Chapter Forty
Brooklyn
“Merry Christmas.” He’s standing at the bottom of the steps. I’m not sure if he’s waiting for me or if this is just a coincidence.
“Merry Christmas. Nice pajamas.” I smile as I look at his outfit. Christmas llama pants and matching top.
He looks down. “Will gave them to me. He said they were required.”
I wave my hand in front of my matching pair. “They are.”
“Why llamas? I noticed all of you have been wearing Christmas llama stuff all week.”
I smirk. “I can’t tell. It’s an inside joke.”
His brows arch. “I didn’t really care before, but now I’m really curious.”
I start to walk toward the kitchen. He’s trailing behind me.
“I can’t tell you.” I turn my head to look at him over my shoulder. “I’m really good at keeping secrets.”
“Is that right?”
He has no idea.
We’re almost to the kitchen when a wave of nausea hits me.
“Great,” I mutter. I’m trying unsuccessfully just to breathe through my mouth.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Oh, it just smells like bacon in here, and I’m not eating meat right now.” It doesn’t just smell like bacon to me. It smells like we’re swimming in a pool of bacon grease while floating on bacon strips. My stomach turns.
“Be right back.” I call over my shoulder as I head to the bathroom to throw up. Thankfully, he’s not waiting right outside the door this time when I come out.
“Merry Christmas!” Juno calls when she sees me walk into the kitchen.
I smile and look around. Everyone is packed together, wearing their matching pajamas.
I love Christmas. I love being with all of them every year at the cabin.
I love...oh, god, I have to stop, or I’m going to start bawling like a baby. I blink back tears.
Pull it together.
Zadie walks over to me with a plate and whispers. “I made you some plain pancakes. Think you can eat them?”
“I’ll try.” I take the plate and find a place to sit. By some Christmas miracle, the pancakes go down fine and seem to settle my stomach.
James calls everyone into the living room.
When I walk into the room, my jaw drops.
It’s like Santa’s workshop has exploded in here.
I don’t know why I’m surprised - he does this every year, but somehow he manages to top himself year after year.
James takes his role as Santa very seriously.
I walk over to him and give him a hug. Things have been tense between us this year, but I love him more than words can express, and I need him to know it.
“What’s this for?” he says, pulling back. He looks worried.
“Nothing. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.”
He smiles and kisses my cheek. “I love you too.”
I catch Kip watching us out of the corner of my eye, but I cut my eyes away quickly and instead busy myself passing out stockings and gifts.
Vivi is buzzing around with MarryMe at their heels, drunk on excitement. It’s a joy to watch her squeal with delight as she opens gifts. I catch a glimpse of Kip in the corner. There’s a warm smile spread across his face as he watches the scene unfold.
After what feels like hours of opening gifts, we eat lunch and then crash on the couches, everyone still in their pajamas.
Someone puts on Elf and a few people start a quiet game of dominoes in the corner.
Snow falls outside. I notice Kip slip onto the porch, and I decide to follow him.
I pull on my boots and coat and step outside.
He’s standing on the porch, hands on the rails, looking out over the winter wonderland below.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I take my place beside him. The mountains tower in the background, snow covered trees stand in front.
He inhales slowly. “Yeah. It is.”
There’s a brightness in my heart, and I realize I’m glad he’s here. My anger toward him has thawed over the last few days.
“What do you normally do for Christmas?” I ask. I place my hands on the railing, our pinkies are nearly touching.
He snorts. “Not much the last few years.”
“Are you alone?”
“Me and Blue.”
The brightness in my chest dims as I think about him all alone on Christmas, how I almost sent him away to spend Christmas alone.
“Things were different before Mom died.” He’s still staring straight ahead.
I slide my hand over just an inch until it brushes up against his. He looks down. I lean toward him until our shoulders touch. His breathing hitches as soon as he feels me against his arm.
Before I can think this through, I move toward him.
I don’t want to think this through. I don’t want to consider how stupid I’m being.
I raise my hand to his face. He turns his head to look at me, and I kiss him before I lose the courage.
He jerks back a little, he’s so taken by surprise, but soon both his hands are on me.
One cupping the back of my head pulling me deeper into the kiss.
There’s a stirring in my core, heat growing between my legs.
I want to stumble back inside and drag him down to the basement right now.
He pulls back, breaking the kiss. I’m panting with desire and anticipation. I just lock eyes with him. Both of our chests rising and falling in unison.
“We...we need to talk about everything,” he says, his gaze drifting to my lips and then jerking back up to my eyes. I know he wants me despite what he’s saying. There’s a fire in his eyes right now that doesn’t match the tone of his voice.
“We really need to talk,” he repeats.
“Kip...” I sigh. “I really don’t want to.”
He takes a step back from me. “It’s Christmas. It’s not time, but soon. We need to talk soon.”
I’m about to reach for him again when he takes another step back and then slips into the door without another word.
My eyes follow him all afternoon. I can still feel his lips on mine, his tongue in my mouth.
I’m tingling all over remembering his touch, the pull of his body.
He’s avoiding me now, and I’m like a magnet getting sucked toward him.
My body aches for him, my willpower nonexistent.
I can’t focus on anything else, but the desire that’s overwhelming me.
The rest of the day passes in a blur. My eyes stay glued to him. After dinner, we all settle into the living room by the fireplace. No games tonight, just stories and memories. I’m curled up next to Juno, but I want to be curled up next to Kip.
I’m watching him across the room. The light from the fireplace is dancing across his face. I’ve never been more attracted to anyone in my whole life. When he excuses himself for the evening, my eyes linger on him as he leaves the room.
“My thoughts exactly,” Juno says, following my gaze.
I blush.
“I’m not sure why you aren’t together, but it must be something big because damn, that’s a beautiful man.”
“Well, attraction isn’t everything.”
“He seems like a nice guy too,” she says.
I don’t answer.
After about thirty minutes, I say goodnight to everyone and head up to my room. I shut the door, but don’t take my hand off the handle.
No, Brooklyn, no, don’t do it.
I pull the door back open.
This is a terrible idea.
I tiptoe back downstairs.
Really, this is the worst idea ever.
I slowly descend the stairs to the basement.
I couldn’t stop this if I tried at this point. He’s a magnet pulling me toward him.
I stop in front of his door and take a deep breath. He might be asleep already.
Run. Now is your chance. Go now. He’ll never know you were here.
I’m debating what to do next when the door opens. Confusion floods Kip’s face.
He’s looking around behind me.
“I heard some noise out here. Everything okay?” he asks.
He probably thinks the house is on fire or something.
I swallow and just stare at him.
“Brooklyn, you okay?” His brows are pinched.
I bite my bottom lip.
“I need you to do something for me.”
He stands up a little straighter. “Sure. What do you need?”
I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe I’m about to say this.
“I need you to fuck me.”