile on his face. “How’s day one of training going?”
“Great,” Maya says a little too brightly. I give her a deadpan look and her expression looks slightly pained. “Well, it’s going at any rate. There are just one or two issues we seem to keep getting hung up on.” One or two issues is putting a pretty face on it, but since I’m already calling myself six kinds of incompetent, I appreciate her going easy on me.
“Like what?” he asks, moving between Maya and me. Warmth pours off his skin and I find myself leaning closer, wanting to bask in it like a lizard in the sun.
It takes me a few moments to realize he’s looking at me, and I shake my head to clear away my strange thoughts so that I can explain the issue. “Oh. Um, anytime someone pays with cash, I get tripped up on what steps are what and then the computer freezes.” Then I panic and start to wonder if maybe I should just smile and try to find a rich husband who wants a trophy wife since there’s nothing else going on between my ears, but I keep that little tidbit to myself.
Carter nods thoughtfully. “That’s understandable. The system is a little tricky until you get used to it.” There he goes being nice again. How am I supposed to not crush on a man who is always trying to put me at ease when my internal freak-out alarm is blaring? “Okay. Let’s go through a pretend sale and we’ll see what happens.” He presses a few keys and gets to the sale screen. Putting his hand on the small of my back, he steers me in front of him, but stays close behind. “Show me what you would do at this point.”
Normally when a guy I want this badly is standing as close to me as he is, what I would do is rub myself all over him like a horny cat, but I can’t do that here. My eyes flick over to Maya, noting the knowing smile on her face. Ignoring it and her, I punch in the keys for a cash sale and the beeping sound happens again. “Ugh. I’m hopeless,” I whine, covering my face with my hands. When I can’t get something as simple as a cash sale right, it’s hard not to feel like anyone who ever thought of me as nothing more than a pretty face was right. Sometimes I wonder how I even got through school before remembering that charm and personality go a long way with professors when you need leniency on missed assignments, but that won’t work here.
Carter grabs my wrists and brings my hands down to the counter. “Not hopeless,” he censures lightly His head is next to mine, and when his breath fans against my cheek, I smell cinnamon and clove. Is that his gum or how he naturally smells? Either way, my mouth starts to water as I think about getting a taste. “You’re just getting the order a little mixed up. Its sale, cash, complete, enter. Not cash, sale, enter, complete.” Completely oblivious to my inappropriate thoughts about running my tongue along his lips, he grabs a post it note and scribbles the order down before sticking it to the monitor. “There. Now you have a reminder until you get the hang of it.”
When I peek over at him, he’s smiling gently at me and even though he helped me with something so simple, I still want to hug the crap out of him for being incredibly patient with me. “Thank you,” I prattle at him. I lick my dry lips and watch as Carter tracks the movement of my tongue.
“Anytime.” His voice is a little rough as his gaze never strays from my mouth.
JJ peeling out of the office making dino noises causes us to jump back from one another. “Hey, Little J.” Carter calls out to his nephew before scooping him up in his arms. The spell that seems to settle between us at times is once again broken, and I am left to wonder why it keeps happening. “I have a few minutes before I have to go back into the workshop. Want to play?”
“Play a-me, Carda,” JJ exclaims. Soon he’s clapping his hands on his uncle’s cheeks and squeezing them tightly. “Bi-wee got me a dino.” JJ takes his new toy and smashes it on top of Carter’s head, causing him to break out in a laugh. The low, melodic sound is nice, and one I wouldn’t mind hearing more often. Seeing the two of them interact is always so sweet, and it’s giving me ideas about a family of my own.
“Well, that was very nice of her,” Carter remarks, looking over at me and nodding. “We still on for that hike later?” When I nod eagerly, he smiles and heads into the office with JJ.
Exhaling slowly, I stare at the space that Carter occupied for a long moment. Maya steps up next to me and I jump, having totally forgotten she was there. “So … you and my brother, huh?” Her open expression does nothing to hide the fact that she is keenly interested in my answer to that question. Luckily, I can be completely honest with her in my response.
A choking sound comes from my throat and I shake my head quickly to dispel any notion of something untoward happening between Carter and me. “No. No, no, no. We’re just friends,” I assure her. Everything in my body is telling me that it could be so much more than that, but Maya doesn’t need to be privy to that information.
Maya hums and nods, but her eyes are bright with mirth. “If you say so.” She heads into the office and joins her brother and her son. As I watch the three of them play, I can’t help but picture a very similar scene from sometime in the near future. Only this time, it’s Carter, me, and a little boy with green eyes and dark brown hair. Reeling from that strange image, I bump into the counter. Where did that come from? The question plagues my mind while my heart tugs at the vision. It would be lovely if it were real, but I’m supposed to be working on finding myself. Putting thoughts of that future aside, I turn around and try to get back to work, but the whole time a question keeps running through my mind. Do I have to be alone to find myself, or could someone I already find myself caring a lot about be part of that journey too? As my eyes once again look over at Carter, I find myself hoping it’s the latter.