Chapter 12
twelve
RAE
My eyes felt dry and scratchy when my hotel room's door opened.
Darius stopped in the doorway, taking me in.
Wrapped in a blanket that covered most of my face and hair. Sweating beneath said blanket. Holding my phone. My eyes were probably red, too, though I hadn't been crying. Just locked in the forums.
"What are you doing, Shadow?" He sounded curious.
"Nothing." I pulled my phone under the blanket so he wouldn't see it.
Dare shut the door and crossed the room, scooping me up and setting me on his lap, blanket and all.
Then he pinned me to his chest with an arm and tugged my phone out of my hand, peering down at the screen. I squeezed my eyes shut as he read the first few comments on the page I'd been on.
All of which said terrible things about me.
No one was thrilled that Darius was settling down. Not even one person.
"What the fuck is this?" he finally asked.
"Nothing."
He scrolled aggressively to the top of the post and checked out the question. "Why would you read this? These people need fucking lives."
"I don't know," I mumbled into my blanket.
"I'll get it taken down. Callum will start going after people who are talking shit. I—"
"Callum isn't my biggest fan, and I don't want you to go after anyone. They're allowed to have opinions. I just… don't like people."
"As long as that doesn't apply to me," Dare grumbled.
"It doesn’t. I actually kind of like you. And I'm not jealous anymore, either. Not of the people you were with before. If you tried to sleep with someone else now, I'd probably kill them."
"Why would you be jealous of the people I was with before?"
"I don't have many things or people in my life, so I don't like to share the ones I do have. I know it's stupid."
"That's not stupid. Sex just didn't mean anything to me. None of them had me. I just…"
"Used them?" I supplied.
"That makes me sound like a monster, but kind of. It was mutual using. They used me too, and all parties consented. They sought me out, not the other way around."
"I know. I read about it online," I said into the blanket, so my words were muffled.
Darius hit the back arrow, and read the question at the top of the new page.
I scrambled to get my hand free so I could steal my phone back. Dare pinned my arms a little tighter in response.
I focused on my shadows as he went back, and back, and back.
It only took a second to wrap my magic around the phone and attempt to rip it from his hand. Fire blazed lightly over my shadows, burning them just enough to prevent me from taking the device.
"You're the worst," I said into my blanket.
"Yup." He continued skimming the titles of every post I'd read on my internet binge.
He didn't seem interested in the content of any of them, which was good. The last thing I wanted was him reading comments and remembering some of the people he'd fucked, or getting really pissed at people who hated me.
It occurred to me as he went on that we weren't touching, so he was dealing with the full force of his magic.
I moved a little on his lap, once again trying to get a hand free.
He'd already read so much that taking the phone was now pointless.
Dare tightened his arm around me just a little more, effectively preventing me from moving.
"I'm just trying to touch you, asshole," I grumbled.
He tugged the bottom of my blanket up and slipped his hand beneath it, placing a gigantic palm on my thigh and squeezing lightly.
"How long have you been looking at this shit?" he finally asked, still going through the pages I'd visited.
"I don't know. Twelve hours?"
"Twelve fucking hours? Rae. This isn't healthy."
"I never claimed to be healthy. And I needed to research."
"You could've asked me."
"I wanted an unbiased source."
"All of these people are biased. Against me, and against you."
"Then I wanted an outside view. It was interesting. I actually feel better now."
"How could you possibly feel better after reading all this shit?"
"I didn't know you before. Now I can tell you're different with me."
"Of course I'm different with you. You're my mate. I'm alive with you."
"Right. But I didn't know most of the details. Now, I do."
"You know other people's version of the details. Not mine. Not yours, either."
He set my phone down, either reaching the end of my binge-search or just deciding he'd seen enough. When he lifted his arm from around me, I turned on his lap, tugging the blanket away so more of my skin could touch his.
He was shirtless, wearing just a pair of cargo-style joggers, and his hair was a wreck.
I put my hands on his chest. "Okay. Tell me your version."
He looked a little… flustered.
I liked it.
"I was just trying to survive. Sex was a distraction from everything else. It wasn't always enjoyable. It took a long time for me to get off, with the apathy. There were times I didn't at all."
"And it's not like that with me." I knew it wasn't. He'd nearly come all over my face before I gave him a blowjob, and he lost it three times when he was teaching me how to jerk him off.
"Fuck, no." He rubbed the back of his neck, still looking slightly flustered. "I'm going to tell you something that you can't tell anyone. Anyone. Not Grayson. Not Merrily. Not the fucking internet. Not even your gaming friends, and I know you use a voice changer."
"You've officially summarized every living creature I ever come in contact with. I get it."
"I… got off. When we were on the roof, and you were riding my hand. I'd never felt pleasure like that. I was so desensitized to everything. I am so desensitized to everything, when I'm not touching you."
A possessive sort of satisfaction curled in my stomach. "That's actually kind of flattering."
Darius slipped his fingers into my tangled hair and tipped my head back. "Ignore the internet, Rae. What we are is up to us. No one else gets a say."
"Alright. You shouldn't have put Callum in a holding cell just for talking to me, though."
He tipped my head back further and kissed me lightly. "He meddled. That had already been set as the consequence. I let him out after a couple hours. Who told you?"
"You should've."
"I bet it was Grayson. And Mer told him, after talking to Liv or Kat."
"I don't know. I didn't ask." I leaned in closer, pressing my forehead to his throat. "How long do we have until you need to leave?"
"I'll call in sick. We can spend the morning in bed, cuddling."
I made a noise of disagreement. "You still need a life outside me."
"I'm not leaving you alone after you spent twelve hours researching my past sex life and reading shitty comments about yourself."
I bumped the side of his throat with my nose. "Let me bite you, and I'll be fine."
"You don't need to ask. We could be in the middle of a huge fight and my blood would still be fair game."
"It's going to take me a while to wrap my head around that."
"We've got time." He combed his fingers lightly through my hair. "Do you have a brush around here?"
"Nope. It's questionable whether I'd use it, if I did."
He chuckled. There was gentle tugging on my hair, and I realized he was braiding the tangled strands as I bumped his throat with my nose again.
"You sure you don't mind? I might fall asleep if I bite you."
"I'll tuck you in and snuggle with you if you do."
"I'm going to be pissed if you skip your shift," I mumbled. "I'm just going to be sleeping."
"I'll think about going to work. After you feed."
I made a noise of complaint, but bit him.
Somehow, he tasted even better than he had before.
Darius left me sleeping when he headed out for work.
I was in the shower, tugging my hair free of his braid when he came back with a comb, a brush, and pack of hair ties.
And a chai latte.
He'd seen me naked enough times that I hadn't bothered to close the bathroom door. His gaze scanned me from head to toe. "Damn, Shadow. Spin for me."
I gave him a slow, dramatic turn.
He whistled. "Just fucking look at you. Perfection."
"It takes forever to wash my hair. Want to bring me that drink? I could use the caffeine," I said.
"Is that an invitation into your shower?"
"Only if you're interested."
The grin that stretched across his face was so wide that I had to turn toward the tiled wall so he wouldn't see my smile.
He ditched his clothes and came walking in with a giant chai latte for me, handing it over and grabbing my hips. He had my back pressed against his chest in a heartbeat, his hands on my waist and his lips on my shoulder.
"Don't let this get your hopes up," I warned. "I'm still not all-in."
"You never have to be all-in."
Something about that reply rubbed me the wrong way, but I wasn't sure why.
"Do you like working at the café?" I asked.
"I don't dislike it. Can't say I like much of anything, to be honest. Other than you. Most of life is pretty neutral."
"Because of the apathy?"
"Yup."
"Do the shadows on your skin right now help at all?"
"A little."
I grimaced. "I don't even want to imagine how much blood I'd have to drink to give you half of my shadows. I’d be so obsessed. I already can't stop thinking about it."
"My blood?"
"Yeah."
"If you're thirsty, you need to just bite me. Your magic will keep my body producing whatever you need."
I made a face. "I don't want to be addicted to you."
"I'm already addicted to you. It might as well be mutual."
I took a long sip of my latte, not wanting to think about it.
Surviving on blood would be… different. A lot different.
"The internet thinks I look dead," I said.
"I knew it wasn't really making you feel better." He grabbed the tiny, sample-sized bottle of shampoo off the shelf nearby, squeezing the contents into his hand. When he started scrubbing my hair, there was no suppressing my moan. "Ignore the internet."
"I do look dead, though. Kind of. And in some ways, I am."
Darius didn't reply.
His fingers dug into my scalp a little harder, and it felt so good it was nearly orgasmic.
"I could become a vampire again. The idea is just terrifying, you know? It was bad enough to choose this life. Now, being this way feels safe. I don't have to rely on anyone or anything. I'm the only demon in the city who can say that."
Darius still didn't reply.
"I don't know how to be alive. I don't know how to deal with people, and I don't like them. Learning new things seems fucking difficult. All I know are shadows and death."
"And video games and takeout food."
"Grayson taught me those things when he got me out. He was just trying to keep me alive.
"Did he offer you blood?"
"Yeah. Blood from every type of immortal. He kept it warm it. He cooled it. He asked them to offer me their veins. I just refused."
"You were alone and scared. The shadows felt safer."
"If I drank blood again, they could've starved me again," I said quietly.
"Do you want to be a vampire again?" Darius asked.
"I don't know. Maybe sometimes. I think I started to change back when I bit you on the roof, so it's probably too late." I admitted. "I never even wanted blood before I met you."
"You think you're already changing back now? Becoming a vampire again?"
"Maybe."
"Don't maybe me."
"Yes. Fine. I think I'm in the process of turning back into a vampire. I don't think I can stop it without kicking the bucket."
"You're not kicking the bucket." There was an edge of a growl to his voice.
"Ideally."
"There's no ideal about it. You're not dying. If you don't want my blood, I'll get it from anyone or anything you choose."
"Your blood is top tier. If it's an option, I'm going to choose it."
His chest rumbled.
I sipped my chai latte.
How had I gone from being alone in my shitty apartment to being in an enormous shower while a fae king massaged my scalp? And offered his neck on a silver platter as I drank a chai latte?
Who the fuck knew.
It was kind of awesome, though.
"The roots of your hair are darker than the ends," Dare said, leaning over my head a little more. "What color was your hair before? Black?"
"Like my heart," I agreed.
"Like your lipstick. You still have that, right?"
"Yeah, it should be at my apartment. I only wear it when I want to scare people off."
"You should try to scare me off."
I tipped my head back, lifting an eyebrow at him.
He gave me a wide grin. "For the record, I fucking love vampires. Particularly naked ones."
"No. You can't love vampires." I emphasized the s.
"I fucking love you becoming a vampire," he corrected.
"There you go." I lifted my head again. "If you keep massaging me like that, I'm never going to want to shower without you again."
"You know, I was just thinking we should sit on the floor, so your legs don't get tired while I keep going."
I bit back a smile. "What a coincidence."
"I know. How bizarre." He tugged my hair, and I let him lead me to the floor of the shower. I sat in front of him, and he massaged my head while I drained the rest of my chai latte.
It was kind of fun.
Kind of really fun.