Chapter 10
ten
LIV
I managed a solid two hours of sleep after a quick swim, before my magic forced me out of bed again.
I stumbled off the mattress thanks to a stabbing headache that felt like a nail in my brain as I sucked in deep, panicked breaths—and I tripped over a big, furry beast who had been curled up beside my bed on a blanket I'd spread out for him.
I hadn't bothered arguing when he said he was sleeping on the floor of my room to keep an eye on me.
He'd called it our room.
It still felt that way, more often than not.
Niall managed to shift fast enough to steady me on my feet, and I blinked at the delicious expanse of bare chest in front of me.
Yumm.
The urge to press my body against his was overwhelming. I had absolutely no business wanting him as much as I did.
My hand lifted to my head, and I winced at the intense stab of pain.
"I forgot about the headaches that come with the cider." His voice was heavy with sleep.
"Me too."
I managed a few steps away from Niall before I had to catch myself on the nearest wall to stay upright, the stabbing behind my eyes absolutely unreal.
The pain was so intense I couldn't stop myself from moaning. "I fucked up."
"You'll make it." Niall pulled my arm over his shoulder and walked me down the hallway. He was pretty much dragging me. "I'll get the electrolytes when you're in the hot tub."
I mumbled something that I hoped sounded like a thank you.
He deposited me in the blissfully-warm water, oversized sleep t-shirt and all. I slept in his shirts when we were together, and the habit stuck. He had always liked that it made me smell like him.
I'd found one of his t-shirts in a laundry basket a few days after he left, and it was the only thing I'd slept in since then. I told myself it was just comfortable, but I knew it was more than that.
When Niall came back with three of my water bottles and wordlessly slipped into the hot tub with me, I took the one he handed me and didn't comment on his nudity.
Or his straining erection.
He left a few feet of space between us when he sat down, his arms spreading over the ledge that ran behind our shoulders. His eyes closed immediately, his body relaxed.
I ignored my raging headache as I drained the first water bottle, then grabbed the second one.
When that one was gone too, I started bouncing my toes on the floor of the hot tub. It hurt, but the pain was better than the jittery anxiety.
My headache had eased to an annoyance rather than a stabbing pain, thanks to the electrolytes Niall knew would help.
I was going to have to start swimming laps soon, though, which was going to make the headache worse again.
My gaze flicked back to Niall, who looked completely and thoroughly at ease. I envied that, the way I always had.
The ability to be so calm. To sleep well. To have full control over yourself, without your magic pushing you into a panic attack.
That's what it would mean for me to have my fated mate.
At least when I was with Niall, we'd kept my magic at bay in a way that was a lot more fun for me. Since we'd been apart, I'd only gotten worse at controlling it.
The man had wrecked me. Thoroughly. I'd enjoyed it too much to regret it, though.
He cracked his eyes open, and found me staring at him.
"Are you thinking about what we would be doing right now, if things had gone differently?" he asked me.
"Of course not." I looked away.
"Liar."
I ignored the remark. There was no real heat behind it anyway.
"I am." Niall sank deeper into the water, resting his head against his bicep. "Really fucking thinking about it."
"We're supposed to be just friends," I grumbled.
"We are friends."
I shot him a dirty look. His eyes were closed, but his lips curved a little, like he could see it.
"I haven't tried to seduce you yet, and I probably could. So don't suggest I'm not playing nice, Livvy."
"You couldn't seduce me."
He lifted an eyebrow without opening his eyes.
I wanted him to try it. To do it.
Screw Jonah.
He was with Gwen—I could have Niall. Just this once. Just until I knew for sure whether or not he and I were soulmates.
"You couldn’t seduce me," I said, knowing that he would act on the challenge.
Knowing that he’d never had to try to seduce me. I always wanted him. Constantly. Endlessly.
Niall opened his eyes again, studying me.
He knew what I was doing.
He knew I was horny, and he knew how much I wanted him, even if I shouldn't. Even if I might be fated to Jonah, who I didn't fucking want.
Even if we were supposed to be just friends.
Finally, he leaned toward me, grabbed my waist, and lifted me.
I was on his lap in a heartbeat, with my back to his chest. He had my wrists pinned in front of me, in one of his hands, just as fast. His breath tickled my ear in a way that made me immediately hot for him.
His erection was massive, pressed against my ass without an ounce of shame.
"You think I want to be your friend?" His fingers brushed my lower belly slowly, and my toes curled in response.
"You think I haven't imagined fucking you in a dozen different ways since I've been here?
You think it doesn't kill me to sit in this hot tub when I could be touching you?
Eating you out? Buried inside you while you come all over my cock?
Tell me you're mine, Livvy. Tell me I can have you. "
"I shouldn't," I whispered.
"Like hell you shouldn't. You've been mine since the first time we were together. You're the only woman in this whole fucking city that I want, and I'm the only male for you. You don't want Jonah. Tell me I can touch you."
I wanted him so badly it hurt.
"Fine," I breathed. "Touch me. Fuck me."
His fingers brushed my clit lightly, and I nearly climaxed from the single touch alone.
I was a fucking livewire, ready to snap at any given moment. He knew it, and for some reason, he loved it.
"You really miss having me in bed, don't you?" He dragged his finger over my clit just lightly enough that I didn't lose it.
"You have no idea," I whispered.
He nipped my ear as he lifted me out of the water with him, then sat down on the ledge. Our feet dangled into the hot tub.
I knew what he was doing. Why he was doing it.
He wanted to feel how wet I was.
He wanted my scent on his skin, and his on mine, too.
When he touched me again, I came. The slickness of my release was all over his fingers as I panted, coming down from the high.
He slid his fingers inside me like he couldn't get enough of it.
He couldn't.
He never had before.
Niall lowered his lips to my throat and dragged his tongue over the battery tattoo there. The one he loved. His fingers stilled, just sitting inside me while my entire body clenched around them.
It wasn't enough.
I needed more. So much more. My energy level was so fiercely high, so horrifically miserable. Running wasn't enough. The cider wasn't enough. Nothing was enough.
"Please fuck me." The words were nearly a whimper. "I need you."
I hated that I'd been reduced to this. This desperate, needy mess of a creature. I had control before—at least sometimes. I had been able to keep myself from spiraling, for the most part.
But losing this man had fucking destroyed me, and I'd handed him the sledgehammer.
"You don't fucking beg me." He bit my throat where the tattoo was, just gently enough not to break the skin.
And he lifted my ass, tilting me forward enough to drag me down over his cock a heartbeat later.
The scream of pleasure that escaped me was a messy, wild sound. My hips bucked, chasing the climax and fighting for more as he worked my clit, swearing and growling as he fought off the release he wanted. His grip on my wrists was iron.
We moved together, our bodies knowing exactly how to get what they wanted and needed from each other as he fucked me.
I came again, and again.
It was hard, and rough, and fast.
Niall fucked me until the electricity in my body finally faded into a manageable degree, my invisible battery full instead of bursting at the seams. Then he finally snarled, filling me with his release, proving that he was mine.
My chest heaved as Niall dragged his teeth over my tattoo while we came down from the high. His cock was still jumping inside me as his pleasure faded, too, and he finally released my wrists.
"That had better be the last time you question my seduction prowess, Livvy," he said against my skin.
I smiled, but it faded quickly as I realized what I'd just done.
I'd screwed my ex, who I was still in love with. While knowing I was probably fated to Jonah.
Oh god.
Niall dragged his fingers through our combined release and lifted it to my lips. I knew I shouldn't, but I wrapped my fingers around them anyway.
This was what I wanted.
He was what I wanted.
He let out a harsh breath in my ear as I sucked the salty taste of us off his skin. My hips arched, and his other hand went back to my clit, slowly dragging me toward another climax.
I didn't need it. Not to control my magic.
I wanted it anyway, though.
He teased my clit until I came around his erection one more time.
Then, he slid me off his cock, sank both of us back into the water, and set me down beside him.
The pebbles felt even rougher against my ass, now that I'd had his smooth skin and thick muscles beneath me.
We didn't look at each other.
"This can’t happen again," I said quietly. "You're better off without me, anyway."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
Now, he was looking at me. I could feel his gaze on the side of my face.
"I'm sure you remember what it was like when we were together.
You never got more than a few hours of sleep at a time.
I interrupted you constantly while you were painting.
You never got to relax. I was always dragging you around the city to do things, and even when we were apart, I was always bugging you. "
Niall's jaw clenched.
He closed his eyes again, and let out a slow breath before I felt his gaze on me. He turned to face me, and I reluctantly did the same.