Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
DARBY
He’s not fine.
Tucker may look like his calm, laid-back self, but I can feel the tension in the lines of his body, and I can see the worry in the tightness of his face.
He’s the oldest brother. He’s worried about Harper and Xander, and I totally get that.
I don’t want him to feel like he can’t show his emotions to me, and yet I understand needing to be stoic for everyone else.
I kiss the back of his hand and then step into his side, wrap my arm around his waist, and feel his arm come around me, holding me to him.
I know without a doubt that he won’t leave this hospital until he’s seen Harper and the baby, so we wait with the others until Blake finally comes out with a tired smile.
“Isabelle Ava Blackwell is finally here,” he says, and Ava clasps her hand over her mouth in surprise, making a tiny squeak as her eyes fill with tears. “She’s tiny, at just under six pounds and seventeen inches long, but she has one hell of a set of lungs on her and completely owns me.”
“Aww,” I murmur and feel tears stream down my cheeks. “You’re the sweetest, Blake Blackwell.”
He winks at me and then looks at Tucker. “She’s asking for you first.”
“Come on,” Tucker says, my hand still in his. “You’re coming with me.”
I lead Tucker down the hall to Harper’s room, and when we step inside, we find Harper sitting on the bed, her tiny bundle in her arms, and she’s smiling so serenely, you’d never know there was an emergency in here less than an hour ago.
“You’re here,” she says and reaches her hand out for Tucker.
He gives me a squeeze, and then lets go to take his sister’s hand. He kisses it, his green eyes full of so much emotion, it makes my heart lurch.
He loves her so much.
“You know that there isn’t anywhere else that I’d be, Harps.”
“This is your niece, Belle.” Harper smiles up at Tuck, who’s staring down at the tiny pink bundle with so much awe, I can’t help but chuckle. “We stuck with the B-name tradition in Blake’s family. You can hold her.”
“No way, she’s too small. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“You won’t hurt her,” Harper says, and gently lays the baby in his big arms.
“There’s nothing here,” he says softly. “Are you sure there’s a baby in this blanket?”
Harper chuckles and then winces as she tries to adjust herself in the bed. “Trust me, she’s in there.”
“How are you, friend?” I ask her, coming to her side as Tucker coos at the baby.
“Already sore, and I’m supposedly still numb.” She sighs and looks over to where Tucker is swaying back and forth. “But she’s worth it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. But maybe not so dramatically.”
I smile at her and then over at my man, and holy shit. I can see this. I can see him pacing with a baby of our own, so gently and sweetly. I can see his face soften like this as he stares down at our little baby.
My ovaries are tingling.
“She’s precious,” I tell Harper.
“I know that Ava wanted to see her first, but Tucker, you’re my biggest brother. You’re my . . . my Tucker. And I didn’t get to see you earlier, and you always calm me down.”
Tuck returns to us and frowns down at his sister.
“Do you need me to calm you down, Harps?”
“You being here does that,” she says. “And you know, love and blah, blah.”
Tucker’s smile spreads over his face, and he leans in to press his lips to Harper’s forehead.
“I love you to the moon and back, little sister.”
Harper swallows hard and her eyes fill, and Blake walks in and scowls.
“Why are you making my wife cry?”
“Good tears,” Harper says. “Likely from hormones. But look how cute my brother is with our daughter.”
“Adorable,” Blake says with a smirk and kisses Harper on the head before he comes to me and does the same. “How are you doing, gorgeous?”
Blake flirts with literally everyone in our family. We’re all ‘gorgeous’ to him.
“Hey, one of my besties had a baby today. I’m fantastic. And you’re a daddy.” I can’t help it, I have to hug him. How many times did this man hold me when we were kids to console me, to help me feel better? More than I can count. “Blake, I’m so happy for you.”
“It’s pretty fucking great,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.”
“Hey, other people want in here,” Ava says from the doorway. “And no one’s keeping me out anymore. I need to get my hands on her and tell her all about the concerts I’m going to take her to when she’s older.”
With a laugh, Tucker gently kisses the baby’s super tiny forehead before passing her to Blake, and then we say our goodbyes and step out of the room.
But he doesn’t walk back to where the others are. Tucker leans on the wall of the hallway and takes a long, deep breath.
“Thank fuck they’re okay,” he whispers as he digs his fingers into his eyes.
“They’re gorgeous,” I agree. “Come on, let’s go find out how Xander’s doing and get some food.”
Before I can walk away, he frames my face and kisses me hard, his fingers in my hair, his thumbs on my cheeks as his mouth devours mine.
And when he pulls back, he rests his forehead against my own.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have anything to thank me for. This is our family.”
When we join the others, I notice that the crowd has thinned out a bit, as some of the family decided to wait until tomorrow to see Harper and the baby, letting them get some rest. Easton and Greg are both listening to a phone on speaker, and Tucker immediately walks their way.
“—for the season.”
“Say that last part again, Tucker just walked up,” Greg says.
“I’m out for the season,” Xander says with a deep sigh. “Going in for an MRI now, but the knee is toast. I’ll probably need fucking surgery.”
“Fuck,” Tucker says. “I’m sorry, man.”
“Yeah, me too. Plus we lost, so the season’s over anyway.”
“Why did that asshole go after you?” Easton demands.
“I told him his mother was great in bed last night,” Xander replies, and I can’t help the bubble of laughter that comes out at that. “Hey, is that the pretty Darby?”
“You don’t want me to fuck your face up as bad as your knee,” Tucker growls, and Xander chuckles.
“I’m sorry, Xander,” I say into the phone.
“Thanks. I better go, I just had to let you all know the status. I know you worry.”
“Keep us posted, son,” Greg says before he ends the call and turns to Tucker. “How is she?”
“Tired but happy, and the baby is beautiful. Go in and kiss them, then go home and rest. I don’t like how pale you are.”
“I’m okay,” Greg says. “But I’ll do that.”
He hugs Easton and Tucker, pats me on the shoulder, and then walks down the hall toward Harper’s room.
“I’ll stay and see her, and then I have to go to work,” Easton says. “You guys go home.”
Tucker nods and takes my hand, and I wave at everyone as he leads me out the doors, down the elevator, and to his truck.
“I have my own car,” I remind him. “But I’ll be right behind you. I’m back on call in the morning, so I can’t leave my car here.”
He wants to argue, I can see it written all over him, but he finally nods grimly and walks me to my car.
As I drive with Tucker’s headlights in my rearview, I can’t help but think that although there were some scary moments today, I enjoyed the hell out of it.
For someone who never felt like they belonged growing up, I have an amazing community of people around me now.
I have my sisters and my brother, and so many friends.
And Tucker’s family has brought me into the fold so effortlessly, it almost stuns me.
But then I remember what Tucker said about his dad, how Greg’s never met a stranger and he loved welcoming Harper and Zack into the family. I’m grateful that they have done the same for me.
When we’ve pulled up to the house, Tucker opens my door and leads me inside. He’s quiet. He doesn’t look me in the eyes at all.
He’s spiraling. I can feel it.
“There’s nothing you could have done for either of them today,” I tell him, but he’s busy pulling food out of the fridge, still not looking at me. “Tucker.”
“I’m going to make us sandwiches because they’re easy. I need to feed you.”
“Tucker, I want you to look at me.”
“Do you want mustard?”
“TUCKER!”
He turns away from me and throws the bottle of mustard across the room, and it bounces against the wall.
I jump in surprise, but not because I’m scared of him.
He’s not mad at me, but I don’t know what he needs from me right now, so I stay back, watching as he pushes his hands through his hair and swears under his breath.
So the laid-back, calm man has a trigger. And that’s when his family is hurting.
“I’m so fucking frustrated,” he growls as he paces the kitchen. “I couldn’t do a goddamn thing. I’m the one who takes care of everything. When Dad’s diabetes is bad, I take him to the hospital. I’m the one they call when someone’s sick or hurt or needs help, and I’m the one with answers.”
“Tuck—”
“But I couldn’t help Harper, and I couldn’t do one fucking thing about the fact that my brother is injured in another fucking state. It could be career ending for all I know. There’s nothing to be done, and it’s fucking killing me, Darby. I’m the doer.”
“You can’t always control everything. You can’t fix everything. Sometimes life just happens like this, Tucker.”
He blows out a breath and braces his hands on his hips, and finally looks at me, and the frustration in his eyes breaks my heart.
“I know that you love them so much that you’d do anything for them.
Trust me, I get that. And they’ll need you.
Harper said herself that she needed you tonight.
You’re the one she wanted first because you make her feel stronger.
Xander called as soon as he could, and I could hear the relief in his voice when he knew you were there to listen.
Whether you could help them in that moment or not, you made it easier on them for being there, and sometimes, that’s all we can do.
I know you well enough to know that you’ve never failed any of them when it comes to being there for them. ”
Tucker slowly shakes his head, but I keep talking as I cross to him and glide my hands up his arms to his shoulders.
“They’re still going to need you, but I know that watching it all unfold and feeling helpless had to be the single worst few moments of your life.
You’re the oldest. You take responsibility for all of them, just the way that Holden does for all of us, and the way I do for my sisters.
But you didn’t do anything wrong today. You know that, right? ”
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes with the exhale. “I don’t think I did anything wrong. But I wish that I could have done more.”
“I get it. For most of my life, it was my one ambition to keep my sisters safe from a fucking tyrant, and there were so many times that I couldn’t keep him from them.
I had to live with the fact that I couldn’t always protect them.
Does that make me a failure? Does that mean that I didn’t do enough? ”
“Jesus, of course not.”
“Then why are you being so hard on yourself for things that were absolutely out of your control? Stop being so hard on yourself, Hotshot. Listen, Harper’s great.
She’ll recover from the surgery, and Belle is perfect, and everyone is happy.
Also, this might be a conversation for another time, but you looked hot as fuck holding that baby. ”
His lips twitch and his eyes warm. “Yeah?”
“Fuck yeah. My ovaries were cheering. Also, Xander’s safe. He’ll have tests done, and there will be a plan, and if he needs you, he’ll let you know.”
“I know, you’re right.”
“You can’t protect everyone from everything, Tucker, and it’s not fair to expect that from yourself.”
“Why are you so smart?”
My lips twitch as I lean into him, and his arms finally come around me.
“I’m so glad you finally recognize my genius.”
“So, how sexy did you think I was with that baby?”
“On a scale of one to ten?”
“Yeah, Duchess.”
“Probably about a twenty-six.”
“Is that all?”
“Maybe twenty-seven.” He lowers his lips to mine, and I kiss him lightly. “I could use that sandwich, but I don’t want mustard.”
“Good because I’m not sure where the mustard went.”