Chapter 20
twenty
LIV
I barely woke up when Niall carried me into the shower, and I fell back asleep as soon as we were in bed together.
When my anxiety woke me up a few hours later, I found myself alone in bed.
I blinked at the empty spot beside me where Niall had been before.
Panic and nausea warred.
Had I already scared him away?
I fought to keep my anxiety at bay as I slipped out of bed.
Logically, it didn't make sense for him to leave.
He'd asked me to mate with him, regardless of fate. He'd dressed me in his t-shirt and tucked me into a bed that smelled like both of us after helping me shower, and even though his spot had gone cold, I knew he had been holding me when I fell asleep beneath the blankets.
He wouldn't have left me. Not completely.
I forced myself to breathe evenly as I walked to the kitchen, looking for him there.
It was empty.
So was the living room—though I noticed someone had put a new landscape painting up on the wall in there, where one used to sit when we were together.
I checked the gym.
The pool room.
The movie room.
The three spare rooms.
The back porch.
Maybe Niall had left after all, though he'd also left paintings everywhere. A few of them were the landscapes he was mostly known for. Most were paintings of us. And only half of them were paintings I'd seen before.
I'd study them later. When I knew whether or not he was still there.
I was on my way to the garage to check for his truck when I saw the door to his home studio, tucked at the very far end of the house.
The studio was the last place to check.
The door was already cracked, and I opened it a little more as I peeked my head in.
Niall was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the wall and his palms braced on the tile, with his legs sprawled out in front of him.
He glanced my way, but didn't smile when he saw me.
I'd left the plants I'd wrecked the room with, when I wrapped some of his paintings so I could safely drive them over to his current studio. They were everywhere.
"Sorry about the plants," I said, not stepping inside.
We'd never had a conversation about it, but his studios had always been his space. They were sacred, and I'd never had any desire to mess that up for him. He invited me in sometimes, and I obviously had no problem going inside when he did, but I never went in without an invitation.
Except after I kicked him out. When I trashed the place with greenery.
"I don't care about the plants, Livvy." He tipped his head to the side, a silent invitation for me to come in and sit down by him.
I did, leaving enough space between us for him to work through whatever he was thinking or feeling.
He stared out at the plants.
I did too.
"I fucked up the vibes, huh?" I asked after a few minutes, mostly because I was going to have a panic attack if I couldn't find something else to focus on. I wanted desperately to just be there for him, but my magic made that difficult.
"The vibes can be fixed a lot easier than most things."
I let out a soft breath.
Maybe I'd screwed something else up.
"Is this about the wolf situation?"
"No. Larson wants to try to fix the rain again."
Oh.
This was about the call I'd overheard but hadn't really had time to process.
I'd known it was coming since Larson unraveled his previous attempt at the magic, but I wasn't sure if Niall had. Or if maybe he'd just tried not to think about it.
"He and Rob have worked on the spell together longer than they’ve been together. Rob's good. Really fucking good. Larson is too. We're just in uncharted territory, with them trying to fix the wards. It should be fine," Niall said.
I nodded.
"There's something I haven't told you." He stared out at the plants, clenching his jaw for a few moments. "About that night."
I tried not to let my walls go up a little more, but they did anyway. I believed him, but that was still new.
"Larson told me he had the spell ready a few days earlier.
That section of the wards is already tied to you, as you know, so they can't use another fae to edit it.
It has to go through you. We both knew that.
But he told me the spell was ready, and I told him no.
I told him he'd have to figure out another way, because I didn't want my twin brother using magic on the woman I loved. He didn't like it, but he agreed."
Niall shook his head. "I had planned on asking you to mate with me a few days later. He knew about it. I thought he'd just… give up. I should've known better. Fixing the fucking rain was all Lars focused on, for decades and decades. He wasn't going to push me, but he wasn't going to let go."
My eyes widened slightly. "That's why he tried to tie the magic to himself. Because you turned him down."
"Yeah. He thought it was a small fix that wouldn't require much energy.
It was my fault that he tried to anchor it to himself.
It could've worked if he tied it to you from the start.
It probably would've. I was stubborn, and possessive, and fucking terrified, and it could've cost me the only two people in this world who mean anything to me. "
There it was.
The final piece in the puzzle.
The reason he hadn't tried to force his way back into my life. The reason he had stayed away, even though he thought we were fated.
Not because he thought I nearly died, intentionally risked my life, or chose Larson over me—because he blamed himself for the fact that Larson and I had been in that position at all.
"I didn't say no this time, when he asked.
I know it's not my place. It should never have been my place.
So many things are so fucked up, and he wants to do it again, and I just..
." He dragged a hand through his wild curls.
"I can't do it again, Liv. I can't make it through that again.
I don't even have you, and I still can't fucking lose you again. "
I climbed onto his lap, taking his face in my hands as my knees met the tile on either side of his thighs.
"You have me. I don't know how you felt my magic, but I believe you. You're not going to lose me again, Niall."
"We don't even know if we're fucking fated mates."
"We don't," I agreed. "But you can sense my magic in a way no one else can."
He nodded, moving my hands with him.
"And you don't even flinch when I throw a bunch of magic at you. I should've noticed that when we were together before. Did you even feel it when I zapped your thigh earlier?"
"It felt similar to a yank on my hair. The pleasurable kind of pain."
"Well, it shouldn't."
"You've thought that before."
"I don't care what I've thought before. I care what I think right now. And right now, I think we honestly might be fated mates. And I think that if we're not, you can handle my magic so well that it doesn't even matter." I pressed my forehead to his.
His arms went around my back, pulling me closer. Tighter.
Something within me ached so fiercely at the thought of all the time I'd lost with this man. All the stress and sadness and pain I'd gone through, when I could've just been with him.
There was no way to go back, but he was here now, and I didn't have to let him go. Not now. Not ever.
"You don't believe that."
"I do." My voice was soft, at first. Then louder.
"I do, okay? I want you. I want this messy, wild, fun thing that we have together.
Threatening werewolves and fucking in bathrooms included.
If fate disagrees... then screw fate. Let's make the vows.
Let's seal a mate bond, here and now. Let's do it. All of it."
His lips met mine, the kiss slow and sweet and soft until he pulled away.
"You're running on two hours of sleep and enough electrolytes to power an army.
I want this too, but I want it the right way.
With a big party. With you wearing a silver dress that I want to kill everyone else for seeing you in.
With Larson beaming and Callum threatening me. With you having no doubts."
"I don't have doubts."
His lips curved slightly. "You do."
"Maybe tiny ones."
"I'd be surprised if you didn't."
"For the record, it's not your fault that everything nearly went wrong that night.
Larson knew better than to do what he did.
I knew better than to throw all of my energy into an unknown spell that was tethered to someone else.
You were the one who knew my magic well enough to keep all of us alive.
It's your fault that we're all still living and breathing. "
"I could've been wrong. I think about that all the time. Maybe I wasn't feeling your magic at all. Maybe I was just fucking desperate. Maybe I did risk your life."
"There are always going to be maybes. Maybe it's time to accept that everyone in that room did the best we could at the moment, and move on."
"Maybe it is."
I kissed him, lightly, before pulling away. "And maybe it's time to fix the rain for good."
"Maybe." Niall's answer was more hesitant, that time.
"And maybe it's time for you to let me fuck you, because my magic is driving me insane for sitting here on the floor."
He lifted an eyebrow. "Since when do I let you do anything?"
"Good point," I said against his lips, and kissed him again.