23. Dev
twenty-three
dev
Five Schlongs Hen Party
Garrett Meyer
[Link to Finance Focus Weekly magazine article: Billionaire Dev Menon’s Magical Birthday Gesture for His Fiancée]
@Dev Menon, you romantic fuck. Not gonna lie, I’m a little offended we weren’t invited.
Hudson Case
Dev’s gone total Disney Princess. Quick, someone check his pants. His dick might’ve turned into a vagina.
Dean Meyer
You think it’s hairless, too? I bet it is if Sniperella has anything to say about it.
Hudson Case
For fuck’s sake! I’m eating here.
Garret Meyer
Dean, seriously, no one needed that mental image.
Dean Meyer
You think he used his tiny “magic wand” to make all her wishes come true?
Garret Meyer
Bet he took her to a “whole new world”.
Darian Meyer
You guys are prepubescent.
Dean Meyer
Says the guy who married a prepubescent.
Darian Meyer
You realize that joke was old the first time you made it, right?
Dean Meyer
But I’ve found so many creative alternatives to keep us all entertained.
Garrett Meyer
Can we get back to talking about Prince Charming? You know, for a fake engagement, he seems to be giving an Oscar-worthy performance, if these pictures are any indication.
Hudson Case
I spoke to him a couple of days ago, and he was still adamant this whole “charade” had an end date.
Dean Meyer
The only thing that needs an end date is Dev fooling himself.
Darian Meyer
Where is he, by the way? He’s been quiet lately.
Dean Meyer
Hopefully he’s getting laid. It would be about time tiny Dev explored her “small world”.
Darian Meyer
Dean. Dude. [GIF of Robert Downey Jr. slow sighing]
Dean Meyer
Sorry, little bro. I forgot about your virginal ears.
Anyway, I have new thoughts on this so-called romantic gesture by our resident billionaire.
Hudson Case
You have new thoughts? Did you borrow them from a Magic 8-Ball?
Dean Meyer
Magic 8-Ball? Is that one of those nineteen-fifties references, when you were but a young chap?
Hudson Case
Hurry up and tell us your thoughts before you lose them like usual.
Dean Meyer
You’re quite the funny man today, grandpa. That Viagra must have done its job last night.
As I was saying, don’t you think the whole lighting up a castle with a message was a bit cliché, Dev? I mean, Danny literally proposed to Vicky that way.
Hudson Case
What the hell are you talking about? Are these more of your imaginary friends you try to make us jealous with?
Dean Meyer
Only the most memorable episode of Full House , aside from the one where Stephanie went around imitating D.J. and it caused quite the sister fight.
Hudson Case
[GIF of man pinching the bridge of his nose]
Dean Meyer
Anyway, I was expecting something, you know, a little grander. Like a message on the moon. Oooh, or maybe the sun.
Hudson Case
I think I lost a few brain cells from this conversation.
Darian Meyer
Me, too. I’m out of here.
Dean Meyer
Off to pick up your wife from daycare already, bro?
Darian Meyer
middle finger emoji
[ Darian Meyer has left the chat]
Dean Meyer
Jesus. So sensitive.