Chapter 2 #3
“Besides, you’ve been so busy at the arcade, making your videos, and spending time at Wyldewood—he’s filling a void. He’s just another warm body to help me forget.”
“Then what’s Hunter?”
“A mistake. A sacrifice.” I looked her dead in the eye. “Take your pick. I don’t know. You tell me.”
“Girls, girls… keep your emotions focused.” Ruby held a wooden bowl while Clover scooped the mixture over the ice inside, which hissed and melted on contact.
“I’m not upset, honey. I just don’t want you getting hurt again.”
“If I get hurt… I deserved it.” I snatched the bowl from Ruby. The mixture was shockingly cold, a thick, herbal slush. I dipped my hand in and spread it over my body, the cold raising goosebumps over every inch it touched.
“Derek knows my history. He’s helping me in ways Hunter can’t.”
Katie’s hands, cool and slick, smeared the mixture across my back and to the places I couldn’t reach. Her touch was efficient, rubbing it into my skin until I was a tacky, shivering mess, smelling of sage and something coppery underneath.
“Don’t forget inside, dear.” Clover pointed, her gaze direct and unembarrassed.
I grumbled, a low sound of protest, but my fingers were already moving, scooping the icy sludge and pushing it inside. The cold was a sharp, invasive shock. I worked my fingers until I was certain it was all in. “We good?” I asked, my voice flat.
“Yes. Gather round.” Clover swept her hand toward the fire.
The four of us gathered around the fire, holding hands, the heat of the flames a welcome contrast to the chill on my skin. We swayed as Ruby recited her spell, our movements falling into a single rhythm.
“Four corners of the world, hear our call.
Black as night, no fear to stall.
Unbind this girl from fascination’s hold.
Make their attraction return to lovers of old.
No pain. No possession.
Make their love an unobsession.”
As she spoke the last word, the fire dimmed, then roared back to life, casting long dancing shadows across the yard, and a silence fell.
It was done.
Back at the manor, I slipped my boots off and stepped onto the porch, the frost hitting the soles of my feet. The cool release from the bitterness that had grabbed hold of my deepest thoughts was welcome as I snuck back into the manor.
Katie was right. It was never going to work if I didn’t really want it to.
I did… but at the same time… I didn’t.
The hardest part was knowing I could just make a life with Hunter. We could actually be happy. I wouldn’t have to worry about betrayal, or him leaving, or the pain that came with either… And he'd have a girlfriend who did whatever he wanted. But did he actually want that?
The house was warm, but I still threw another log on the fire. The light glow of the flames under the mantel flickered across the wood floor, illuminating my path to the stairwell.
I wanted the night to be over. I wanted to go to sleep and either never wake up or wake up next to a man who loved me on his own terms.
Another ritual… another failure, circled my mind until the only word that stuck was failure.
Each step up the stairs became heavy with grief and regret until I could barely lift my feet. I stood at the top contemplating. I could either turn right and snuggle into the man I conjured for comfort or turn left and ignore it all.
But it wasn’t in my nature to ignore it.
It was, however, in my nature to analyze it to death.
Constantly comparing Hunter to Graham, their similarities, their differences.
I couldn’t just be in the goddamn relationship I fabricated.
I had to pick it apart until the only things left were the lies I kept telling myself, the lies I wanted so desperately to replace my reality.
The ones that rotted beneath the surface, writhing with anticipation, waiting to spill the truth.
Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe that would break the curse. I hadn’t tried that one yet… being honest. Maybe tomorrow, because tonight… the moon hung low.
Low enough that if I could concentrate my energy, I could probably pull it down and let it smother me.
Punish me and release those bound to me.
That was the whole, heavy reality of everything.
This wasn’t just about Hunter. This was about those that came before him.
Poor Jamie, barely new to adulthood. So much potential wasted away, doomed to suffer a life of obsession because I had a need and I didn’t care the damage it would cause by fulfilling it.
What about the others? Carelessly ripped away from their lives, families, jobs… all because I was too afraid to try.
For fuck’s sake—just the thought of my behavior made me sick.
I padded across the bathroom after locking the door securely behind me and sat on the edge of the claw-foot tub. With trembling hands, I turned the water on, the splash against the porcelain loud in the silence until the tub was almost full.
Then I slid in, my white linen dress floated around me like a second skin until the fabric grew heavy and pulled under. Lost to the emptiness inside, I let the water run, flowing over the edge, spilling to the floor.
Then with a deep breath, I pulled myself under.
If I stayed there long enough, under the weight of it all, maybe I’d forget to come up… forget I needed air. Or maybe if I took in enough water, I’d solve it faster… maybe by some quick turn of fate I’d free Hunter… all the others. Maybe… just maybe…
But I couldn’t.
I rose above the surface with an audible gasp of air. I clutched the side of the tub, the cool air hitting my cheeks like death itself had spat me back out.
Gripping the curled edge of the tub, my fingers touched the steel of the last of my blades. The last spot Derek never suspected.
Using my big toe, I shut the water off.
God, why was I this stupid? I let my life fall apart for a man who said he wanted me then bailed. Who fucking cares? Fuck him. Graham made his decision. He didn’t want me. No one did, unless I cursed them into it.