Chapter 16
sixteen
KAT
We danced for a few more minutes while the crowd thinned. When she was done, she thanked each of us with a fierce hug.
She was so happy, she basically bounced down the stairs, leaving me and Callum panting at the top of the platform.
"Is it always like that for her?" I asked him, my chest rising and falling quickly as we stared after her.
"Yeah."
"I think I'd rather be in pain."
Callum chuckled. "You wouldn't."
"It's that bad?"
"It is. The other three of us would trade our magic for Liv's in a heartbeat."
His hands were still on my waist, his body pressed against mine. The feel of him was somehow both comforting and electric at the same time.
"Should we go home?" I asked.
"Let's grab some water first."
Callum's lips met my shoulder lightly, for a moment, like he'd forgotten about my no touching rule. I let it slide.
"Water sounds amazing."
He released my waist and took my hand as we walked to their private room.
Leaning up against the edge of their small bar with the sides of our arms pressed together, we both sipped tap water. Callum cooled mine with a touch of his fingers, without me asking.
"So you've never danced before," I said.
"I tried once, when I was young."
"How young?"
"Fourteen, I think."
I glanced up at him. "I assume there was a girl involved."
"There was. Maya. She was a summer fae, which I thought would help. I made it about ten minutes, before the pain got so bad that I ended up in the bathroom, vomiting."
My eyes widened in horror. "Oh my god, Callum. That's awful."
"It's just the price of my power."
"That doesn't make it less miserable."
"No, it doesn't."
We were both quiet for a minute.
"Pain isn't like that for me," I said. "I know you don't think I could handle it, but—"
"No." His voice left no room for arguing.
"Will you at least tell me exactly what happened?"
"I'm not going into details about my previous sex life with my fated mate."
"I think I can handle a story about something that happened before the city was even established. I'm obviously not a virgin either."
The air chilled. "Unless you'd like me to go on a killing spree, I wouldn't recommend repeating that."
I rolled my eyes.
He stayed silent for one minute.
Two.
Three.
He sipped his water slowly. We were touching, so the movement couldn't have hurt.
I waited.
"Sex was always difficult," he finally said, staring down into his glass. "It had to be fast, and it... hurt."
Was, because it had been so long ago for him. He said he hadn't been with anyone since whatever happened.
He was known for torturing people, but he clearly had some kind of personal rules about it. Given his own endless pain, I kind of understood.
Everything had hurt for him, but moving fast seemed to be the biggest trigger. Hence his experience with dancing.
"It was never what I wanted it to be," he said.
"What did you want it to be?"
There was another pause before he admitted, "Fun."
My chest ached for him.
I couldn't imagine many things in his life had ever been fun. Not if he was in so much pain, so much of the time.
That didn't erase the fact that he was the one who had to decide that he wanted there to be an us before there could be one, but I still hated that for him.
"The woman I was with—"
"You can say her name." I interrupted him, but I did it gently.
"The woman I was with," he repeated, uninterested in referring to her as anything but that. "Meant nothing to me. She was attracted to me, and I had nothing better to do."
He was lonely.
That was the word he was looking for.
I had a feeling he had been lonely more often than I would ever get him to admit.
"She knew someone I'd been with a few months before, and suggested I could avoid being in pain during sex if I allowed my partner to pleasure me. I agreed to try, which was a mistake."
He stopped.
"You don't need to beat around the bush, Callum. I'm not going to be jealous of an experience that was obviously traumatic for you."
He let out a quiet breath. "She was riding me. It... wasn't entirely uncomfortable. When I lost control, I lost my hold on my magic. I can't imagine I'll ever forget the way she screamed, or how she ran out of the hotel room without her clothes, sobbing and shaking."
Fuck.
There was a tense moment of silence between us. He was waiting for me to say something.
I debated what to say.
Callum didn't want my pity, and he was only telling me this to convince me that I didn't want him to fuck me.
"Do you know for sure that's how your magic will affect me?" I asked.
"No, but it's not a risk I'm willing to take."
"Have you ever felt real pleasure? No offense," I added quickly. "I'm not trying to be a dick. I just mean, if you're always in that much pain, you probably don't know what an orgasm feels like for someone who isn't."
"I imagine it's similar to the way it felt when you dragged my cock through your slickness before the first challenge."
"That was better than your orgasms without me?"
"It was."
"Callum, that was nothing."
"It was far from nothing." He basically growled the words at me.
"Compared to the kind of pleasure I'm talking about, it wasn't. Do you think that's all I felt when you had your face between my thighs for hours every time I went into heat?"
His lack of response said enough.
"We don't have to start with sex. You could let me get you off with my hands—or you could do it yourself, while I'm touching some other part of you. It doesn't have to be a big deal," I said.
"I won't risk hurting you."
"Well, the offer stands. I'm willing to take the risk." I finished my glass of water, and set it in the sink off to our side. Callum put his down next to mine, and we headed out.
Even though our conversation hadn't technically gotten us anywhere, I felt a little closer to him than I had before. He'd told me about something awful from his past. He'd trusted me with it.
That was an improvement from where we'd been before.
We crashed hard, as soon as we got home. I shifted, like always, and Sable snuggled up with Callum, hardly opening her eyes in the process.
The next day, we were back to work.
I texted him a few hours in, when the people I was training were working well enough not to need my constant attention.
Me
Haven't seen you in a while
Callum
You're busy
Me
If you're hurting, you can just come out here too
I'm sure you have a laptop
Callum
Your people won't be as effective if I'm there.
Me
They'll get over it
He didn't reply.
I gave it an hour before texting him again.
I was pretty sure he did want to come out, but was being a chicken for some reason.
Me
I'm making coffee, want some?
Callum
Sure
I'll come grab it
I didn't tell him to bring his laptop, but I was pretty sure he would.
He came out of the room a few minutes later, laptop tucked under his arm. His hair was messier than usual, and his movements were stiff.
When he took a seat at the barstool next to the one I had my own computer set up in front of, I brought his coffee over, brushing my hand lightly against his in the process.
He relaxed, just for a moment.
The tension returned until I sat down next to him. He didn't touch me, so I set his left hand on my thigh. He wasn't using it for whatever he was doing.
His fingers pressed into my skin lightly, his grip tightening a little. He'd totally wanted to touch me, even if he was being difficult about it.
I had to get up now and then to help the people behind us, but we spent the next few hours in that position.
Having his company while I worked was kind of nice.
There was a Cabinet meeting late that afternoon. Callum didn't tell me what it was about, but he asked me through our bond to send my employees home before he left.
The request didn't surprise me, and he was polite about it, so I agreed.
Liv showed up shortly after they left, walking into the mansion without bothering to knock. There was a grin on her face and a bounce in her step.
"Does anyone knock before coming in here?" I asked.
So far, my employees were the only ones who had.
"Nah. Callum tells people not to. He'd have to get up and answer the door if we knocked." Liv grabbed my half-empty coffee cup and sniffed it, eyeing the contents.
"Do you drink coffee?"
"Only if it's decaf. Caffeine gives me panic attacks."
"I guess it's not really compatible with your magic."
She shook her head. "Nope. How's that project you're working on coming?"
"Pretty slowly."
"We need that girls' night. Tonight?"
"Kat's busy tonight," Callum said.
Liv rolled her eyes. "Tomorrow, then. Merrily will be wiped out after the meeting anyway. We'll do it at her place."
"Kat's busy then too." Callum's hand captured mine, his expression darker than normal and his grip tighter.
I wasn't sure what was wrong, and didn't think he'd want me to ask.
"Just bring her to the meeting. I can't imagine someone is going to argue if you show up with your mate in tow." Liv turned toward our fridge, opening it up and scanning the leftovers.
When she found a stack of baked goods from the café, she grabbed a cinnamon roll that sat in a box, and picked up a fork.
"I don't think I'd be welcome at a Cabinet meeting," I said.
"No one's welcome there. Everyone only tolerates each other. Worst case scenario, we piss off someone who probably already wants us dead."
"We're not walking my mate into a situation where she would be even more at risk than usual," Callum stated.
Liv took a massive bite of the cinnamon roll she'd claimed. "The most powerful werewolf in the city wouldn't be at risk during a meeting."
I frowned. "Hasn't my sister been to dozens of those by now?"
Liv snorted. "Your sister isn't the most powerful wolf in the city, Kat. You are."
I blinked. "No, I'm not."
She gestured to Callum with her fork. "He's one of the four most powerful fae, and we're the most powerful of the immortals. He's yours, so his magic and life are tied to you."
Callum changed the subject. "If I bring Kat, everyone else will think they can bring their mate to the meetings after this."
"Only the one monster king is mated, so what does it matter?"
"You don't think anyone would take mates just to have another person sitting in on those meetings?" he asked.
Liv jumped up on the countertop with her cinnamon roll. "I think taking a mate is way too big of a deal for any of them to do it just for the world's most boring meetings," she finally said. "If you make a rule that mates aren't allowed to talk or something, that would solve the problem."
"So I can be his pretty little werewolf again?" I drawled.
"So we can establish you as his equal." She bobbed her head toward Callum. "His magic is yours. His home is yours. His job is yours. Just like everything that's yours is his. That's the nature of mates for fae. There's no dividing line anymore—you're one unit."
"That doesn't sound healthy," I said.
"Is it healthier to be suffering under your magic's endless onslaught as half of a whole?"
When she put it like that...
Callum cleared his throat, and we both looked at him. "I'm not comfortable taking her there without threatening the Cabinet first. If she wants to come to next week's meeting, she can."
The fact that his threats were still effective after a hundred years was a testament to how well he backed them up.
Liv still didn't look convinced.
"It's fine. I want to try out the bathtub anyway," I told Liv.
"He has enchanted bath bombs in one of the cabinets," she advised. "The good stuff, from the spellcasters."
I didn't have to ask why.
I knew what everything came down to for him, before we were mated.
His pain.
Liv grabbed another cinnamon roll for the road. "I'll meet you in the car."
She headed out, leaving us alone together.
I eyed Callum.
He eyed me.
We were still holding hands, but it didn't mean anything. Not really.
I released my grip on him. "Enjoy the meeting."
"Enjoy the bath. I would avoid the red bath bombs, if I were you. There's warming magic in them."
"Noted. Thanks."
He walked to the door.
I paused in the hallway to watch him go.
Even just the way he moved when we weren't touching looked painful.
Maybe I should be nicer to him. Make things easier for him. Stop pushing him so much.
I'd think about it.