Jude’s Broken Heart #2
“Me?” he asked, and when Jude nodded, Rusty gestured at the cup again, more forcefully this time. “Uh, sure, Jude. I’ll look at your pee-sticks. Happy to be the one to deliver life-altering news.”
Swallowing thickly, he approached the sink, praying to deities he’d never believed in for mercy.
He grabbed hard plastic, metal, and laminated strips.
He took a deep breath, hating the thick hormones wafting from the cup.
Then he withdrew the pregnancy tests and laid them out on the lip of the sink, one by one.
With every double-line, checkmark, happy face, and positive color, Dex’s heart crumbled a little more. Eight tests. One negative. Seven positive.
Shit.
It took every ounce of strength and courage he possessed to turn and face the others.
He met Rusty’s gaze first, and the Pyclon’s expression fell.
He squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his grip on the back of Jude’s neck.
It made the human look up, and Dex swore he could see every second of Jude’s heart shattering.
“I’m sorry,” Dex croaked out, and Jude’s breath hitched.
Then the human collapsed into Rusty’s arms and burst into tears.
Rusty guided him to the floor where they knelt together, a tangle of limbs and grasping hands.
Jude hid his cries of despair in Rusty’s neck, and the Pyclon chittered, curling his tail around Jude’s back to envelope him as best he could.
Dex whined and skidded to his knees beside them, throwing his arms around them both. He was the biggest, and he was strong; he would hold them together. It was the only thing he could do.
Jude cried. Dex cried. Even Rusty cried.
And it wasn’t fair. Things like this were supposed to be good and happy.
He thought of Quin and Glyma, and how they both glowed when they talked about the baby coming.
He thought about his sister being born into the world, just the smallest thing, and how light she’d been in his hands as his mom said, “You’re a big brother now, Dexy. You gotta look out for her.”
But this? This was heartbreak and despair and grief. Oh gods, the grief was strangling, like the first plunge into ice water after an intense workout. The way he had to gasp for breath, those few seconds of terror that he’d never be able to breathe fully again.
It was like that, that world-ending panic, and it wasn’t fair.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Rusty crooned into Jude’s hair as the human’s gut-wrenching sobs quieted to soft cries, then wet hiccups, then sniffles. “You’re not alone. I’m right here. We’re right here. It’s gonna be okay.”
Nuzzling into Jude’s neck, Dex whined and snuffled, trying to leave his scent behind so the human would know he wouldn’t be facing a second of this by himself. Because pack was as much a choice as it was a feeling, and Dex had made his choice.
So he chuffed and nosed along Jude’s neck, thinking, pack, and, mine, and, ours. And, it’ll be okay, you’ll see; we’re in this together now.
As Jude cried himself out, Dex turned to Rusty and pressed his nose to the Pyclon’s cheek in question.
Rusty’s whiskers twitched as those pale, pink eyes watched him, guarded and uncertain.
Dex yipped softly, and Rusty chittered back.
Then the Pyclon leaned in and brushed his cheek against Dex’s, fleeting but sure.
Dex sighed, soaking in the brief reprieve. This, this was what pack was for. This was what pack was. It would be okay, one way or another, because they were together, and together, pack could face anything.
“What am I gonna do?” Jude asked sometime later.
The crying had long dried up, and they’d rearranged themselves more comfortably on the floor. They were still snuggled tightly together, Jude in the middle with Rusty and Dex on either side. Phones had trilled and been subsequently ignored, but Dex knew they had to get back soon.
“What am I gonna do?” the human repeated.
“Whatever you want,” Rusty said succinctly.
Jude shook his head. “I can’t do it. I can’t… I just can’t, Rus.”
Rusty took Jude’s hand and twined their fingers. “Okay.”
“My mom’s a nurse,” Dex said, cheek resting on Jude’s head. “She can, you know, help. If you want. Like, she knows the doctors. She could get you in quickly.”
“Toni’s well-connected too,” Rusty said, and every muscle in Jude’s body locked.
“Oh god, Toni. This will destroy him.” Sitting forward, Jude brought his knees up and propped his elbows on them, hands gripping the sides of his head. “I can’t do this to him. He’ll… Rusty, you know him. He’s always wanted—he’ll be so happy, and then I’ll have to—I can’t do that to him.”
Hand on Jude’s back, Rusty said, “But you can’t do this to yourself.”
Fingernails digging into the back of his own neck, Jude closed his eyes and shook his head.
“I could do it. For Toni, I could do it. It’s just, what?
Nine months. I could… I could. And he’d be good.
He’d be such a good dad. He wants this, and I can’t take it away from him. Not when he would want it so badly.”
“I don’t think a baby would want to be born to a parent who called them an it,” Dex said, so very carefully.
Jude’s jaw clenched. “I could do it, though. For Toni. I could give this to him.”
“Do you really think he’d want you to?” Rusty asked, and Jude exhaled, long and slow, head falling back.
“It’ll crush him.”
“Do you want this, Jude?” Rusty asked.
“I could do it,” Jude said.
“That’s not what I asked,” Rusty said.
Fresh tears streaked silently down his cheeks as Jude glared at the ceiling. Then he shook his head.
“Toni will understand,” Rusty said.
“What if—” Jude’s voice choked off, and he had to swallow several times before he tried again. “What if he doesn’t?”
Apparently, the Pyclon didn’t have an answer to that. He simply rested his cheek on Jude’s shoulder and rubbed his back.
“I could take care of it myself. Dex’s mom, she could—and I could just get it done, and he wouldn’t have to know.” Jude chewed his bottom lip until blood welled and stained his teeth. “It would be like it never happened.”
“But it did,” Dex said, and Jude turned his tearful glare on him.
“I can’t hurt him, okay? I’ve done that enough.”
“You have to tell him,” Rusty said firmly. “Jude, you can’t keep this from him. Not something like this.”
Jude shook his head. “I can’t break his heart.”
“You’ll break his heart more if you don’t,” Rusty said, not unkindly, “and there wouldn’t be any coming back.”
“I can’t lose him,” Jude insisted.
“Then you have to tell him the truth. If you don’t, you’ll lose him for sure.”
Hugging himself, Jude rested his forehead on his knees and shuddered. Dex wrapped his fingers around the back of his neck as Rusty rubbed his spine. Searching for the right words—or any words, really—Dex circled his thumb under Jude’s ear.
“He’ll want to be there for you,” he said tentatively.
“If it were me—and I know it’s not the same, but if it were me, I would want to be there and support my partner.
No one wants to make this type of decision, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I’d let the person I loved face that path alone. Rusty’s right; you need to tell him.”
The human nodded, tears dripping from his chin to wet his jeans. “I know.”
Dex’s phone vibrated, and he pulled it out to check. It was his mom, asking where he was. For the third time.
“I think people are getting worried,” he said as he quickly typed a response.
I’m safe. Rusty and Jude are too. We just need a minute.
Wiping his face clean, Jude sniffed and nodded. “Yeah, okay. We should just… Yeah.”
At Jude’s request, Dex swept all the tests with their cursed checkmarks and smiley faces and double lines into the trash while Rusty emptied the cup of urine into the toilet.
Jude washed his hands and splashed his face with water, using his own shirt to dry it.
Rusty and Dex washed their hands next, then they stood aimlessly in the middle of a semi-public bathroom and stared at each other.
“Well, that’s one way to deepen friendships,” Dex said, and Rusty snorted. Jude’s mouth twitched. “Sorry, by the way. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Actually, I’m really glad you did,” Jude said. “I don’t, um, get a period anymore, so I wouldn’t have figured it out for a while.”
“I don’t know what that is,” Dex admitted.
“I think it’s a human heat cycle,” Rusty explained.
Jude shrugged. “More or less. It’s usually how girls—I just wouldn’t have known. So, I’m glad you said something.”
“I’m still sorry,” he said, and Jude smiled wanly.
“Me too, Dex.”
Then the human hugged him, head fitting under his chin, hands fisting at his back. His tail thumped against the sink as he hugged Jude back, rubbing his cheek extra hard into the human’s hair. When their hug ended, Jude tugged Rusty into an embrace, and the Pyclon went willingly.
“No matter what happens, you’re not alone,” Rusty said, and Jude tightened his arms around his neck.
“Yeah, you got us now,” Dex agreed, and Jude pulled out of the hug with a sniffle, wiping at his eyes again.
“Thanks.”
Hand in hand… in hand, the three of them exited the bathroom. Dex placed the bathroom key on the counter as Holli peered at him above the rim of her glasses and blew another bubble.
“More of your polycule is waiting in the parking lot,” she said as she tucked the key back under the counter. “They don’t look too happy.”
“How did they find us?” Rusty asked.
“My mom has my location.” Dex pointed at his pocket. “Our family app; we can track each other.”
“Fuck,” Jude breathed, squeezing Dex’s hand. “Okay. Here we go.”
“We’re with you,” Dex said.
“Toni will understand,” Rusty said.
And Jude said, “I know.”
Out in the parking lot, Hemersyn leaned against the hood of another dark sedan, while Gem and Toni moved aimlessly around. Toni was pacing back and forth, like an animal in a cage. Gem bounced and swayed in circles, six hands fidgeting and twitching.