26~ The Marriage Proposal
Adhyay stopped at a park and I stepped out of his car. It was quite cold here, I didn't even realise that winters are approaching. I rubbed my arms and walked behind him.
We both took a seat on the bench and breaking the awkward silence he said, "What do you need to say, Akriti?"
I gulped and took a deep breath. It's now or never. I closed my eyes for a second and intertwined our hands, his warm ones in mine. He sighed, looking relieved.
"Adhyay, I know a lot of things are going and I am an idiot, forgive me for this-
I blabbered when he interrupted and replied, "You are not an idiot, and don't beat around the bush, I'm getting nervous".
"Adhyay, marry me".
His eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He snapped his neck at me and looked in my eyes, trying to believe what I just said. I gulped, getting scared. I regretted saying this. Yesterday, I denied him but today I am literally begging him to marry me. What would he think?
"Akriti-", he gulped and continued, "Are you sure?"
He didn't shout? Why? He should! He should think that I'm hurting him, making fun of his feelings. Why is this man so pure and gentle? Why can't he yell?
"Marry me Adhyay, I'm ready", I said and looked straight in his eyes. I can drown in them and still not die. His warm beautiful chocolaty eyes.
"But you don't love me and I'm not ready to let you go", he whispered painfully.
Stupid man thinks I don't love him. How should I tell him that he's the first man who ever made me feel these sparks, those butterflies and gave me memories to cherish for the whole of my life.
I want to yell and tell the whole world that I have madly, deeply and insanely fallen in love with Dr. Adhyay Bansal, the person who steals my heart everytime he walks in with a smile.
I want to tell him that I love him back but it will only hurt him.
He'll get hurt when he'll get to know about me, how ugly I am.
My heart was made of stone before he came into my life but he brightens my day.
I don't want to break him, I don't want my love to cause pain to him.
It will be better if he thinks that I'm only marrying him for mumma.
He shouldn't expect anything from me because in the end I'll only hurt him to an extent that he will not be able to repair himself.
Everywhere I go turns barren, I'm a curse. I don't want Adhyay to lose the colour in his life because of me.
"I'm not leaving you either. You are stuck with me for the rest of our seven lifetimes", I said.
I'll always be there for you Adhyay but I'll watch from a distance despite being so close to you.
You'll realise that falling in love with me will only bring chaos to your life.
It will hurt me, but I'll hide it. For me, your happiness matters the most even if I'm hurting you now.
After a few years, you will fall out of love, and then you will leave me, it's inevitable but atleast you will be happy with your life.
I'll be there for you but you won't know.
He didn't say anything but stood up, making me perplexed at his reaction. Won't he answer? I remained frozen on the bench seeing him walk away. Why did he do that? He could have denied it instead of walking away!
Maybe he realised that I will keep hurting him always, I'm such a curse. Mr. Viraj said the truth, I bring misery in everyone's life, I'm a poison. He must be hurt with what I said yesterday, I told him that I don't love him and I would never.
I felt my eyes getting watery. I shouldn't cry, it was going to happen.
I bit my lips trying to stop crying but no use.
He should have shouted, denied, at least would have said something, I was okay with that but him walking away was not at all fine!
I can handle everything except his silence.
It is painful, my heart hurts, I'm feeling like it will burst. My soul is crying.
Maybe I deserve it, I ruined mumma's life, and everyone else's. I deserve all the pain.
I was startled when I felt warmth surrounding me.
I was pulled into a stiff chest. I looked up,and found him.
His eyes were teary as well and he looked at me with a raw emotion, love.
He gently wiped my tears with the pad of his thumb and croaked, "I love you so much Akriti.
I never imagined that you'd propose to me, it came as a shock to me. "
Why does he love me? Why? I'm hurting him, playing with his feelings and he still loves me? How can such a man with a golden heart still exist in this selfish world?
"I-I had plans you know", he chuckled, "to ask your hand for marriage , make you feel special like they do in films but you made me feel lucky and special".
I sniffed hearing him. He had plans for me, for us.
He cupped my cheek and caressed his thumb.
"You look like a dream, a beautiful dream. I don't want to wake up Akriti".
"I-I am here, asking you to marry me", I cried, my voice coming out in cracks. He nodded, wiping his own tears.
"Think again Akriti, once you marry me, I am not letting you go", he said and I vigorously nodded. Don't let me go anywhere Adhyay, just don't hurt yourself. I'm scared that I'll give you pain but you are melting me with your talks. How am I supposed to not confess?
"Akriti, you don't love me, so why are you agreeing to marry me? I need to know", he said after a while of complete silence. I love you Adhyay! I love you! I love you so damn much!
I took a deep breath and said, "Because, I-I really- I really-", I stammered not being able to say anything. He sighed and replied, "It's fine, you can tell me, I won't say anything, that's my promise".
And just like that he makes me fall in love with him again and again, over and over, every second and every day.
"My mumma", I uttered and he closed his eyes for a second. He is definitely thinking that I'm playing with him.
"Adhyay, it's fine if you decline, I just thought-"
"No! Shut up! Whatever it is, I'm marrying you. I don't care if you don't love me, it doesn't matter. I love you, that's enough".
I nodded when he raised his voice a bit.
"But Adhyay, I don't know how to cook", I said, still not believing that he was ready to marry me.
"I'll cook for you".
"I don't know how to be a perfect wife".
He rolled his eyes and said," I also don't know how to be a perfect husband. It's new for me as well".
Why doesn't he decline? Why?
"I don't love you", I lied. I love you Adhyay, I love you.
He cupped both of my cheeks with his hands and said, "My love is enough for us. I'll never let you feel like you are not loved. I'll cherish you, even if you don't love me. I am yours, just yours".
And I am yours Adhyay, just yours. You own my soul and my heart.
You have made me insane in love. I promise the only man who'll be ever in my life will be you, just you.
In the future if you decide to leave me, I'll still love you.
I'll be happy seeing you happy, I'll be sad seeing you sad, I'll cry seeing you cry. My heart is only yours Adhyay.
"Adhyay, I'm marrying you only for my mother, don't expect anything from this marriage", I said for the last time. Deny Adhyay, just deny to marry me.
He smiled and said, " I don't expect anything, but you can expect everything from this marriage. I'll be there to support you, pamper you and give you all the love you deserve".
Plans changed.
I'll be busy tomorrow and day after tomorrow is Diwali, so early update.