17. Chapter Seventeen #3
I stare into the smoke drifting upward from the bonfire instead of talking to anyone. I take a deep breath, feeling so unlike myself. I can’t even fake a smile or start a conversation right now as I zone out, trying to figure out how to break the news to everyone tonight.
Not that we have to break the news anymore…sort of.
Nic, Jane, Jay and Edward already know. So why am I struggling to fake this whole thing? I don’t know.
I keep staring into the smoke, holding onto the healthy soda Jane bought since she’s been on this health kick and has sworn off regular soda and most sweets. I take a sip, not really bothering to taste it, as I slump farther into my chair by the fire.
Nic and Jane are sitting on either side of me, chatting with my sisters. The guys are gathered on the opposite side of the fire, talking among themselves. My eyes naturally find Will’s, and I have to look away because I don’t know what to do.
Smile? Wave him over to me? Make the announcement now? I don’t know if announcing it is even the right thing to do anymore.
After seeing Charlotte and George tonight, I was forced to face the harsh reality that I’d been holding on to some false hope about love and relationships. Had I jumped in headfirst with Wickham because I was desperate? Did that blind me to his flaws at first?
Had I tricked myself into thinking I could pretend with Will just to save face with Billie, George, and my family? My thoughts swirl like the fire and smoke twisting together in the air.
“Are we going to talk about this or not?” Nic asks, leaning over to whisper the words to me.
Jane leans closer too, and the three of us look at each other.
“I don’t know if I made the right choice,” I say slowly, keeping my voice low.
“And what choice was that?” Jane asks, her voice just as quiet.
“Will, I guess,” I say, sighing as I cover my eyes so I don’t have to watch him watching me from across the fire.
“Why didn’t you tell us before?” Jane asks.
“How long has this been going on, Liz?” Nic asks.
“It’s new, and it’s complicated.” Those are the only words I can bring myself to say as I uncover my eyes.
“Are you okay?” Jane asks, looking at me intently.
“I honestly don’t know. There’s a lot going on.
The cafe is changing. Will and I are business partners now.
We’re running the cafe together. We’re kind of dating, and I didn’t know how to tell you both, so I didn’t say anything.
And now I feel compelled to explain, which is only making me sound insane, so please don’t ask me any more questions. ”
“I think you need to take your own advice,” Nic says, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“She’s right, Lizzie,” Jane agrees.
“In the fall, you told me that I was self-sabotaging my relationship with Jay. And you were right. I was. I was self-sabotaging in so many areas of my life, and not giving myself enough grace to be the woman God made me to be.”
“I didn’t say all that, and I know I didn’t say it like that,” I say, trying to remember what I actually said.
“That was close enough,” Nic says with a smile.
“And I took your advice. I’m not saying you have to explain everything to us right now, and I’m not telling you what to do.
But I think sometimes you show up for everyone else.
You give us advice and coffee and love, but you don’t do the same for yourself. ”
“We love you, and we want you to be happy. So we’re here whenever you’re ready to talk about everything,” Jane says.
“You two really are the best friends ever,” I say, setting my soda can on the ground beside my chair.
“Also, I have to say we called it. You and Will are a cute couple.” Nic reaches across me to high-five Jane.
“He’s not even my type,” I say, rolling my eyes.
But when I look across the fire, Will is looking right at me. The flames dance in his brown eyes, and a warmth spreads through my body that has nothing to do with the fire.
“You keep telling yourself that, kid,” Nic says, teasing me.
“Yeah, you totally said that when we first asked about the two of you, and look where you both ended up,” Jane says matter-of-factly.
“I don’t want to hear any more,” I say, standing up and covering my ears. “I need to get this out of the way.”
I raise my voice over the chatter to get everyone's attention.
“I should officially announce that Will Darcy and I are dating. No questions, comments, or concerns will be taken at this time. Thank you.”
My sister Janet and her husband, Charlie, walk into the backyard through the open gate just as I make my announcement.
“When I heard there was a Darcy in town, I had a feeling it was you,” Charlie says, studying Will for a moment. “Looks like I was right. You were here all this time. Lucky for you, I’ve had to leave town so much lately. Otherwise, I would have spotted you a mile away.”
He tilts his head toward Will, who stands and walks over to him.
They shake hands, but Will’s body language is stiff.
“Oh, right. Will mentioned that you two might know each other,” I say, hugging my sister before greeting her husband.
Will takes a step back.
“Know each other? He was supposed to marry my sister. He left Caroline behind,” Charlie says at the same time Will says, “Our families work together.”