20~ The Thoughts of Him
After Adhyay had asked me to meet him, my heart thumped loudly all night. I was feeling something which I never had. I never expected him to apologise. Men have big egos but I learnt that he does not. He believes in accepting mistakes and moving on and by his traits, he is slowly winning my heart.
I don't want to fall in love and then end up heartbroken.
I don't trust men, my biological father didn't give me the best example.
When all girls crave for a boyfriend or husband like their fathers, I pray that my future husband shouldn't be anything like my father.
The man who couldn't give love to his own wife and daughter is really a person who deserves hell.
Everytime I think of it, I remember the pain in my mother's eyes when she told me about him.
She was scared that I would judge her and blame her, society made her think that.
But I knew she was pure and the only man she surrendered to was my father.
I cried that day freely and promised my mother to give her everything she desires.
I promised that I will never let her regret not bearing a son.
I'll do what sons can never do. I studied hard, earnt scholarships while others partied.
I had only one goal to make my mumma proud, to give her what her husband couldn't, earn respect from everyone around and I did.
My first step towards this success was securing a seat in the IIT with a wonderful JEE rank.
Only my mother and I know in which conditions I studied.
We couldn't afford coaching and in our Era it is considered that without coaching one can't get selected in the best colleges.
While my mother taught me physics, I worked hard in Maths and Chemistry.
Those two years were hard, very hard. It was my mother's sacrifice that brought me here.
I expected her to be disappointed when I told her that I don't want to work as an engineer any more, but she grinned and supported me in my writing journey.
She made sure to buy the first copy of my books everytime.
And after reading it, she would often compliment me and describe her favourite scenes.
I don't know if I have given justice to whatever she did for me, but I'm ready to do anything for her.
She's the reason I'm here and more than gratitude it's respect and adoration for her.
Bringing up a child alone is not easy and she did that without any support.
She made herself and paved my way up to here. Without mumma, I don't stand anywhere.
I sighed and took a quick bath to get ready for the day.
Today I have to visit my publisher to talk about my upcoming book.
Even though I don't want to leave mumma, I have to because it's urgent and important.
It will take an hour utmost. And the maid is also there, so if mumma needs anything, she'll help her.
I have already given her the medicine and the next dose will be given in the evening.
So, in short I have done all of my tasks.
I went into my mother's room to inform her only to find her looking at my childhood album. She gently turned the pages relishing our memories.
"Hi mum", I whispered and sat beside her. She smiled and softly ran her knuckles on my cheek.
"Hi baby", she whispered, her voice hoarse. I was immediately thrown back to my childhood. She always did that whenever I greeted her. Her soft kisses gave me a sense of security that whatever happens, we both will be with each other as support.
"I found this album while I was sorting my cupboard.
Look, how cute you were when you were small", my mother said handing me the album and smiled with tears in her eyes.
I ran my palm over the picture and nodded.
It was a picture of us when I was 3. It was her friend's wedding.
Her name was Chandani, and she was so beautiful and kind.
She and her family had done a lot for us.
Occasionally, I used to play with her and even met her husband.
It was a pity that her husband died early over the border leaving behind her and their son.
"And look at you, just like an angel wearing that baby pink saree and hair flowing", I complimented and she chuckled touching her hair.
She lost a lot of them these years. Her once lush brown thick hair now is just covering her head for namesake that tells us that we have come a long way.
We grew together, she as a mother and my best friend and I as a daughter.
"Aww my sweetu. By the way, are you going somewhere?", she first gushed and then asked.
With a subtle nod I said, "The publisher wanted to meet me. Will it be fine if I go? You will take care of yourself na?".
She chuckled and said, "I took care of you baby and I'm not that old. I'll be just fine. Don't ignore your work and go. Additionally, I'll get me some time". She whispered at last and we both laughed. She hates being alone, I know but she always says that so that I don't feel guilty leaving her.
"Of course! Enjoy your me time. I'll be back in an hour. Don't forget to lock the door", I said in a singsong voice and she laughed and nodded. I wish that she remains the same always. She didn't deserve what happened to her, she deserves the world, everything.
Taking my purse, I closed the door and waited for the lift. The lift opened revealing Tushar who was busy typing on his phone. He smiled at me as I entered outside and he went out of the lift. I returned the smile as the lift doors closed.
My thoughts again and again drifted away to Adhyay and our meeting today.
I'm nervous about what he has to say. I don't have any idea what he wants to talk about.
Maybe it's about mumma, maybe he wants to tell me about her treatment plan but he could have told me that on the phone as well.
What's the need of meeting face to face?
Sitting in my car and playing soft music, I drove towards the publishing house.
I tried to avoid being public but it doesn't work like that.
Even after having a pen name and not giving away much personal information, these people manage to know everything.
The tall building came into my view as I parked the car.
The security guard nodded curtly at me and I smiled.
Walking inside the building I spotted the receptionist in her usual white shirt and black pants.
When she saw me, she warmly smiled and said, "Good morning Ma'am. Mrs. Diya awaits your presence."
I nodded and followed her, the sound of her heels clicking on the shiny floor. The office was unusually busy today. Employees were rushing here and there with papers in their hands, looking tense.
She knocked on a shiny wooden door and in a second we heard him say come in. The receptionist smiled at me and went back. I smiled and greeted my publisher Mrs. Diya, a sweet woman indeed.
"Good morning Akriti, or might I say Author Antara", she said sweetly and chuckled at her own joke. Antara is my pen name, I chose it in haste, I was out of ideas.
"Good morning Mrs. Diya, how do you do?", I asked as she signalled me to sit on the chair. Her office is comforting, and smells home. She is the warmest and the most hostile publisher I ever met. While the rest of me judged me and criticised me, she published my books and supported me.
"The usual, even though my back pain had become worse.
I seriously need to visit the doctor", she said and hearing the word doctor, I was reminded of him.
Nowadays he has made a permanent abode in my thoughts.
I don't know why I always think of him? He is indeed charming but I'm not sure what I actually feel for him.
Are we just acquaintances or friends or something more?
I don't know. Adrija said he likes me, but if he does why didn't he make a step?
Is he waiting for me? But why? I have never seen a man wait for someone for these many years, but he is and it terrifies me.
"Lost in someone's thoughts huh?", I was startled by her teasing voice and immediately my cheeks turned warmer.
"N-no? I'm listening", I stammered but she chuckled and looked straight in my eyes.
"I know this stage, I have gone through this. I wish you both get what you deserve. My good blessing are with you my child", she said with a merry smile and my mouth opened wide. Why is everyone trying to pair us together? Why? Are we really a thing?
Abhi confession baki Hai.
I have written it and was going to publish it in this chapter but it was turning too long so I divided it into 4 chapters.