Chapter 20
twenty
KAT
The sun was high in the sky when Sable got tired of being in the forest and went back home.
I wasn't sure when Callum's house had become that, but it was.
He was sitting on the porch, still as a statue. She trotted up to him and licked his hand, pressing the side of her head against it lightly.
There was relief in every line of his face as he closed his eyes.
I didn't want him hurting, but I couldn't let him get away with what he'd been doing. Not if we were going to spend the rest of our immortal lives together with any amount of happiness.
Callum and I were starting more than one foot behind, since we already had a bond without a real relationship. There were bound to be growing pains.
Literally, in our case.
"I'm sorry," he said.
It sounded like he had a hard time getting the words out.
Sable stepped away from him, heading through the sliding back door he'd left open and padding down the hall.
She didn't have to look backward to know he was following her.
"I need to sleep for a week," she mumbled. "We made a point. Fix it for us now."
That was definitely the message I wanted to hear at the moment.
Not.
She shifted as she reached the bathroom, leaving me to stand up quickly, bare-assed and legitimately covered in dirt.
Sable was already snoring by the time I stepped into the shower and turned the water on.
I, on the other hand, was pointedly ignoring the shirtless fae king who stood in the shower's opening, watching me.
I stepped under the water without waiting for it to warm. I was already soaking wet, and cold too, thanks to the drizzle outside and the chill in the air. Not the blissful kind of cold that the king provided, either. Just cold.
"Can we talk?" Callum asked.
"I don't think you've ever asked me such a normal question before."
"Would you rather I made it an order?" He almost sounded like he was trying to be playful, but failing miserably. I hoped he was.
"That does seem to be how we communicate."
There was a quiet rustling. I glanced backward in time to see him abandoning his clothes before he stepped in and walked around me. He leaned against the tiled shower wall, dodging the falling water entirely.
Curiosity seeped in just a little.
What was he doing?
"Talk to me, Kitten." It was technically an order, but he said the words gently. "I panicked and reacted poorly. I'm sorry." His apology was more believable the second time around.
"I shouldn't have pushed you. You weren't comfortable with it, and that's that. I'm sorry too." I started to turn away from him, but he caught my hip and spun me around.
"You're right," he said honestly. "I wasn't comfortable. The touching wasn't the problem. I wanted that. The problem was you saying that I have all of the control here. I can't control anything in this situation."
He released me and stepped back, water beading and rolling down his head and shoulders.
"I barely have control over my own body.
I don't know anything about relationships, or if we have one at all.
I want to touch you all of the time, but I don't want to overwhelm you.
When I don't touch you, I have even less control.
But I don't want to push you too much and risk losing you. "
He dragged a hand through his hair, pushing the messy, damp waves out of his eyes.
"I guess maybe I'm using you, but all I want is to have you next to me, so I don't know how to stop.
You would rather work than be around me.
I'm aware that I'm not what you want, or who you want.
I'm just trying to keep my head above water here, and completely fucking failing at it. "
I stared at him for a solid minute.
Maybe two.
He stared back, his eyes dark and sort of... vulnerable.
I knew the ice king had a heart.
And my plan to thaw it was working after all.
"This is how you do a relationship," I finally said, gesturing toward him. "That's what we have, Callum."
"I don't know what that means for us," he admitted.
"It means whatever we want it to mean."
"Liv thinks friendship is the best part of a mate bond."
"Friendship sounds nice." I reached for the shampoo.
He caught my wrist. "Let me, Kitten."
I nodded.
Callum stepped behind me, grabbing the shampoo and working it into my scalp. "How was the forest?"
"That is another ridiculously normal question for you."
"I'm being your friend," he grumbled.
"Part of friendship is saying what you want to say instead of dancing around the subject. You wouldn't ask Liv how the forest was."
"She would tell me, whether or not I wanted to know. I'd have to ask if I wanted information from Merrily or Dare."
"Well, the forest was fine. Sable ate two rabbits."
"Did she enjoy them?"
"Unfortunately for me, yes."
"How does the digestion work, when you switch between forms?"
"I don't want to know. I hope it’s separate somehow." My eyes closed when Callum's fingers massaged my scalp, working the shampoo through my hair, but mostly just touching me. "How was the porch?"
"Miserable." His answer was neutral, and not measured in anyway. It was just a statement, like he was talking about the weather. "Liv showed up partway through her run to lecture me, on top of it."
"What did she say?"
"That I was fucking this up. As if I didn't already know."
My lips curved slightly. "You couldn't have picked a better best friend."
"You could've."
I elbowed him lightly in the gut. "Jonah isn't really my best friend. I don't think I have one. We just sort of bonded over the Gwen situation. If he gets back with her, I don't think we'll talk much anymore."
"Am I allowed to hope for that outcome?"
"No, but you're going to anyway." I bit back a smile, but it faded.
"It's not fair or accurate for you to say you're not who or what I wanted.
If you had told me we were fated mates that first day, we could've texted or done video calls or something.
I've been obsessed with you since we made our bargain.
I checked the news like twice a day to see if you'd started dating anyone. "
"I made sure never to be seen alone with another woman, so you wouldn't question whether or not I belonged to someone else."
"That doesn't surprise me at all."
He increased the pressure on my scalp, and I bit back a moan at how good it felt. "How much money and effort did you put into making my cafes succeed?"
"Nowhere near as much as you'd think. The loan I paid off was the only real expense." He tipped my head back so the water was running down the length of my hair, washing the shampoo out.
Our eyes met.
"Your business is solid, Kitten. Your passion did the rest. There are werewolves all over the city, and they like having a business they can support that's run by one of their own.
I'm sure they get tired of being the bottom of the food chain when they outnumber the rest of us so drastically.
My marketing department put a little money into playing that up, and it exploded. "
My chest warmed. "Well, thank you. You didn't have to do that, since our bargain wasn't real."
"I told you, I technically did have to, to keep our connection a secret."
I rolled my eyes. "You could've just made the one location succeed, Callum."
He didn't argue.
The man knew I was right.
I lifted my head back up, and Callum dragged his hands through my hair, coating the strands with conditioner. He detangled it slowly with his fingers. "What have you decided about the meeting tomorrow?"
"With Gwen? I think I have to go." I sighed quietly. "If something happened to her and I hadn't tried to help, I'd regret it for the rest of my life."
"I agree. If someone's targeting her, we can figure something out. If she just wants Jonah, we can leave. Do you think he wants her?"
"I don’t know. I always thought of theirs as the epic kind of love, but with the way Gwen left him, it might not have been as good as I thought. Maybe she was looking for a way out and I just didn't realize it."
"Or maybe Simon fucked with her head. He enjoyed that."
"Right."
We both fell quiet for a few minutes. When I started scrubbing the rest of my body, Callum batted my hands away and did that too.
"This is weirdly nice," I said.
"Having my hands on your skin is weird?"
"No. I just mean that it's new. I'm always putting your hand on me so you're not in pain. I wish you would stop fighting yourself on it and just touch me when you want to."
"I always want to touch you. The desire is... unyielding. I'm just trying not to smother you, and I'm aware the sex issue makes you not want my touch. I try to keep that in mind, and control myself."
"Well, stop."
"I don't think it's quite that simple."
"Then stop thinking."
"I wish it were that easy."
"It is. Stop trying not to touch me when the alternative is being in pain.
Trust me to push you away or tell you if I don't want you to.
Accept that I usually do want you to, even if I'm not happy with you at the moment.
Listen to what I'm saying, and stop trying to do what you think is best for me. Including avoiding sex."
"We could try other things, like you mentioned before. Actual sex is still off the table, but I might be able to stay in control if it doesn't get too intense."
"What did I just say about your control, Callum?" I spun to face him.
He took my cheek in his soapy hand and tipped my head back. "I heard you. I will try the touching, but that is a hard boundary for me. I will not hurt you. Ever. No matter what it costs me."
"I don't want to live my life without sex."
"I'll buy you some really nice toys." He dragged his thumb lightly over the dip between my bottom lip and my tongue. It felt so good that I didn’t mind the slight taste of watery soap
Then he leaned down.
And kissed me.
Just like that.