5. Chapter Five #4
He shrugs, but he doesn’t speak. Neither do I. I don’t know what I was expecting, but somehow this is still disappointing to me.
That he did come back like I used to pray he would, even so, he doesn’t even really want me. Because if he wanted me, he wouldn’t have left in the first place.
“You don’t know?” I ask.
“I think I just needed to live on my own for a while, away from Selah Falls, to get myself together and figure out the kind of man I wanted to be.”
“Did you figure it out yet?”
“I thought being away would help. And in a way, it did. I have my dream job in Chicago. I own property. I’ve dated other people and I know what I want now.”
“Oh,” I laugh humorlessly. “You know what you want now, Billie? I knew what I wanted back then. I wanted you. I said yes to marrying you because I wanted you. I was willing to work through anything with you and build a life together. But you ran away. And, now what? You expected me to put my life on pause for years until you returned home like the prodigal son?”
“I thought we could try again. I’m in a better place now and I can afford to take care of us. You wouldn’t even have to work anymore. We can get married, start a family, get out of Selah, if you want.”
“You really are delusional, I see,” I say, exhaling. Disgusted, I look away from him. Somehow, I don’t know how I ever loved him.
I say, “But since I’m the sane one, I’ll be the one to tell you that you messed up back then and you’re messing up now.
You obviously never knew me. I don’t want to be taken care of.
I run my own business. I love living here in Selah, and I’d never run away with you.
You and I will never be anything; you lost all that.
I want you to take your flowers, and the rest of your dignity, and leave. ”
I don’t wait for him to respond. I just turn around and head back towards the front door, which I yank open and slam behind me, leaving him on the porch. I hope he will leave and truly never return.
Once I’m back inside, I head to the dining room and sit down, ignoring the curious glances from everyone. I fill up my plate since they are already eating and I do the only rational thing I think to do at a time like this. I eat too.
On the inside, I am curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out. But on the outside, I smile, tell jokes, and pretend to be okay.
Everyone else does the same. My family is good at that. Pretending. Which explains why I’m so good at it too.
I pull out my phone under the table and begin texting the crew group chat.
Me: I hate it here.
Nic: Need us to save you?
Jane: Yeah, if you need us to come to you, we will.
Me: You don’t even know what I need saving from yet.
Nic: Is your mom giving you a hard time?
Jane: Did Billie really come over for dinner? When you texted us about that earlier, I thought you were joking.
Me: Yes and yes. No joke. He was here.
Jane: I can’t believe your mom actually invited him over and didn’t tell you.
Nic: I can’t believe that Billie showed up out of nowhere this morning.
Me: I can. Again, I hate it here. But George is here so I have to put on a front.
Jane: George Wickham???
Nic: Why is George there?
Me: I asked him to come. Obviously. LOL.
Nic: (side-eye emoji)
Jane: (thumbs up Nic’s side-eye emoji)
Me: STOP SIDE-EYEING ME THROUGH EMOJIS!
Nic: Are you sure about this? You know he’s a flirt.
Jane: He literally flirts with everyone
Me: Why does everyone keep saying that?
Nic: Who is everyone?
Me: Will said that earlier.
Jane: Why were you talking to Will about George?
Me: Long story…
Nic: Well, be prepared to tell us this long story tomorrow night.
Me: What’s happening tomorrow night?
Nic: The wedding donut and latte tasting.
Jane: Oh no, did you forget? Need to reschedule?
Me: Shoot! I forgot but I’ll be ready for tomorrow. I promise. Just been super busy.
Nic: We can tell… three guys and all this drama.
Jane: LOL stop.
Me: WHAT? Billie is gone. Will is just Will. There is just one guy: George. And despite what everyone thinks, I think he’s cute.
Nic: Just be careful.
Jane: And remember that we love you and are just a text away.
Me: You guys are so sappy. But so am I. Love ya!
***
After dinner, George and I walk to the front door and stop on the steps.
“I would say thanks for coming, but I think I should say thank you for surviving this train wreck of a dinner instead, so thank you, George.”
He laughs, taking my hand in his. He kisses it softly. I melt.
“I think meeting the family is the perfect first date,” he says.
“First date?” I ask, leaving off part of the question I want to ask.
“You know, the date that comes before the second, third, fourth, fifth... tenth.”
“That’s a lot of dates,” I say, laughing again, feeling like a teenager.
“I’m hoping that we get to go on all the dates.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he say, nodding. He pulls me closer, wrapping his hand around my waist.
When he lifts my chin up and looks at my lips, I don’t pull away. I let him press his lips against mine. But, something feels off.
I break away from the kiss, about to speak. He misinterprets this and kisses my hand, saying something about taking things slow. He says something flirty as he walks to his car. But I stand there, watching him go.
My mind drifts to the flowers he brought me tonight. It was thoughtful of him, but they are not my favorite flowers. My favorite flowers are tulips.
Billie didn’t remember that. George didn’t either.
But Will remembered the tulips.