20. Chapter Twenty #2
“I don’t want it to be. I just wanted to have something real.
Something that I could show my parents and prove to them that I’m stable in a new home without them.
That I found a new family, and they can’t take that away.
I thought maybe somehow I’d be able to convince them, with you and with the cafe, that I’m better off without them.
Now I’m back here, and Dad is in the hospital, and my mom... ”
I trail off because my mind drifts back to the hospital when I went to the cafeteria with my mom. It turned out to be closed, so we couldn’t get anything to eat except a few snacks from a vending machine. She cornered me and asked me why I would bring Lizzie home with me.
I tried to defend myself. I told Mom that Lizzie was my new girlfriend and about the life we were building together in Selah Falls with our new friends and the cafe.
Mom had tears in her eyes. She told me that she was happy for me and that she sincerely wanted me to be happy, but that my father needed me here. Her voice broke. Tears fell from her eyes.
I hugged her tight. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t make any promises. Because the fake relationship wasn’t bringing me the peace that I thought it would.
It brought Lizzie closer, but it wasn’t solving my problems. I was beginning to realize that it wouldn’t solve my problems and that I was being a fool, putting up a front for my family just to prove to myself that I was better off away from home.
All of this...only to end up back here because my father was in the hospital and might not recover. Mom told me that part too. There’s a part of me that wonders if she told me that to guilt me into staying and moving back home.
But there’s another part of me that knows she wouldn’t lie about something like this. My father is a difficult man, but she’s always loved him. He’s always been a great provider for our family, and she was the nurturer.
She was also the enabler. The one who allowed him to be harsh because he provided for us. The one who supported his harshness and his will.
And, of course, even as he lies in the hospital fighting for his life, she’s left behind to fight for his legacy. I know that, as the firstborn and his only son, that legacy was always supposed to be passed down to me.
I turn toward the hallway, looking at the staircase that leads up to where my sister had gone up to her suite. I know she’s been working so hard. She actually enjoys working in the family business, and she’s one of the top realtors at the company.
I also know Dad never looked at her as the one who was next in line to take over. He’s been waiting for her to get married. I know he and Mom are pressuring her to consider the options they have picked out for her.
They have said before that if she marries someone they pick, and if I do not take over the company, Georgiana’s husband can become the next CEO. But she can’t. The small-mindedness they cling too is another reason I was happy to get away from here.
But as I look toward the staircase where my sister has gone to bed, knowing this day has been hard on all of us, I also feel bad because she’s the one who stayed. She may be the younger sibling, but she’s still a young woman who put her life on hold to live the life my parents carved out for her.
She is the best at what she does. And they’re still waiting for her to get married. They put all their hope into me, and I failed.
Guilt. It weighs on me. And I realize it’s been plaguing me a lot lately. Secrets. Lies. It’s all going to come to the surface. It’s all going to come into the light. Or it should.
“Hey.” Lizzie places her hand on my arm, making me focus on her.
“I know this has been a hard day for you. We don’t have to talk about what the future brings right now.
I know it’s a bit wild for both of us. This is new for us.
But I also know that you made me put on an apron at midnight, so if you’re going to keep me up, then you have to tell me what we’re making. ”
I smile at her and talk through the plan I have for the Lizzie’s favorites menu that I’ve been working on.
Things have gotten sort of busy in life and at the cafe, so I hadn’t gotten a chance to spend as much time on it as I wanted to.
But I have her here now, and I’ve done enough planning and testing that I’m ready to make the menu for her so she can taste it and approve.
When I finish explaining it to her, looking through my parents’ elaborate pantry and fridge and finding everything I need, she’s beaming. And it makes me happy to see her happy.
“I didn’t know you were working on a special menu for me,” she says, placing a hand over her heart.
“Well, you did tell me to create a new menu for the rest of summer, and I wanted to do something special for you. So I started prepping some of your favorites that I’ve noticed you like since I started working at the cafe.
And I thought, with a little bit of a twist, the menu could really come to life and probably bring some new favorites to the town. What do you think?”
“I’m impressed. You actually remember what I like.”
“I’ve been paying attention,” I say, preheating the oven and pulling out mixers and pans we can use for baking.
“Clearly,” she says, watching me prepare the pastry. “I have a confession to make.”
I turn to face her.
“And what’s that?”
“I’ve been paying attention too. I kind of like watching you bake.
When you’re in the kitchen, you’re just sort of in your own little zone, and I like watching you move around and how particular you are about everything.
But it’s not in a crazy kind of way. You’re the kind of baker who isn’t mean in the kitchen.
When I’m in the kitchen with you, you’re kind and very patient.
But you’re also so focused, and I just like seeing you focus on something that you love. ”
And there she goes, giving me a compliment. Straight from our contract. But as real and genuine as ever.
“You mean that?” I ask her.
“Why would I fake a compliment, Darcy?” she asks playfully.
“Are you back to calling me Darcy now?”
“Why would you prefer me to call you Willy?” She laughs, and I reach for her, but she steps away, dodging my grasp and laughing. “Because I can do that. I think that’s the perfect new thing for you. I can’t believe I missed that one. I was going about your nickname all wrong.”
“Please don’t ever call me Willy. I had to survive my whole childhood being called that, and my sister only calls me that to make me mad.”
“Well, now I have to call you that because I love getting under your skin, as you know, Willy.”
I reach for her again. This time I catch her as she tries to run away. She has her back turned to me, and I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her backward. We’re both laughing, but as our laughter dies down and she turns to face me, we’re both breathing deeply.
I say, “I like hearing you say my name.”
“Which one?” she asks, breathless. “Darcy? Willy? Will?”
“All of the above. But hearing you call my name just does something to me.”
“You think I’m going to let you off that easily? You kind of have to tell me exactly how it makes you feel.” Lizzie dares me, and that look in her eye is dangerous.
“You want to know how you make me feel?”
“Yes,” she says, not backing down. “If you could describe how I make you feel in only one word, which would you choose?”
I think long and hard because that seems impossible.
Then I remember a word that almost stumped me this week during Word Search Wednesdays with the guys.
It was a word you don’t hear very often. A word that feels like it’s straight out of a classic novel.
The word was ardently.
That’s the word that pops into my mind now. Because when I think of Lizzie Bennet, a normal word wouldn’t suffice. My feelings for her are intense. Passionate. Like a conviction that’s been inside me all along, even when I tried to deny it.
“Ardently,” I say to her.
“What?” she asks, puzzled.
“I love you most ardently, Lizzie Bennet.”
I almost expect her to pull away from me. To tell me I’ve said too much too fast. But I say the words because I know they’re true.
I’ve loved her since the moment I met her, and I can’t deny it anymore.
“Most ardently?” she asks, looking at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes.
“Most ardently,” I say, confirming it. “I feel like I’ve been hiding my feelings for a while because we said we wouldn’t cross that line, but I can’t hide them anymore.
I can’t pretend that I don’t care for you, Lizzie.
I want to protect you, to hang out with you, to work with you, and to love you, if you’ll let me. ”
“I guess you can say that I’m ardently yours.”
Her words are perfect. Cheeky. They seal the deal for me. And there we go, kissing again. But this time...she’s all mine for real.