4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Will
Back in the kitchen, I’m aimless. I stand by the counter in the middle of the room, trying to convince myself to do something. To bake, to flip through my journal, to do anything.
But I can’t move; a mix of emotions runs through me. I can’t seem to decipher why. Why did I react that way to Wickham flirting with Lizzie?
I pretended to be her boyfriend for less than a minute today.
Maybe I am upset because Lizzie was so affected by Billie and then here comes Wickham, flirting with her.
I think it’s too soon to be flirting with that guy after I just heard her crying in her office.
Then, she was smiling at Wickham as if she were okay again, like he made her feel better.
Why does that bother me so much? Maybe I want to be the one to make her smile again, to make her feel better.
I care about Lizzie, even though she gets under my skin and we spend most of the time bickering. She’s my friend, though, so I have to notice these things…like when a guy who is not me makes her cry or makes her smile. Right?
I can’t decide if that’s the right reaction, so I settle on the fact that I may be feeling a little overprotective of Lizzie. I don’t want her to end up with just any old guy. She deserves the best.
She’s too smart to end up with a guy who won’t appreciate how funny, bubbly, and business-savvy she is. She lights up every room she walks into without trying, like the time I first saw her at a town hall meeting.
She stood out to me in the audience when she spoke up for Nic’s bookstore, Green Light Books, and Gatsby’s Inn, which used to be owned by Jay’s dad before he retired.
Lizzie wasn’t afraid to say what she wanted, to be brave, bold, and look good while doing it.
It’s like nothing can get her down. But today, something got to her. And I don’t know how to be there for her.
This side of Lizzie that I heard this morning, the crying and sad side, wasn’t the one I’ve spent a lot of time with. But I want to be there for her.
The kitchen door opens, and Lizzie walks in. I turn and bump into her. How did I wander all the way over by the door and away from the counter? I’ve been so lost in thought that I hadn’t noticed.
“Watch it, Darcy,” she says, rolling her eyes at me.
The worry I feel for her fades a little. Hearing her call me Darcy feels right, as if she is back to normal. But I don’t know what to say next.
I can’t make jokes or say anything witty. I don’t know if I should be funny or if I should be concerned. I don’t know if she’ll respond well to me checking on her, but if I am really her friend, then we should be able to go beyond the banter.
“Lizzie?” I ask, unsure.
That smug look on her face fades away. Her eyes tear up and she sniffs, not letting a single tear fall. She looks at me defiantly.
Her lip trembles as if she wants to speak, but she says nothing. I close the space between us and wrap my arms around her. She stands there for a moment, not moving, not returning the hug. Then, she relaxes into the hug, wrapping her arms around me.
Her tears fall onto my apron, soaking through. I hold on tight, resting my head on hers as we stand there. We’ve never hugged before, but this doesn’t feel like hugging someone for the first time.
It feels like the most natural thing in the world to hold Lizzie Bennett in my arms…and that scares me.
Lizzie sniffles again, pulling away first. When she looks up at me, I wonder if she can read my mind. I wonder if she feels what I feel. She reaches up to wipe her eyes, but I find myself reaching up too, wiping her tears away.
“I’m here for you, Lizzie. What are friends for?” I step back and grab a paper towel from the roll on the counter for her.
Lizzie blinks, narrowing her eyes at me. “What, no ‘Boss Lady’ this time?” She takes the paper towel and wipes her nose.
“You’re always gonna be Boss Lady to me,” I say, unable to take another step closer to her. I couldn’t risk it… I didn’t want to feel whatever I felt when we hugged. But I do care if she is okay. “And I’m serious, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks, Will,” she says sincerely. She turns around to throw out her paper towel and to wash her hands at the sink. She moves so fast that it leaves me standing there wondering what just happened.
I try to follow her lead, since she seems to want to move past the moment.
She grabs her journal from the counter and takes a seat at one of the stools.
I wash my hands and begin making a batch of donuts to add to the display case.
I decide to go the nonchalant route. I ask her, “You’ve got two different guys fighting for your attention in one day? How does it feel to be so popular?”
“Are you jealous, Darcy?” she asks, her back to me.
“Of all the drama you’ve got going on? I don’t think so.”
“For your information, I don’t have a lot of drama going on.
Drama found me today. I did not choose drama.
I never do. But the two guys you’re speaking of are not fighting for my attention.
Billie is fighting for Mama’s attention, but he already has it.
And George Wickham is… I don’t know. I guess we’ll see… ”
“How have I been your friend for months now and I didn’t know that you had all this guy drama?”
“Once again, I do not have any guy drama. I have an ex-fiancé and a solution to my lack of a wedding date problem.”
I place a tray of caramel-glazed donuts in the oven and ask, “You’re taking that police officer to the wedding?”
“That police officer has a name.” She stands, walking over to peer inside of a cabinet. She rearranges some spices for drinks, always finding a reason to reorganize something. “And Wickham is obviously interested in me, so I might ask him to come with me to the wedding.”
“Do you want my opinion?”
“Are you trying to coach me on my love life, Darcy? Since when are you so into romance?”
“As your fake boyfriend for a moment in time today and as your friend, I think you can do better than Billie and Wickham. Wickham seems kind of flirty, and that may mean that he is sincere, but also may mean that he’s trouble.
And if you need a wedding date, we could always go together as friends.
I can help make your ex-fiancé jealous and maybe get your mom off your back. ”
“Wait, do you really think Wickham is just a flirt?”
I hear the hesitation in her voice. She looks as if she’s rethinking all of her interactions with him. I am trying not to be bothered because she is only concerned about Wickham after everything I just said.
Though I really am concerned about her when it comes to him. He stopped by often, flirting with her or asking me or Wolfsheim about her if she isn’t at the register. I’ve also seen him flirt with other women when Lizzie wasn’t at the register.
To Lizzie, I say, “I think Wickham seems like a guy who wants a good time, not a long time. He’s the type you might go on a date with, but not someone you take seriously. He’s a flirt. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Aww,” she says, closing a cabinet nearby. “You care about me, Darcy.”
“Of course I care about you, Boss Lady.”
“Wait a minute!” she exclaims, making me turn to look at her. “You’re a genius.”
“I know that I am, but why do you think I am?”
“Darcy, keep up. You are totally right. I want to convince Mama that I’m happy so that she can leave me alone.
I’m not saying that I’m looking for my husband right now because, honestly, I don’t even feel like dealing with that.
But if I can get a date to the wedding, Mama will be satisfied, and Billie might leave town and never come back.
I mean, you pretending to be my boyfriend earlier was the perfect save.
Thanks, by the way. But no one will actually believe that we’re together.
But, me and Wickham? He has to be the right guy.
He can’t just be a flirt. But if he is, my heart’s already broken, so what else can he do to me? ”
“You really think you and I can’t pull off a fake relationship?” I ask Lizzie, playfully challenging her to hide the pang of hurt I feel.
“We don’t even like each other, Darcy.” She narrows her eyes at me, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
I step closer, and she backs into the counter. She holds her breath. I hold mine too. I lift her chin up gently.
Leaning down, I whisper into her ear, “Are you sure about that? I think we can make it look real.”
And I don’t know what makes me do it. It could have been the way she dismissed the idea of us. Or maybe I just wanted to be close to her again, but I can’t tell her that.
“Darcy, stop playing,” she laughs, swatting at me, hand landing on my chest.
The laugh dies on her lips. Her expression changes when I don’t laugh. I can’t laugh. I don’t know what has gotten into me. Why are we standing here, bodies close, holding our breath?
“Will?” she asks, voice low and questioning.
Hearing her call my name pulls me out of the trance I’m in. But I can’t pull away. I want to mess with her and make her laugh. I want to make her feel better. I also want to lean in and see what happens.
I look into her eyes, then at her lips, pretending I might kiss her. I hold that position for a moment, watching the terror flood her eyes. And then I laugh to play it cool, knowing that this stupid, impulsive moment is messing with her, but it is also confusing me.
I decide to keep it light, to make a joke…though, on the inside, I’m not laughing. “Like I asked before, do you think we can’t pull off a fake relationship? With this chemistry? I had you for a moment, didn’t I?”
Her mouth falls open, and something between a gasp and a laugh comes out. This time, she doesn’t swat me away and keeps her hand on my chest. “You really are something, Darcy. Way to kick a girl when she’s already down.”
“I’m just proving my point that you can do better than Billie or Wickham.” And, proving my point that I keep finding reasons to be close to her, but I can’t say that. I don’t even know when that became something I wanted.
“You’re probably right,” she says, shrugging. She drops her hand and moves to sit at the kitchen counter.
“I’m right? You never tell me that I’m right.”
“Because you usually aren’t. But this time… you could be on to something. You should be my fake boyfriend.” She quickly adds, “Don’t make me regret this; hear me out.” Then she rushes over to me and pulls me toward her office. Once inside, she closes the door before I can respond.
“Darcy, I need you to come to dinner with me tonight.”
“You… what?” I asked, confused. I didn’t actually think she’d want me to be her date.
“You’re the decoy I need to make my plan work. We’ll show up at family dinner tonight and surprise my family and make it through the wedding together. Then, we break up and pretend it never happened because it really never really did… it’s perfect.”
“What about me?” I ask her.
“What about you? I’ll be the best fake girlfriend ever.”
“I can’t fake date you for real. You’re my boss. I was just trying to help. I didn’t mean to start something.”
Plus, I’m scared to fake date her for real. I might catch real feelings. I can’t risk my new life here if it gets messy. Not with how mixed up I feel already.
A moment passes. Lizzie puts her head in her hands and kicks her desk.
“You’re right,” she says, sighing. “I can’t believe I’m doing the very thing I said I wouldn’t do. I was just talking to the girls this morning, and they were all like, ‘You two are perfect for each other.’ And I was all like, ‘We are not, and I’m his boss, so… no.’”
“Wait, what?” I ask. I can’t help it because everything she’s saying makes me want to ask way too many things at once. “You were talking to Nic and Jane about me?”
“Duh, who else?”
She paces in front of her desk in her small office. She almost bumps into me but stops herself.
Sighing again, Lizzie says, “Forget it. That’s a dumb idea.
You and I can’t fake date each other because once we fake break up, we still would have to work together.
I don’t wanna make it awkward for you in this town, especially since you’re new.
I probably should just take my chances with Wickham. ”
“So, you asked me to be your fake boyfriend and then you dumped me for a police officer just like that?”
“Oh, don’t pretend to be heartbroken. You didn’t even want to do the plan with me.”
“For the record, I would’ve been a great fake boyfriend. I just care about our friendship and working relationship too much to risk it.”
“For the record, I am sorry I ever asked you to be my fake boyfriend. Now, that is the first and last apology you’ll ever get from me. Get out of my office, Darcy.”
“I’m already gone, Boss Lady.”
I hope she can’t see the look on my face as I close the door. It’s mixed with relief, confusion, and regret. Why did I back out? I know why, but still.
What if part of me wants to be the fake boyfriend? What if I don’t know why I feel that way? What if I don’t want to feel that way? And what if I am worried about her too?
Fake dating can be messy. I should have thought about that before I pretended to be her boyfriend earlier. That’s why Wickham may be the safer choice for her.
Why am I so invested in this? Maybe because I haven’t been on a date in far too long, not since I was back in Chicago. And my parents arranged that date, so…it doesn’t really count since no real feelings were involved for me.
Living in Selah is nice, but sometimes lonely when it comes to having a romantic relationship. Lizzie has been a true friend and made life here less lonely.
I think about how all this started today. I can’t believe I almost risked my life here over some mixed-up feelings.
I can’t afford to do something like that. I can’t get attached to Lizzie in that way, even if it means that I also won’t have a date to the wedding or that I can’t ever be in a relationship here. How can I be in a relationship here when no one really knows who I am?
I wonder if Lizzie would have asked me to fake date her if she knew who I really was, where I come from, and who my family is. Once people found out about my family’s money, they changed and they saw me differently. I didn’t get to be Will Darcy, the baker.
I’d become something they wanted for superficial reasons. That’s why none of my other relationships worked out back in Chicago. I couldn’t have had a real relationship if I tried. That’s why I’m single and better off for it.
I need to get a grip, get back to my job and focus on what I am good at: baking. I snap out of it, popping my earbuds back in so I can get started on prepping my new menu shopping list and stop thinking about Lizzie’s love life.
A text message alert comes through, making my phone buzz in my pocket. I pull out my phone… but I wish I hadn’t.
The text glares at me.
Caroline: I still can’t believe you broke off our engagement. We need to talk about this.
Guilty, I look away from my phone screen.
Lizzie’s not the only one with an ex-fiancée.