39. Dev
thirty-nine
dev
Five Schlongs Hen Party
[ Garrett Meyer has added Dean Meyer to the chat]
Garrett Meyer
What the hell is going on in there, @Hudson Case and @Dev Menon? I can’t be sure, but I thought I saw security holding someone back.
Dean Meyer
Yeah, your event planner looks like she’s going to have a stroke. This wedding is already turning out to be more dramatic than that episode of The Boys, where Mother’s Milk gets strangled by a superhero’s overextended dick.
Also, thanks for adding me back to the chat, bro. I realize I might have overreacted to the dick tattoo comment last time. In case anyone is wondering, though, Mala was speechless. It might have been because she had my cock in her mouth but, that’s neither here nor there.
Darian Meyer
Jesus. I’m literally sitting next to your wife. I can’t even turn my phone because my wife is on my other side. Can you at least refrain from talking about what you guys do in your bedroom while we’re at Dev’s wedding?
Also, what kind of shitty programming do you watch?
Dean Meyer
Firstly, how do you know I was talking about our bedroom and not ten minutes ago in Mr. and Mrs. Menon’s very ornate hallway bathroom? I’d be extra careful using the luxurious Turkish cotton hand towel if I were you. Secondly, I only watch wholesome classics. I’d recommend it to you, but I’m not sure your wife is old enough to watch R-rated shows.
Anyway, Hudson, what’s the deal? What are you guys doing in there for so long? And why haven’t we been invited?
Garrett Meyer
I honestly can’t believe I shared a womb with you.
Hudson Case
Everything is fine now. I’m just heading over to Dev’s room to get him a new shirt. Any chance one of you can get him an ice pack?
Darian Meyer
Uh . . .?
Dean Meyer
Ice pack? New shirt? What the hell happened? Did he try to pet Piper’s hairless pussy and she just wasn’t having it? Mala gets that way sometimes when it’s the time of the month.
[ Darian Meyer has left the chat]
[ Dean Meyer has added Darian Meyer to the chat]
Darian Meyer
Dude! Rani is literally looking over my shoulder to see what we’re chatting about. Can you chill with the cat references?
Dean Meyer
Who says I was talking about cats? evil smile emoji
Anyway, Hudson, as the best man, can you give us a bit more than “everything is fine”? Because needing a new shirt and ice pack sounds about as fine as the time I tried to wax myself. I hope I never see those same nurses in the ER.
Hudson Case
Let’s just say I saw another side of our reserved billionaire friend today. And so did Piper’s asshole dad. Turns out our friend has a right hook that could lay someone out faster than your morning breath, Dean.
Garrett Meyer
Holy shit! Dev punched his father-in-law?!
Dean Meyer
And we missed all the action while we were out here, eating hors d’oeuvres and listening to U2 play the classics?! I mean, not that I’m complaining. The hors d’oeuvres were amazing, and I might have sprung a boner for Bono when he sang “Sunday Bloody Sunday”. I kid you not, he was looking right at me.
Also, that song seems ironic now.
Darian Meyer
Hudson, is everything okay now? Garrett is heading inside to help get an ice pack. Do you need anything else?
Hudson Case
Just make sure the guests stay calm. Oh, and definitely have a stiff drink ready for our boy once he’s finally hitched. Actually, make it a bottle.