Chapter Eleven
Carter
The week following our impromptu karaoke night is a busy one, so much so that I barely see Billie at all. I’ve wanted to pull her aside and explore the look I saw in her eyes that night, the look that indicated she might be as interested in me as I am in her, but I haven’t had a minute to spare and now it seems like the moment has passed. Even my evenings have been taken up with working on a few extra orders that have poured in. At this rate, we might have to hire another person since Billie and Maya are working more hours than those of a combined full-time employee.
The additional orders coming in are great, but between working on them and also having to help out in the store on occasion, I barely have had time to do anything beyond that besides showering, grabbing a quick meal, and then passing out on my bed only to wake up and do it all over again. Happily, it’s Saturday, and once work is done, Billie and I are watching JJ so that Maya and Jake can have a date night before picking him up tomorrow morning. Having a fun night at home with JJ and Billie is just what the doctor ordered after the rough week I’ve had.
The three of us have big plans to paint, make our own pizzas, and then watch Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood while eating a dessert Billie assures me will taste good even if it looks like baby food to me. It may sound mundane to other people, but it’s just the type of evening I would love to have more of. Sitting at home with loved ones, just enjoying each other’s company. Thinking of Billie as one of my loved ones doesn’t come as a surprise. The more I get to know her, the more I care about her. Each day that passes has me learning more about the incredible woman she is, and whether she is dominating a karaoke stage in a knock-out dress or curled up in a ball on the couch in sweatpants and a t-shirt while we watch reality television, she’s someone I want to be with, and not just as a friend or roommate.
Every time I think I see her feeling the same way, like I thought I did last weekend, she brings up my dating profile and how we need to get it set up. She keeps asking me what the holdup is, but I haven’t had the time or the courage to tell her that it’s because the only woman I can picture myself being with is her. Clearly she doesn’t feel the same way since she is so gung-ho about my dating profile. Maybe it would be best for me to try and forget about Billie and see what else is out there, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. It hasn’t helped that she’s been making dinner all week, passing me a warm plate as soon as I get home so I don’t have to do anything other than crash out. How am I supposed to forget about the smart, caring, sexy woman that’s right in front of me?
“Smile,” I hear over my shoulder. I jump at the intrusion, and when I turn, I see Billie tapping on her phone, likely taking pictures of me.
“Do you have to keep doing that?” It isn’t the first time she’s popped into the shop for a candid photo to put on the dating app, but it’s the first time I’ve responded in such a sour mood. When her face falls, I immediately feel like a heel and drop my cleaning cloth on the table to go apologize. “I’m sorry,” I tell her, reaching up and grabbing both of her shoulders. “It’s been a long week and you know I don’t love getting snuck up on, especially in here.”
Billie nods, looking a little guilty herself. “I know, but I figured you were done since you were cleaning. Besides, you haven’t let me take any other photos for your profile, so I’ve had to resort to busting out my ninja skills.”
Nodding, I remove my leather apron and hang it up on the wall. “Tell you what. How about we have fun with JJ tonight, and after he’s down we can talk more about the dating profile.” I don’t love the idea of finally filling it out, but I do enjoy spending time with Billie, and if this is the best way to go about getting more of that, so be it.
“Yay,” she exclaims. Her lithe body shimmies and I try to ignore the way my body heats at the movement. It’s a skill I have yet to perfect, but I keep trying.
Once we’ve locked up the workshop and the store, we head up to our apartment to prepare for our incoming guest. After a long shower to wash off the work week, I dress and come out of my room to find that Maya and Jake have already taken off and see JJ playing with the set of blocks I made him a while back. Billie looks over at me from her spot next to our nephew on the floor. “I’m trying to show Little J how to build a fashion runway for his dinosaurs, but he insists on making a fort for them to tear down.” She looks back at the boy next to her and ruffles his hair. “Maybe I’ll have to take you on a shopping spree like your uncle so that you can appreciate the finer points of the fashion industry.”
Crouching down next to them, I give her a wry look as I place another block on the fort. “I don’t think I have a deeper appreciation for fashion, though I will admit that wearing clothes that fit is a nice change.”
Billie’s gaze rakes over my more snugly fitting shirt, her eyes leaving a trail of heat in their wake. “I agree,” she says. Her voice is sultry, but she coughs so maybe it was a throat issue. That seems far more likely that her having the hots for me, so I move past it as best I can.
Plopping down next to my nephew, I bump him lightly with my elbow. “So, J. Do you want to keep building a fort, paint, or make pizzas?”
JJ looks thoughtful for a moment before he stands unexpectedly, knocking over his fort as he rushes into the kitchen yelling, “Pizza.”
Billie turns to me with laughter in her eyes. “I guess we’re doing pizza.”
“I’d say so.” I stand and reach down to help her up, pulling a little harder than necessary so that she ends up closer to me when she stands. “Sorry about that.”
Billie swallows. “No worries.” She walks over to the kitchen and I make a concerted effort not to let my eyes linger on the way her pants cling to her firm ass or the way her tank top shows off her full breasts. “Okay, J. What do you want on your pizza? We have mushrooms, olives, peppers…”
“Cheese,” he shouts, slapping his hands on the counter.
Billie smiles at him and pats his small hands. “I guess you save all your imagination for your building and not your meals.” She opens the fridge and pulls out the sauce and toppings while I start to divvy up the dough we made at lunchtime.
“You’re one to talk. What was it you made for dessert, rice pudding? How is rice a dessert?” I tease as I pass a piece of dough for her to roll out.
“Whatever,” she says, patting the dough and passing it to JJ. She helps him top it with exactly what he wants, just mozzarella cheese, before putting it on a baking sheet. “You’re going to be eating some crow as well after you try it and discover how amazing it is.”
An hour later, the three of us are watching Daniel Tiger and learning about food allergies while eating the dessert Billie made. JJ downed it quickly, and while it’s not my favorite, the cinnamon does add a nice flavor. As I take another spoonful, Billie looks over at me with a triumphant grin plastered on her face. “So, are you ready for that serving of crow or what?”
Shaking my head, I roll my eyes at her as I eat. “I still stand by what I said about this not being a dessert, but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.” I take another bite and hum in pleasure. “I think I’ll really start to get into it when I’m ninety and no longer have all my original teeth.” Billie grabs a throw pillow and tosses it at my head. It narrowly misses before tumbling to the ground. “Such violence in front of the impressionable youth? I’m appalled.”
Billie chuckles and smiles before turning her attention back to the show. Once it’s finished and we’ve gotten JJ all ready for bed, I walk him over to my room but notice Billie hesitating in the doorway. Turning to my nephew, I point at the pile of books I laid out for him near his travel bed. “Why don’t you pick out a book to read for me, bud?” He toddles off and does as I ask as I turn my attention to Billie. “What’s up?”
She shrugs a shoulder, looking a little self-conscious. “I don’t want to make him uncomfortable so close to bedtime.” She peers around me and smiles wistfully at him. “He’s warming up to me, but I’m not sure he’ll be down with me intruding on his routine.” Shaking my head at her, I grab her arm and drag her into the room. JJ holds up a Little Blue Truck board book and waves it excitedly. I take it from him and smile at the woman next to me. “Would you like Billie to read this to you?”
JJ gets shy all of a sudden, but he nods his head. “Pwease, Biw-ee,” he says.
She gasps lightly and clutches her hand to her chest. “Oh, my god, I think I just ovulated,” she whispers. I chuckle as she takes a seat on the edge of the bed and smile when JJ climbs into her lap and snuggles in close. Billie could have anyone eating out of the palm of her hand if she wanted them to, but it seems she’s a little more doubtful of herself with the people closest to her. There’s no reason for her to be—if anything, we can tell how great she is better than any stranger ever could.
Billie starts to read to JJ as I lean against the wall and watch the two of them, slipping my phone out of my pocket after a minute to snap a few photos to send to her later, knowing how much she’ll appreciate it. When she’s done, she looks up at me expectantly. “What now?”
Crouching in front of the two of them, I smile up at her but direct my response to JJ. “What do we normally do right before bed, bud?”
“Lullaby,” he exclaims happily.
Billie rolls her eyes at me. “I should have known Mister Golden Vocal Cords over here would sing him to sleep,” she snarks with a smile. JJ climbs off her lap and into his bed.
As I pull the sheets up and over his small body, I look over at her with a raised brow. “We could always do a duet, you know.” I grab JJ’s stuffed dog Mr. Buttons and hand it to him. “What do you say?”
Billie leans against the wall, her head slowly moving from side to side. “Thanks, but I think I’ll just settle in and watch the show from here.”
Shrugging, I turn back to my nephew and sing one of his favorite songs that we’ve done as a lullaby many times. As I start a slowed down version of “Count on Me” by Bruno Mars, I brush JJ’s hair away from his face and gently rub his stomach to help soothe him into sleep. The longer I sing, the heavier his eyelids get and by the time I sing the last note, he’s practically asleep. Kissing his forehead, I whisper an ‘I love you,’ and stand. When I turn to look at Billie, her expression is inscrutable, but she smiles and nods her head at the door.
Once we’re outside and out of JJ’s earshot, she wanders over to the kitchen and starts cleaning up from our night with the little guy. “You’re really good with him,” she proclaims as she loads dishes into the dishwasher.
Scooting around the counter to help her, I shoot her a knowing look. “You are too. You just don’t give yourself enough credit.” Billie is wonderful, but I think she’s told herself that she’s nothing more than her appearance for so long that she started to believe it. Maybe if I tell her how great she is enough times she’ll start to believe that instead.
Her mouth twists. “Maybe not,” she says, turning to look at me straight. “But you definitely don’t either. Between the woodworking, the singing, and how great you are with Little J, you could have women lining up around the block for you.” She points at the phone sticking out of my pocket. “You just need to try.”
With a huff, I focus on drying the dishes and not on listening to something I don’t want to hear. “I have tried.” Not for a long time, and even though I do really want to try again, having Billie in my life has made doing that difficult because when I think about dating, she’s the only person that comes to mind.
“Not lately.” She stills my hands and tugs on them until I face her once more. Her expression softens and she lightens her tone. “Will you please let me really help you?”
Hearing her beg me to find someone else to date is like a punch in the gut. “Why are you so eager to see me with someone?” A thought occurs to me and I wonder why I hadn’t considered it earlier. Billie is much more of a social creature than I am, but she’s been spending most of her time with me. “Am I cramping your style or something? You don’t have to hang out with me if you don’t want to. I mean, if you want to go out around town and meet other people I get it.” Heavy emotions clog my throat at the thought of her seeing other guys, but if that’s what she wants, I won’t stand in her way. At the end of the day, seeing her happy is more important than my silly crush. Even as I think it, I know that what I feel is way more than that, but I’ not sure I can face that at the moment.
“Carter,” she sighs. She sounds exasperated as she pinches the bridge of her nose. “You aren’t cramping my style.” When her eyes meet mine, they shine with sincerity. “I meet plenty of new people at the store, but that’s not the point. Seeing how great you are with JJ, and knowing that you want that for yourself, well, I just want you to be happy. You should get to have people of your own.” She smiles sadly at me and bumps my shoulder. “You can’t tell me you don’t want that too.”
Exhaling slowly, I nod. “I do, but it’s been so long and I was never great with women to begin with. If I go out there now after all this time, I’m going to make an even bigger fool of myself than I did years go.” The idea of meeting up with strange women and seeing their disappointment has my gut twisting in knots.
“Ugh, Carter,” Billie censures. Grabbing my hand, she drags me over to the couch and pulls me to sit next to her. “You are a great guy, but your confidence level sucks. Going out on more dates will help you feel better about your ability to do it.”
Scrubbing my hands down my face, I sigh, exasperated with myself. “I know.” My head hits the back of the couch and I study the exposed beams on the ceiling before rolling my head to look at her. “How am I supposed to gain confidence from dating when the idea of dating is what is ruining my confidence? It’s not like school where I could take a practice test or something. There is no such thing as practice dating.”
Billie’s expression goes from stern to thoughtful, and a smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. “What if there was though?” As I stare at her in confusion, she rolls her eyes and scoots closer to me. “What if there was a way for you to practice dating?”
If only that were really a thing. “That would be great, but the last time I checked, it doesn’t exist.” I turn my gaze back to the ceiling, only for it to be pulled back by Billie’s fingers on my cheek. Her fingers scratch against my stubble, causing pleasure to zip up my spine. The other part of not dating and being celibate for years is that I’m so touch starved that even the slightest graze of her skin against mine has me clawing at the insides of my skin with need. I want to lean into her touch, but it’s gone before I can, though the lingering warmth on my face travels down and into my chest, settling in my heart and setting up base camp. I’m so fucked.
As I continue to stare at her, her smile turns coquettish and I wait for the inevitable teasing that she loves to throw at me, but it never comes. “You could practice date me.”
I stare blankly for a moment. As soon as the words register, so does the feeling of complete and utter joy that rushes through my body like a group of stampeding elk down Main Street, but there is no way I could have heard her correctly. Either that or she’s just being her usual, flirty self. “Yeah, right,” I hedge, studying her face for any signs that she’s just messing with me.
Billie scoots closer to me, her smile looking far less coy and much more genuine. “I was being serious, Carter,” she confesses. For a moment, I wonder if I fell asleep and this is some wonderful dream, but when I reach down and pinch myself, the pain shooting through my forearm tells me it’s very real. “Come on, it’s a good idea. You’ve been such a good friend to me and I’ve only been here a few weeks. Let me help you like you’ve helped me.” She leans in closer and whispers in my ear. “I promise to make it fun.”
That has my brain and my body on high alert, especially my dick who has not had much fun in almost a decade, but it’s quickly replaced when a queasy feeling settles in my stomach when I think about having her for a short time only to have to let her go. Being with Billie only as practice for someone else feels wrong, unnatural . Unless of course, over the course of our practicing, I can convince her that I could be the right guy for her. Practice makes perfect after all, and anytime I think about the absolute force of a woman next to me, I think we could be pretty perfect together. Billie is so incredible, and if she’s willing to help me boost my confidence, who’s to say I can’t use that newfound appreciation for myself to get her to appreciate me too? Hoping that my plan doesn’t backfire, I search her eyes for a moment before the words I know will forever change my life rush past my lips. “Let’s do it.”