Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
BLAIR
I jolt awake when the sound of my name being said on repeat fills my subconscious. The clanging of chains that aren’t my own have me sitting up too fast, making me dizzy. My vision is spotty as white dots pace in front of me. Trying to see through them, my breathing halts as my eyes attempt to focus on the figure in the room and I see Emmett .
That can't be him.
He wouldn't be here.
It's been days with barely any water or food, I must be seeing things. I was drugged. The effects must have not worn off. His blurry form comes closer to me, dropping to its knees and reaching a hand out. Trying to touch me. I'm flinching away as my hallucination speaks. “ Little obsession?”
Fuck . I'm going fucking crazy.
My mind is making its own torture to replace the true horrors I’m living. My hallucination continues talking and I can't take it. I can see its lips moving but with the force of my heart thumping against my chest cavity, I can’t hear it anymore. I sit up and scoot as far back as I can, pulling my knees up to my chest.
Covering my ears with my hands I start chanting, trying to drown out the voices.
“ No , no, no, no! It's not real, he’s not real.” I'm rocking in place as tears start to roll down my cheeks. I wish he was here. I wish this were real. My safe space in my mind no longer feels safe with the tricks it's playing on me.
I wish the safety he brought me could calm the panic currently lacing my skin. The real Emmett won't want me anymore once he knows what I've been through. He’ll think I'm dirty and used. He wouldn't be here to save me. It's not real.
He’s . Not . Real .
“ He’s not real, he's not real, he's not real.” I keep trying to shake away the hallucination I'm having by reminding myself of the truth until I feel a hand wrapping around my wrist. Startled by the soft touch, I scream at the top of my lungs, the action causing my voice to crack.
“ Blair , baby, it's me. Please , please calm down.” He won't let go. Why won't he let go? He needs to let go of me.
Fuck , this is not good.
It all feels too real. Maybe I'm dying?
“ Oh my god, I must be dying. Fuck . I can't be. I can’t die. No , no, no!” My rocking intensifies and I rip my arm away from the image my imagination has made up. Wrapping my arms around myself, I squeeze my eyes shut .
“ Make it stop. Make it stop. Please . Please , make it go away.” Strained sobs rack my body and I try to find comfort in my own hold.
“ Little obsession, I'm right here. Please , stop crying. Please look at me.” His voice comes in a whisper.
I slightly open my eyes and look to see if he’s still there. He is.
Fuck . This is bad. Removing my hands, I lift my palm and hit myself on the head, trying to clear my brain of whatever the fuck is running through it to make me see Emmett .
“ GO AWAY !”
I keep hitting my head while chanting “ Go away, go away, go away!” Tears stream down my face making my vision blur. It's hard to see him now. Maybe it’s the tears, or the pain in my head, I don't know. My wrists are grabbed in mid-air and forced down. A shriek gets stuck in my throat as lips press to mine. My mind short circuits for a moment, not catching up to what’s happening until he’s pulling away.
“ I'm real, Blair . I'm right here.” He releases my wrist and drags a soft knuckle down my cheek. “ Please , please listen to me. I’m here, little obsession. I’m here.” I start shaking my head, my hair moving with the movements and sticking to my wet cheeks.
“ No . Please don’t lie to me. Please don’t lie to me. No . P -please. Please . Please .”
I'm still repeating my pleas as I’m pulled into his body. My head is pressed to his chest, the sound of his heart pumping like a steady drum. “ Come back to me, little obsession.” He whispers. Holding my head to his chest. Forcing me to listen.
“ P -please, please. Please d-don’t lie.” My heart starts to beat faster listening to the steady rhythm of his. The feeling of his body under the palms of my hands brings reality back to me. Oh my fucking god. He’s here.
Emmett is here.
Emmett is really here .
Why is he here?
Pulling my head back from his chest and looking at his concerned eyes, I whisper, “ Emmett ? Why are you here? How are you here?” I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that he’s holding me. Oh my god, he’s here with me. That means he's trapped too.
Fuck .
Panic starts to creep in. He’s trapped here with me. He shouldn't be here.
“ No , no. No . Emmett , you shouldn’t be here.”
“ Listen baby, I need you to stay strong. Okay ? You’re so brave. Keep being brave for just a little while longer. We're gonna get out of here. I’ll figure a way out. I'll protect you, my little obsession. I will always protect you.” He rasps out, his thumb swiping under my eyes. His deep greens are murkier and full of the promise of revenge.
Clearing his throat he cups my head and brings it to him, planting a soft kiss to the crown of my head. His eyes skitter down, looking at my exposed flesh. I forgot I was naked. I'm covering myself with the blanket before he can see the damage that’s been inflicted on my body. Thankfully he can't see the damage that's been inflicted onto my soul.
“ Blair .'' His voice has dropped to a level I've never heard before. The voice is cold and deadly. “ Turn around for me, baby.” It's strange to hear sweet words in such a detached tone. Wincin g , I try to turn but my body can only move so far. The pain of the motion trickles over my skin, and I let out a pained whimper.
“ Shhh , it's okay baby. Don’t move anymore. Just sit still for me now, okay?” I look into his eyes while slightly nodding. I watch as his eyes flicker from my back to my face, then between my legs. I can see the barely contained anger bubbling under his skin. Next thing I know, he’s lifting off his shirt. Ripping a part of the bottom off with his teeth he sets it aside then looks back at me.
“ I need you to lift your arms for me.” Doing as he asked, I lift my arms. The pain shoots down my spine with the movement once again. He quickly but cautiously pulls his shirt over my head, careful not to touch the open wounds along my back.
Lifting the piece of fabric he had ripped, he looks into my eyes while saying “ I'm going to use this to clean you up. Is it okay if I touch you?” The pain in his voice takes me by surprise, almost as if he knows how I'm feeling. But that can’t be right. I don’t want him to look. If he looks, he’ll know. There is so much affection shining in his gaze and I cave.
Giving him a slight nod, he releases a puff of air. “ Okay baby, I'll be gentle, I promise. It might hurt but I'll do my best not to harm you, okay?” He leans forward and with gentle hands, he starts to spread my legs open. Panic starts bubbling in my throat and my breathing picks up. Emmett seems to notice it instantly and starts speaking, “ I won't hurt you, Blair . I'd put myself six feet under before ever hurting you. Please believe me.”
“ I do. I do believe you, Emmett .” The words seem to shake the same way my body is .
Slowly , he reaches down and begins to rub the dried blood off from between my thighs. Something inside of my heart snaps at the sight of it. Rotating the cloth and wetting a piece with his spit, careful to not rub my skin too hard, he continues this action, cleaning me with himself. Ridding me of the evidence of my time here. Of the pain that will remain on my soul long after the blood has been washed.
When he’s done, he leans back, analyzing me. His eyes bounce between mine searching for some kind of answer. To what, I don't know. I think he finds whatever he was looking for because he lets out a deep breath and leans against the wall near me. Close enough to offer comfort, not close enough to be touching me. Again , it's almost like he knows the suffering inside of me.
“ Blair , baby. Do you want to talk about it?” His voice cracks as the words float between us. He knows. I'm so stupid. Of course, he could fucking tell. He saw the blood coating my skin, the slashes across my back. Fuck .
Why ?
Looking over at him, the feelings of safety wash over me, attempting to tamper down the pain and panic that is currently consuming me. The affection and understanding swirling in his irises makes my bottom lip start to wobble as a soul crushing sob releases from between them. I can’t stop them as the words tumble out of me.
“ I was so scared, Emmett . I was walking on campus and then the next thing I knew, I was in some kind of room. The men there, t-they beat me and-” I try to suck in a gulp of air and keep going, “ I - I was pregnant. I'm so sorry. I'm so s-sorry.” My eyes start stinging as fresh tears track down my face. The salty substance burns the cuts on my fingers as I swipe them away.
“ Lorenzo , h-he,” Fuck , I can’t breathe. “ H -he,” I try to gulp in air but the panic in my body rises and chokes me, making it impossible to take a breath. My frantic hands come up and clutch at my neck. “ I - I can’t, H -he, I can’t-t,” I stutter. The air must have gone thinner because I can’t seem to get a big enough gulp of oxygen down.
Hands cup my face and direct my spiraling thoughts to pay attention to the one holding me. “ I need you to calm down and take a breath, Blair . Breathe with me, baby. Big breath in.” He motions taking a deep breath and urges me to mimic him. “ Good , now let it out.” I blow out shakily, trying to do as he says. He places a hand to my neck, his thumb swiping over my thumping pulse.
“ Again , little obsession. Breathe in. Good . Now out. That's it baby, you’re doing so good. My brave girl.” He murmurs, his thumb continuing the steady pace along my frantic pulse. He continues to show me how to breathe, trying to help me take in some much needed air. Pulling me to his chest, he embraces me. The rhythm of his thumb never wavering.
When the last of my tears have finally dried and the soothing rhythm of his heart brings me peace, I speak again. “ I’ll understand.” I say, “ I'll understand if you think I'm dirty and no longer want me. I wouldn't want me either,” I choke out. He stiffens under me. Fuck , I knew it. I knew he wouldn't want me anymore. God , I’m so fucking-
“ The first time was when I was 8, '' he whispers. Now I stiffen. What is he talking about? “ The first time I was 8, but it went on for years.” He takes a deep breath, the motion moving my head with his chest. His heartbeat picks up and he continues talking. I don't dare say anything in the fear that he’ll stop.
“ It started just after my mother died. My father’s friends came around more often. I always felt uneasy in their presence. Like my young mind was trying to protect me from the predators lurking but it didn't matter.” He pauses, taking another breath.
“ The first time was when I had been sitting in my mother’s studio, looking at her paintings. One of my dad’s friends had come in and sat down to talk with me. It was normal at first. Checking in on me, seeing how I was handling her death. I didn’t realize something was wrong until he had placed his hand on my thigh and started caressing it. I knew it was wrong,” he says, his voice strained, but he continues.
“ That was how it started. Touches that lingered too long. Eventually , it escalated. I would beg him to stop. I would cry and beg, but it didn't matter. He would smack me or threaten me. H -he would touch me, and make me touch him. He would force me to do it until he would finish. After that, he would make m-me, fuck, he would keep touching me until I would-” He chokes, his heart pounding against my cheek.
“ I was so fucking scared, Blair . At first, I didn’t understand. I thought he was trying to comfort me. He was an adult and my father’s friend. It wasn’t until I spoke up to him that he told me he’d kill my father if I told anyone. I had just lost my mom and as much as I hated him, I couldn't lose my dad too. I couldn't.” Peering up, his eyes are closed and his head is tilted back.
“ By age ten, I had been assaulted by three men. One of them took mo re than the others. Took advantage of my pain more than them. Took my vulnerability and used it for his own sick pleasure. James was away on a business trip, and I was home alone for the weekend. He told me one of his associates would come by and check up on me while he was gone.” He swallows.
“ His name was Roy . He was the only one to actually force himself on me. When he came by that weekend, I happened to be in the shower. Back in my room, I was getting dressed when he busted through my door. I was still half-naked and his eyes lingered over my skin a minute too long to play it off as simple concern. He said my dad told him there was an emergency and needed him to spend the night with me for…safety reasons. I’m not sure if he slipped something in the glass of water I had before bed, but I woke up, unable to move. I found myself splayed and laid out on the bed. I had no strength and was forced to watch him rape me. Every time I closed my eyes, he would smack me, demanding me to keep my eyes on him. He got off on my pain and my fear.”
I feel the puff of air as he exhales a deep breath. “ So no, little obsession. You aren't ruined. You are not filthy, or broken. You are mine. I will take all of your shattered bits and put them back together. I will give you parts of myself to fill the cracks in your empty pieces. I will nourish your soul until it feels whole again.”
My chest cavity rattles as my heart pumps beneath it. He understands it. He understands everything. In this moment, I can’t imagine anyone who would be better for me, my well-being, and my life. I’m his and he is mine. Together , we will heal the broken bits of one another and come out stronger than before. “ I’m so sorry, Emmett ,” I whisper. Tears line my cheeks for the little boy who deserved better, for the broken man trying to heal me by giving me his shattered pieces, hoping they’ll fit where mine have cracked.
He clears his throat once more then speaks. “ James was behind everything. The disappearances on campus, you getting taken, all of it.” Chills pepper my skin as he continues, “ I had to watch as they sold you, Blair . I tried to get to you. I’ve been fighting day and night to get to you. I’m so sorry it took me so long.”
Looking at him, I lean forward and place a soft kiss on his cheek. It’s not much, and I can't find the words to express my gratitude, but it's all I can give him right now. He gives me a soft smile, brushing my hair behind my ear. I shift in my position and lay down, placing my head on his thigh while he continues to sit against the wall.
A few minutes pass and no words are exchanged, just the comfort of being near each other is enough to put me at ease. The promise of safety wrapping me in a blanket of hope.
For a moment, I can almost pretend.
Pretend that we aren't locked and chained to the walls of this basement.
Pretend we don't have similar scars littering our hearts.
Pretend that everything was back to how it should be.
His voice starts to drift away as sleep threatens to once again pull me under. “ Blair ?” He whispers.
“ Hmm ?” I mumble in my fading state.
“ They say that after someone dies, the human brain can live on for seven minutes, and that in those seven minutes are their best memories.” I try to pay attention but the warmth of his body and the feeling of him rubbing my hair drags me even deeper. I think I catch his last words before sleep fully consumes me.
“ My seven minutes would be full of you, my little obsession.”