Chapter 14 #3
“Mhm, but first, let’s get out of this shower before our fingers get all prune-y.”
Paige turns off the water, and Remi pushes open the door, grabbing a towel for Paige, then herself.
“Hey, I wanted to thank you again for helping me confront my fears today,” Paige says as she dries off her back. “I never could’ve done that without you.”
“Of course.” Remi kisses Paige’s temple. “But that was all you. You are such a badass, Paige, and capable of more than you give yourself credit for.”
Paige ducks her head, grinning. Then she bends to grab their bundle of clothes, as Remi finishes drying off her arms.
“Oh there’s the mystery tattoo,” Paige says.
Remi frowns. “What mystery tattoo?”
“On your foot.” She points at the numbers scrawled across the side of Remi’s right foot. “I remember you said you had one there, but you’re always in socks, so I’ve never seen it.”
Her cheeks warm. It’s true she is always wearing socks. When she leaves the house. To bed. During sex. So much so that she can play a trick on her mind where she completely forgets about the ink she got when she was nineteen.
“What happened on October twenty-fifth?” Paige asks.
Remi’s mind flashes to the day. Anna and she dressed up as Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable. Remi was already dressing masculine by that point and had her first short haircut, but Anna thought it would be fun to gender bend.
They styled their own outfits and got Party City wigs. Long auburn hair for Remi and a short blonde bob for Anna. Elena and her girlfriend dressed as Shego and Dr. Drakken. Everyone complimented their matching couples costumes all night.
“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry,” Paige says, pulling Remi from her thoughts. “I didn’t mean—shit.”
“Why’re you apologizing?” Remi asks, genuinely confused.
“Isn’t that the day Anna passed?”
“Oh. No. I don’t need any help remembering that day.”
It’s the worst day of her life and her biggest regret. She’d do anything to go back and do it all differently.
Anna would still be alive.
“Oh. Okay.” Paige still looks unsure. “Well, you don’t have to tell me. I didn’t mean to be nosy.”
“You’re not nosy.” Remi gives her a reassuring smile before drying off her hair, allowing the towel to fall forward and obscure her face. “The tattoo is for Anna though. I’m … I’m sorry for being so weird.”
Remi moves the towel low enough to get a look at Paige. Her beautiful brown eyes are patient as she listens.
“I’ve um … kind of had a lot of bad experiences with past partners being … uncomfortable or reacting poorly when anything about her comes up,” Remi explains. “So, I guess, I’ve learned to become really private about it.”
“I’m sorry people have been crappy about it,” Paige says and squeezes her arm. “But, Remi, you can talk to me about her. I know she was an important person in your life, and I want you to be able to talk about her. If you want?”
Emotion is thick in Remi’s throat. She gives Paige a small, grateful smile, then looks down at her foot. She twists it to see the numbers scrawled across the side.
10-25-2014
“October twenty-fifth is the day Anna and I told each other ‘I love you’ for the first time.” Remi looks up at Paige and drops the towel in front of her body.
“Junior year Elena threw a costume party. It felt like the whole school was crammed into her parents’ living room.
I don’t know who was playing DJ, but their playlist was incredible.
It was hit after hit, and Anna and I spent half the night dancing. ”
Remi smiles, remembering the way Anna’s hair stuck to her forehead with sweat. Her Ron costume was so unlike her usual style, but she sold the goofy vibe, making everyone around her laugh.
“It was getting too hot with all the bodies packed inside,” Remi says. “So Anna wanted to go out into the backyard. Elena lived on a lake, so we walked down to the dock and looked at the stars. It was quiet, only frogs croaking and the occasional splash from the water.”
Remi pauses. Her mind travels back to that moment, the feeling of Anna’s warm body next to hers on the hard, weathered wood of the dock.
“I realized then as we were laying there, holding hands, in perfect, comfortable silence that it didn’t matter what we did.
I never felt happier than when I was with her.
So I told her I loved her. We hadn’t been dating that long, so I didn’t think she’d say it back, but”—Remi meets Paige’s eye with a crooked half smile—“she did.”
Paige grins. The sight makes Remi’s chest warm.
“And that was that. I got this tattoo a couple months after she passed. I didn’t want to remember her for only the end, but the life we shared before that.”
And because Remi’s therapist thought it would be a good step in helping her learn to forgive herself. Only, it’s been twelve years, and she still hasn’t managed that.
“That’s a beautiful story,” Paige says softly. “Thank you for telling me.”
Remi swallows. “Thank you for listening.”
Paige steps toward Remi and wraps her arms around her. Remi returns her hug and they stand like that, holding each other, for a long time.